tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81960950760058289922024-03-06T11:04:18.138-08:00Flaws, ForgivenFamily, homesteading, and self-acceptanceJen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comBlogger181125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-31217926810763616502017-09-14T13:24:00.000-07:002017-09-14T13:25:33.661-07:00A Season of RestI've been fighting for months to come up with the words, sweet readers. Months. Everything I start to write seems trivial; anything positive seems false and forced. The summer was, to be very honest, saturated in quite a bit of sorrow and frustration for me; it was an awkward conglomeration of death, division, and disappointment. I get mad at myself because whining about a privileged life is spitting in the faces of the oppressed and less fortunate...but this is not a place of flawlessness, this blog. This is not a place of perfection. It's <i>my</i> place, with real feelings, well-placed or not.<br />
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We lost an amazing treasure in June. <a href="http://www.anotherdaywithabby.com/" target="_blank">Sweet Abigail Greene</a>, a beautiful child from a beautiful family, was taken to heaven after a shockingly swift, terrorizing fight with brain cancer. The loss of Abby is excruciating and numbing all at the same time. The sight of her parents as they sat at her grave, the sight of her father as he had to walk away, those images will forever be imprinted in my memory. <i>That could be me</i>, my selfishness and empathy cried. <i>That could be any of us.</i> How is life so horrifically fragile? </div>
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My girls and I visit their grandpa, my father-by-love as I suppose I can't call him my father in-law any longer. Each time I go over there I expect to see her, <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-in-moment.html" target="_blank">my mother-by-love</a>. I expect to hear her puttering around in the kitchen making a mess out of some weird jungle fruit or sucking the juice from a carrot. I expect to see her glorious mantles overflowing with just the right amount of garland and lights and figures and wreaths. Every time I walk in there her absence hits me like lead. I can still <i>smell</i> her there. I can feel her around her husband, worried sick about him and wanting to comfort him. It's not getting better, her death. It's just sitting there, staring at me, waiting for me to realize it isn't going away. </div>
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<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-working-single-mom-season-of-life.html" target="_blank">The new job</a> makes me painfully aware of how misaligned my priorities sometimes seem to be. All this real life stuff going on, people leaving the earth forever, and I'm choosing to drive into an office 60 miles away so I can do what, exactly? I don't feel like I'm moving toward my long-term goals. I'm not spending this precious time, that can be taken away at any moment, with those I love. I'm not building anything with my hands, or planting green things, or making a large-scale impact on those who need me the most. I'm not doing any of those things. There are people out there who do that every single day. They make an impact on those who need them the most. I am not doing that. Why? The conflict between my heart and my mind is overwhelming.</div>
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And I feel bad about it. I feel bad about complaining. I feel bad about whining about a job, any job. I feel bad about wanting more out of life. I feel bad about wanting to be home with my kids and I <i>still</i> feel like I'm failing them even though I know my provisions are plentiful in every area of their lives. I feel guilt on top of shame on top of pain and whenever this happens to me, my first instinct is to fix it. Research my way out of it. Plan resolution and take steps toward resolution every day until I get there. </div>
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I exhaust myself, basically. I push myself to find the answer. I push myself to get things right, buck up, make the most of every day by adding more to my plate, one impossible goal at a time, until I feel like I've maxed out my capabilities. I struggle to sit still because I fear the undeniable draw of stillness and isolation. I've been there before, the girl in bed for days at a time, allowing life to pass and watching the light rise and fall on the wall of her bedroom through glazed eyes. I am terrified of falling into a routine of stagnancy and complacency. <b><i>I don't want to be alright here, because if I am alright here, what propels me to improve?</i></b> What motivates me to do better? If I am ok here, I will remain here, I fear, and this is not where I am supposed to be. </div>
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I know this <strike>incredibly hott</strike> <strike>super attractive</strike> <strike>bearded beauty of a man</strike> nice guy who has a bunch of ying-yang stuff tattooed on his body. I asked him once to explain his tattoos and I kid you not, about 1/3 of them had to do with balance. He told me the key to anything is always balance. You need good with bad. You need action with relaxation. You need despair with joy. And he made perfect sense. </div>
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But how in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks does one find that balance? How do I force myself to not feel bad about letting things just be for a little while? How do I force myself to live in this life and stop making plans, slow down, just work this job for a few years and stop trying to plan the next 5? Beer can't be the answer, dear readers. Beer cannot, unfortunately, be the answer. </div>
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Maybe I need to look no further than my own back yard. My backyard is where all my happy-Jen experimenting takes place. It's about this time of year, every year, that I begin to feel pretty disgusted with my experiments. Right about now every bed, plant, weed, and tree is overgrown and out of control. I let things lapse for weeks on end while the mosquitoes live their lives in my paradise and then whammo, it gets cool and I get out there and I basically see Tarzan come flying out of a tree and hand me a blow dart gun so I can hunt the undoubtedly large population of mongoose and other small, gregarious mammals I likely have living in my yard. </div>
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But without fail, everything falls away. Leaves turn gold. Plants die off and can be picked, plucked, and composted. The weeds lose their footing and don't grow back. My beds become bare, the dirt looks tired, begs for a blanket of leaves. The grass, the sunlight, the warmth...all of it surrenders to sleep. Even my chickens stop laying, their little rhythms syncing up with the loss of light, their bodies concentrating on food and keeping warm through the winter. Everything stills and my time, magically, doesn't require the intense division between garden and work, food and family. It's done, my growing season is over, that is all there is to it.</div>
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It's a huge sigh, a nod toward the way things should be, a small suggestion that not even the pressures of a man-made rat race can slow the inevitable change of seasons. Perfect example of balance. It's infuriating that we, as the smart lil' humans we supposedly are, cannot acknowledge, learn, and shadow what the earth does every single year. Grow, work, produce, rest. Grow, work, produce, rest. Are we that arrogant? Do we think we can do better?</div>
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Where in the American Dream does rest exist? From my perspective, we put it at the end...in the future...in a series of "somedays," that we're never guaranteed. I will rest when I am in my little cob cottage in the woods, scooting my heritage-breed chickens off the front porch and kissing my man when he comes home with fish for dinner and settling down to a fire and a good book by my solar-powered lamp. That will happen for me later, I always say. Not now. Now is the time for work, steps, do more, make that vision a reality, and for gosh's sake don't slow down because that dream will never come true if you do. But <i>also</i> live in the moment and be happy now and don't let time pass you by because if you do, you might leave this earth never feeling like you've lived at all and you'd only have yourself to blame, dummy. </div>
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It is immeasurably hard for me to feel content with that type of duality singing in my brain. How to balance the two....the driven, the hardworking, the rested, the happy. Can we have it all? Is it even possible? </div>
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Nature says so. There's no fear of death, no need to get somewhere sooner, no feelings of guilt for daily disasters. Things just are what they are. Nature works incredibly hard. She evolves and pushes against challenges and overcomes and shows merciless power. But she also dies back for 3-4 months a year and just lets life lie still.</div>
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We have a season of rest coming up. I am already waist-deep in food preservation, trying to make the most of my garden bounty. I've got plans and backup plans - things I will bake, trails I will hike, leaves I will collect. Making plans is a habit of mine. It helps me feel in control. But an absence of plans sometimes allows the steady, natural, intended cycles to push forward, to overwhelm my sense of control, to force me into compliance. This, our season of rest, invites me to feel whatever it is I want to feel, unencumbered, unashamed. It invites me to sit with my feelings about those who are no longer with us, allows me to feel the loss and not feel weak, allows me to absorb my current situation and make some decisions about how I want to spend my time and efforts. Only one life to live, yes, but also only so many hours in a day...and while some need to be spent working, worrying, and makin' plans, <b>some need to be spent simply sitting still.</b></div>
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Stay tuned for another video, coming soon! This one will outline my fall canning process, by request from one of my dearest readers :)</div>
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As always, thank you for reading. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "garamond" , serif;">Jen</span> </span></div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-13859905609991564332017-04-08T15:32:00.000-07:002017-04-08T15:35:22.000-07:00DIY Chicken Coop: Dancing Feathers Farm Chicken Palace Reveal!Hello my lovely readers. It's the moment we've all been waiting for. I've hinted at it for almost two months now.....and I am thrilled to share my big and beautiful news with you.<br />
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<i>I have a brand-new, gorgeous, humongous, elevated chicken palace. </i><br />
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<i>A feather-friendly castle in the sky. </i><br />
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<i>An abode de' aviary. </i><br />
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Do you remember me talking about a smart, gorgeous bearded man once or twice in <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-working-single-mom-season-of-life.html" target="_blank">my more recent posts</a>? Yes? Well. His beard is not the only thing that's amazing about him.<br />
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Some of you may remember my <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2015/07/an-affordable-chicken-hoop-house.html" target="_blank">chicken hoop house</a>. It was a wonderful and very simple design that worked well for my girls, <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2015/11/a-winter-proof-chicken-hoop-house.html" target="_blank">even in the winter</a>. But you see...I have a problem, and that problem is chicken math. 1 hen plus 2 hens somehow becomes 14 hens...I have no idea how it happens. Some weird and crazy chicken mathematical anomaly. But the bottom line is I wanted something sturdier, warmer, bigger, and brighter for my girls to live in, especially during our long winters.<br />
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Enter, bearded man. "Don't worry," he said. "We can figure something out."<br />
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<i><b>You guys, can we just take a second to express gratitude for not only beards in general, but for the wonderful men they are often attached to...? I am an extremely lucky woman. </b></i><br />
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He didn't even use plans, people. This is how it went:<br />
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Step 1: Estimate square footage.<br />
I knew I would eventually end up with 16 birds. We built this coop so it could comfortably house 16 birds, even in the winter with the doors closed and them all cooped up <i>**see what I did there**</i>.<br />
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Step 2: Gather supplies and try not to die when you see how much everything costs.<br />
We definitely tried to re-use what I had...but bearded man was only in town for a limited time. Had we more time, I would've garbage-picked and gathered more pallets. We used leftover shingles from <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2013/06/10-lessons-from-diy-roofing-on-fly-why.html" target="_blank">my roofing project</a> all those many, many years ago. The previous owners left some single panes of glass in the shed. I had hardware cloth and chicken wire and baling wire. The wood, plywood, screws, and landscaping timbers were purchased from Home Depot...and they were not cheap. The total for our Home Deport run came out to a little under $500. I bought the net that covers my run online for $40. The roosts are branches from my yard. The nesting box curtains were cut from landscaping burlap I had in the shed.<br />
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<i>***Side note about the pricing - when I left my other corporate job my wonderful leaders purchased a pre-fab coop for me - it cost a little under $500. It holds 4 birds and is currently my medical coop. The hardware is falling apart, the wood is warping (even after I painted it), and the overall quality is simply cheap, cheap, cheap...and not in the cute chicks-in-spring way. It was $500. $500. FIVE HUNDRED dollars. That should give a little perspective on the power and potential of building your own. This new coop was about the same price, yet it holds four times the amount of hens, is made from better materials, is more functional, is better secured, and is far more stable. Plus, it has everything I've ever wanted and is customized for my girls, my yard, and my needs. Worth it!</i><br />
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Step 3: Start building.<br />
It took him a little over a week to build the coop. He worked an average of 5-6 hours a day on it and did most of the work alone. It probably would've gone quicker had I not needed to work and been available to help....but I had supplies to pay for so work, I did.<br />
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Step 4: Get more supplies.<br />
Always get more screws than you think you'll need. We also went back for more lumber. The total for our second run was about $20, I think.<br />
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Step 5: Praise Jesus for giving handsome bearded men building skills. He made something come together out of air. It was pretty magical. I may've swooned.<br />
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<b>Intentional Design</b><br />
Passive Solar:I wanted the southern and western walls to have the most surface area. Those directions capture the most sun in my backyard and the greater the surface area, the greater the chances that sun will warm my girls.<br />
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Dark, Cozy Nesting: The east and north sides are smaller and I wanted the nesting boxes on the north side so the girls would have their preferred darkness while they sat on their nests.<br />
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<b>Security</b><br />
Latches: I used special, raccoon-proof latches on the coop doors and the door to their run.<br />
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Elevation: I asked bearded man to build the whole thing off the ground, thereby reducing creepy-crawler pests and predators.<br />
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Sunken Cloth: He dug a nice deep trench (about 12-16 inches down) all around the three outside walls of the coop so I could attach hardware cloth and deter digging pests. One wall is exposed to the run and doesn't have that same protection, but the run has it's own protection around it.<br />
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Run Protection: I enclosed the run in a combination of chicken wire (aproned out about a foot to again discourage the diggers), cattle panels (because I had some), and a large, hawk-proof net. The chicken wire will not keep an extremely determined predator away but to be completely honest, I wanted their <i>coop </i>to be 100% secure (and I think I achieved that) at night when they are sleeping. The run has layers of security around it to prevent and deter (I have a wooden privacy fence around the whole yard, a layer of chicken wire, and a net), but the security around the run is not 100% perfect. I just can't afford that much hardware cloth!<br />
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Crevices: I used hardware cloth within the coop to cover any exposed ventilation gaps.<br />
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Nesting Box Weight: The door to open the nesting box is extremely heavy. No raccoons will be poppin in there!!<br />
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Sliding Floor Door: This is by far my favorite security feature. The girls are nice and secure at night because bearded man installed this amazing sliding door in the floor of the coop. We have little pieces of wood that prevent the door from being lifted from underneath when in the "closed" position and the handle to open the door is closest to the house, making it super easy to let them in and out every morning.<br />
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<b>Functionality</b><br />
Ventilation: I am really, really obsessed with ventilation. It was something that was lacking in the hoop house and my girls did get frostbitten combs because of the moisture build-up. To combat this, I requested nice, large openings along the top of all four sides of the coop. Bearded man graciously obliged and I am pleased as punch. They will be warm without being wet! <i>heh heh heh</i><br />
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Doors: I have a massive, huge door on the "run" or "front" side of the coop and a smaller, wide one near the back of the coop. I can climb in through the front if I need to; it's that big of a door. I like to open it in nice weather and let the fresh air in while the girls graze. The smaller door is used to sweep out pine shavings into my wheelbarrow. I can also open that puppy up and check on my sleeping ladies any time I want without needing to walk into the run.<br />
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Shavings: The floor of the coop is plywood and I really wanted something absorbent but cheap...so pine shavings it is! I clean out the coop about 1-2 times a month. The poopy pine shavings go right into my compost pile - they are amazing and break down really, really well! I like to line new garden beds with poopy pine shavings too - it helps my veggies grow so healthy and strong.<br />
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Nesting Boxes: I of course have more than I need....this is what chicken mamas do. My girls use only 3 of the 6, and those are good numbers when compared to other chicken mamas. I wanted them deep and comfy and secure and dark. Bearded man delivered on all fronts :)<br />
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Food and Water: I keep the girls' food and water outside, under the coop. The elevation helps keep everything dry and gives them a place to hang out when it's raining or snowing. I love not having the food and water in the coop itself because it reduces moisture and messes. It also ensures my girls come outside for fresh air even when they're feeling lazy and don't want to. Mandatory henercise! <i>hahahaha! ......mkay yeah that was bad</i>.<br />
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<b>Jen's Favorite Things</b><br />
Roosts: I adore the roosts. They are so pretty. Bearded man selected and stripped and sanded some branches he found in my yard and then secured them in this amazing and spacious pattern - the girls love them and so do I.<br />
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Nesting Box Curtains and Toekick: I've found my girls lay better when they have nesting box curtains, so I cut these from landscaping burlap and stapled them over each box. They are cute and sweet and functional and I love it because they are all three of those things at once. Bearded man also installed a toekick so the girls don't kick their eggs out on accident. Things get crazy in those nesting boxes sometimes!<br />
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Greenhouse: The hoop house, in all of it's now-defunct glory, is still valued and cared for. I will grow things in here eventually and for now, the girls have a secondary enclosed-yet-open space to scratch around.<br />
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Didn't think a chicken coop could bring such joy to a Jen's heart, did you? Well, now you know. I am excited to try whitewashing this beauty over the summer - it should help protect the plywood from the elements. Until then, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments down below! </div>
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Would you like to see this coop virtually? Check out my very first vlog on YouTube!<br />
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As always, thank you so much for reading :)</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-30332984876092590772017-03-28T17:00:00.000-07:002017-03-29T16:43:29.384-07:00The Working Single Mom Season of LifeWell lovely readers, I am here. I am officially at the point I promised myself I would never be.<br />
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When I was young, I watched my own single mom juggle work and school and mothering and fathering. I watched her pinch pennies and suffer through week-long migraines and figure out how to fix stuff around the house and worry, always worry, about her kids. She struggled with insomnia and was beat back by disrespectful coworkers and missed every PTO meeting and she even sometimes cried. I watched her sacrifice peace, health, and her own personal goals so I could have a good life. I noticed and I appreciated and I was loved...at great expense to my mama.<br />
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Right around the time I realized babies were made mostly by choice, I promised myself if I ever had kids, I would make sure I was in a perfectly unbreakable, good, stable situation. Good, stable financial condition. Good, stable housing. Good, stable relationship. If I couldn't make those things happen, then no kids for me.<br />
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I was a silly little thing, wasn't I?<br />
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Once upon a time, Jen met a man, had kids, and planned a life for herself and her little family. About a decade later, that same Jen had to make a choice. She had to choose between self-respect and stability. Honesty and falsity. Divorce, and all the terrifying, expensive, messy things that come with it, or marriage to a man that made her feel trapped by her own needs. Jen, as we all know, chose self-respect, honesty, and divorce.<br />
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And I'm struggling. I'm struggling because a large piece of me wants to slam the door on that part of my life forever and run in the opposite direction for miles and miles until the ground under my feet is so unfamiliar I can no longer feel the sting of my own stupidity. Another part of me cries for familiarity, for something, anything, to resemble calm and contained and careful. Everything is so messy. I don't trust myself to make the right choices. I second guess everything. I struggle to trust those around me. Everything is new, or needs to be adjusted....my dreams and my goals are no different.<br />
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And I cannot run. I have these two beautiful dancing babies who need me now more than ever. Their relationship with me has become so critically and understandably needy. I can't slack. I can't disappear into the bottom of a beer can. I can't shout at and hit the man who disgraced me. I need to be on point 99.9% of the time, even when they are not around, because I'm the parent who puts them first. The pressure and isolation is suffocating....especially when combined with a distrust toward my own inclinations. Am I doing this right? Am I messing them up even more? Every time I give to one place, I take from another. Am I balanced? Is this ok?<br />
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And the rage. I have so much of it. It hits me out of nowhere, it seems...like when I drop a grocery bag on the ground and that jar of sauce I really needed breaks and my mind flashes to the memory of him carrying the grocery bags five at a time with no problem. Or when I feel my baby's forehead and it's so, so hot and I'm out of medicine, again, and I don't want to drag sick and sleeping babies out to the cold truck for a late-night trip to Walgreens. Or when my daughter tells me she is scared and I don't know what to tell her and I wish like hell there was another adult, someone who shared my love for this child, to help me come up with a solution for her pain. I curse him for making me choose between self-respect and stability, for putting me in this position, for his lies and false vows, for the loss of so many dreams, for the introduction of so many insecurities, for rejecting me in the most hurtful and harmful way a person can be rejected. I curse him for making me scared for my children. I curse him, but I still love him. I still appreciate him. I still hope he has a good day and that he one day wakes up and finds the strength to be the man I still somehow believe he can one day be.<br />
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Between curses and tears, surges of strength and pride in myself for making this work, and sheer exhaustion, I realized I needed to take steps to secure my future, however compromised and imperfect and uncertain that future may be.<br />
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But every time I give to one area of my life, I take from another.<br />
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I am both blessed and pained to say I started a new job this month. It's a corporate position, in a corporate office, surrounded by corporate coworkers and ruled over by corporate leaders. I make money for people. I make money doing things that do not, in my mind, positively affect the big picture of peace and prosperity for all. The job does not fit into the goals I had for my life. It does not align with my morals, my personal needs, my sense of satisfaction and pride. It is a paycheck. It challenges my mind and business skills. It challenges my ability to prioritize, and when I leave the house each morning and make the choice to put money ahead of time with my kids, it breaks my freaking heart. <i>Why is this the only option? Why is this my only option?</i> There's that rage again.<br />
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I'd swapped all my business casual clothes for flannel, you know. I'd purged my closet with so much hope and joy, knowing with certainty I would never need to dress to impress anyone other than myself ever again. Then last month, a week before my start date, I hauled over $100 in office wear from Goodwill into the house, plopped it all down on my bed, and sighed. Back here? I'm back here now, hm? How long are you going to do this, Jen? What happens if this becomes your new normal? What if you never achieve those dreams...or worse, what if you work this job so long you forget about your dreams entirely? What if this changes you into a different person, one who doesn't value the important things anymore?<br />
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So much fear. So much uncertainty. So much negative thinking.<br />
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I know this job is an opportunity....and I know this opportunity is something to be extremely grateful for. Most single moms don't get a fancy corporate job that financially allows for an in-home nanny and comes with the word "manager" attached to it. Many single moms are stuck taking whatever jobs they can get, sometimes multiple jobs, sometimes without benefits, or with horrific hours, or under horrific working conditions. I know this happens because my own mama worked one or two of those jobs. I am extremely blessed - the actions and work I'd done five years ago paved the way for where I am now. I proved my worth back when I was a younger corporate slave and consequently, I've been given a huge financial lead over most single working moms.<br />
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But that doesn't take away the sting in my eyes when I drive away from the two most important things in my life each morning. It doesn't keep my heart from racing with anger when my ex complains about how tired he is. It doesn't negate the pain I feel when I miss yet another one of my daughters' milestones. It doesn't soothe my doubts. It doesn't comfort me when someone I love dearly passes away and I remember that life is short, so, so short, and I am wasting it by sitting in this car, driving 90 minutes one way. <i>For what?</i> I scream it to myself, in my head, multiple times a day. <i>For what, Jen? </i>My rational side answers.<i> You're in this position now, like it or not, so what are you going to do about it?</i><br />
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I'm gonna keep truckin'. I'm going to try and keep the faith that all of this, all of it, in its ugly, disgusting unfairness, is leading to something. I don't know what it is, and I don't even particularly believe it is a future set in stone, but I know it's coming. I know what I am doing now is preparing me for that future. And I know every day I spend allowing the rage to take over is another day wasted, another day I could be seeking the good, and the light, the calm. I am wasting my days by hating my days. And breaking that bad habit seems impossible. But I'm not giving up. Today I sang one of my favorite songs of all time on my way into work. Tomorrow I get to wear my new-to-me blue work dress. Thursday I get to work from a local coffee shop instead of driving into the office. My children love me. I have a beautiful dog. I found a great nanny. My friends are amazing. My ex-husband's been cool lately. My family, both biological and from my previous marriage, is rooting for me. I have this really incredible bearded man who's been talking to me for some time now....he reminds me of the big picture. He reminds me of my dreams. He makes me smile. <i>What an incredibly lucky woman I am.</i><br />
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I had grand plans this month of sharing something homestead-ish and special with you, my treasured readers. Those plans will need to wait a little longer. I am keeping my head above water, but just barely, and my writing sits on a low rung now. I couldn't stay away tonight, though. I am sleepy and missing time with my kids as I type this, but I just had to. Words have been slithering around my head for weeks. It feels good to get them down...even though my kids will be getting to bed late. Every time I give to one area, I take from another.<br />
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My mama had to give to her career, and her chores, and the millions of other areas within her life. The funny part? I had no idea. She smiled brightly when she picked me up. She celebrated every holiday with joy. She danced and sang with me. I never wanted for anything. I had no idea that for my mama, to give to one area of her life, she had to take from another. I had no idea. No clue whatsoever. There's a lesson to be learned there, I'm sure of it. Maybe by the time I complete this season of my life, the season in which I am a working single mom, I'll have it figured out.<br />
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As always, and I truly do mean always, thank you so much for reading.</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-38007546758159784762017-02-28T13:43:00.000-08:002017-02-28T13:43:28.637-08:002017 Renewal Challenge: SelfWe've made it, dear readers. It is the end of February, the end of "winter," the end of our 2017 Renewal Challenge. We slowly made our way <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-around-house.html" target="_blank">around the house</a>, cleaning, re-purposing, and releasing that which does not serve us. We spent time revisiting our <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-eating.html" target="_blank">eating habits</a> and the decisions that carry our food from farm to table to our bodies. We examined <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-rest.html" target="_blank">the way we rest</a>, paying extra attention to releasing guilt and allowing our minds to freely exist in whatever season we're facing. We reflected on <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-relationships.html" target="_blank">the way we interact with others</a>, specifically those who seek to understand us and provide our lives with light and love. We also took time last week to focus on refreshing our <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-in-moment.html" target="_blank">daily perspective</a>, keeping our minds in the moment, and surrounding ourselves with the environment we need to find fulfillment.<br />
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This last step is definitely the hardest, at least for me.....this last step is all about<b> self </b>- acceptance of self, but more importantly, intentional, purposeful celebration of self. Buckle up, lovelies.<br />
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<b>Acceptance</b><br />
So I'm not the most patient woman in the world. I get emotionally bogged down in negativity, I get territorial, I get insecure, I get lazy, I get overwhelmed, and I get greedy. I change my mind a lot about what I want to do with my life. I start projects sometimes that do not get finished. I am aging and am physically softer than most men prefer. I really don't enjoy working out to lose weight.<br />
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Some of these things I intend to change. Some of these things I do not intend to change.<br />
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I think the key to accepting who we are is to acknowledge our flaws, decide which flaws we'd like to change <i>for ourselves</i>, put a positive spin on flaws we have no intention of changing, and then find forgiveness when we slip up and hate on ourselves.<br />
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I do hope to finish what I start more often. I hope to get rid of my insecurity sooner rather than later. I think silencing insecurity has a rippling effect on territorial behaviors. I hope to realign my thoughts with positive things instead of letting the dark take over. On the flipside, I will always be emotionally charged and reactive, it's ingrained in who I am. It makes me a great storyteller, a passionate person, a whole-soul lover. Happy Jen will always be physically softer instead of chiseled. My body is a comfortable place for babies and my curves are a physical manifestation of the peace and prosperity I am experiencing in my life.<br />
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Some things about ourselves can be changed, while other things simply are the way they are. Try and see the positive side to your flaws. They exist for a reason and sometimes that reason is something good...maybe even invaluable. Without my passion I would have no voice. Without my reactive nature I would have no urgency to my actions. Without my greed, I would have no motivation to go and get it, Jen....go get it. Invaluable, these flaws, for they provide me with the characteristics I need to propel myself along.<br />
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<b>Steps</b><br />
So you have things you'd like to change about yourself, yes? Me too. But how?<br />
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Just begin. Doesn't matter if you start to change and fail a thousand times as long as you continue to begin again. Try again. Make the effort again and again and again.<br />
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I struggle immensely with self value. I worry that what I do is not enough, either with my work, my parenting, my friendships, or as a daughter. What I provide, my mind tells me, is not valuable enough. I need to do more to prove I am worth love and effort, attention and time. I need to do more to prove it's worth it to be around me, even though I am sometimes moody, smelly, sensitive, stubborn, unattractive, crying for no reason, chubby, or any of the other things about myself that I perceive others find distasteful and obnoxious.<br />
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Somewhere in the far corners of my heart I know I have an enormous amount of value and that I am worth going to the ends of the earth for. But that voice of light is smothered by bombarding insecurities and worries fueled by my ability to quite consistently compare myself to what I deem "beautiful, stable, functional, worthy."<br />
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This flaw of mine drives me nuts. I am capable of projecting a confident, strong woman on the outside, but I want to feel that way on the inside, too. So I work on it. I avoid comparisons by purposely staying away from "fashion" propaganda - it helps that I have zero interest in makeup and clothing lines and shoes....unless....do chicken-patterned rain boots count?<br />
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I look at myself in the mirror each day and pick out one thing to complement myself on. I spend time reading or baking or puttering around in my yard because that is where I can center myself, those places are where nothing can touch me. I can reconnect to the core of my own beauty - I can paint an image of myself surrounded by my flowers and my children and my chickens and my dog and I can put to rest my worries that I will never be enough because in that image, I am everything to all of them.<br />
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I fall back into my flawed nature all the time. But then I wake up the next morning and start walking, one step at a time, consistently dedicated to moving forward. Always take steps!<br />
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<b>Learn</b><br />
Last year's challenge was centered around self-sufficiency. I broke down <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/01/a-self-sufficient-life-in-2016-phase-1.html" target="_blank">ways to become more self-sufficient</a> with our food, homes, health, money, and time. There's nothing more freeing or beneficial to your sense of self than<i> learning</i>. Decide what you want for your life and then learn how to accomplish the dream. It doesn't need to happen overnight - in fact the journey is as important as the arrival point. So take your time. Read all the books. Make notebooks. Listen to others. Learn how to build things yourself. And be sure to glance back to see how far you've come...that is the most magical part.<br />
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<b>Build Confidence</b><br />
I had to brainstorm <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/06/building-confidence-as-anxious-single.html" target="_blank">some confidence-boosting</a> tricks last summer when my new single-mama status had me feeling down. If you don't have time to click the link to that post, that's ok. Here's a quick and basic run-down of my tips, which I will repeat here for <strike>myself because I forget my own advice constantly</strike> my lovely readers because I love you.<br />
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Positive People - yep, get with them<br />
Be Alone - get comfy in your own, independent lil' skin<br />
Music Magic - light up your brain with some good tunes<br />
Mirror, Mirror - Don't let your feelings of rejection cause you to give up on the things that make you feel beautiful<br />
Flirt - It's fun and exciting and can accomidate all types of relationship statuses<br />
Be Selfish - Pamper yourself with intention! Often!<br />
Fake it - 'till you make it<br />
Critical Challenge - Don't say anything critical about yourself for one entire day, then a week<br />
Got Kids? - Talk to yourself the way you want your kids to talk to themselves<br />
Don't Keep Your Head - Fall in love with yourself, with nature, with others<br />
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<b>Trust Yourself</b><br />
Rebuilding trust in yourself after a particularly hurtful time in your life can seem impossible, but the truth is it just takes time. I need to relearn how to trust my instincts. I sometimes think because my ex-husband was unfaithful and I stayed hopeful in such a broken and dark marriage for almost a decade that I am the most gullible, idiotic woman on the planet. I sometimes think my naivete and ignorance to the true feelings me ex harbored for me pretty much solidifies I am a complete moron. I confuse my marital devotion with ignorance all the time. I feel so, so stupid when I think back and see just how long I allowed someone to walk all over me, lie to me, disrespect me, and drag me through the mud of his own addictions and issues. Where was the confident Jen my daughters needed? Where was my sense? My intelligence? My no-crap-taken mentality? My strength?<br />
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It helps when I journal all the signs I purposely ignored - kinda proves I wasn't completely ignorant, just stubbornly dedicated to forcing a broken relationship to work. Hindsight and all that. But rebuilding trust in myself is, I'm learning, less about exploring the past and more about approaching the future without fear.<br />
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I do have the ability to make sound decisions for my life. I will one day believe in my intuition again. I will one day learn to take advice and suggestions lightly and forgive myself for the mistakes I've made. If everyone were born brilliant and with this whole life thing figured out, we'd have no need to learn and live at all, right? We'd be stagnant and boring, muted versions of ourselves. I prefer to glitter and shine....risk be damned.<br />
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<b>Celebrate</b><br />
We are who we are, beautifully flawed and hopelessly imperfect. Our lives are tiny little pinpricks of light in this big, bold world and to waste our fire on doubt and self hate is a tragedy. Celebrate who you are. Throw yourself a party. Invite others, or don't. Turn off your inner critic. Celebrate your verbosity. Call a friend and talk their ear off. Celebrate your thighs. Wear the shorts. Celebrate your mood swings. Write stories and paint pictures and take photographs of things that reflect how you feel. Relish the changes your body is experiencing, for you're well on your way to becoming a wiser and better version of yourself. If your head feels rainy, soak in the water for a minute, then find your sunshine - friends, family, kids, pets, flowers, or maybe the rain is your sunshine. Doesn't matter. Just find it. Carve out time for people who make you laugh, laugh, laugh. Carve out time to just be. Let people come to you. Know that you are enough, what you do is enough, and you don't need to do a single thing more unless it contributes to your own happiness. Make this year the year of <i>you</i>. I think you are wonderful and worth celebrating.<br />
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I am so glad you've come along on this Renewal Challenge, dear readers. I would love to hear your favorite renewal tip in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading.</div>
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Looking for some unique ways to feel renewed? I've got you covered :) Check out the other posts in my 2017 Renewal Challenge:<br />
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<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-around-house.html" target="_blank">Around the House</a></div>
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<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-eating.html" target="_blank">Eating</a></div>
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<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-rest.html" target="_blank">Rest</a><br />
<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-relationships.html" target="_blank">Relationships</a><br />
<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-in-moment.html" target="_blank">Living in the Moment</a></div>
Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-36343697213675939052017-02-20T16:10:00.000-08:002017-02-20T16:36:03.642-08:002017 Renewal Challenge: In the Moment<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This post is dedicated to Mama Lynnette, a true believer of living in the moment.</i></div>
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The moments following the loss of a loved one are always raw and unfiltered. Thoughts are muddled by pain, grief, confusion, and a gaping hole where someone amazing once existed.......but strangely enough, intentions and actions and perception is remarkably clear. Nobody cares about things like dents in the truck, trolls on Facebook, or whether the apple you're trying to choke down is organic or not. The important things in life stand out one right after the other, little toy soldiers marching past the trivial and setting up a defensive wall against all the regrets and what if's and should-i-have's. You get by minute by minute, hour by hour, and you cling to those left behind and vow to never take them for granted. </div>
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I think it's awful that we need to experience such heartache to truly appreciate the goodness around us. I think it's terribly unfair that we need to be dismantled and broken to truly recognize love, friendship, peace, kindness. I wish we could consistently acknowledge our blessings and understand how good we have it without getting yanked from our comfy places and dragged through despair. </div>
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But that's not the way life works. We're not that perceptive. It's not our fault. Loss, lessons, juxtaposition, a balance of good and bad, and the living, sighing, breathing realization that until you experience sorrow, you'll never truly know joy...this is simply reality, both horrendously ugly and titillatingly beautiful.</div>
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I sometimes force myself to close my eyes during the good times - my eyelids are a camera shutter, capturing and imprinting how I feel to memory. I'll try and breathe in the smells around me, commit faces and voices to memory, memorize how they feel in my arms, the swell of love in my heart, the light shining on me. <i>Remember this moment, Jen, </i>I'll say to myself,<i> cuz it will pass and then you'll fall back into your less-discerning coasting mode, where you worry about the small stuff and try and control all the things that don't matter at all. And then something bad will happen and you'll look around and wonder why you wasted so much time. </i> </div>
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Maybe there's a few tricks we can implement, aside from pretending like our eyes are cameras, to keep a very natural and human "coasting mode" from kicking in. Maybe we can lean on a couple tools to help us stay in the moment more often.<br />
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<b>Soothing Places</b><br />
Imagery is incredible and imaginations are powerful. I sometimes become so enveloped in my daydreams that they become reality. This can be good and bad; sometimes my daydreams are more like daymares. I can become filled with anxiety and spend way too much time reliving painful moments I wished I'd handled differently. I find it extraordinarily helpful to have a few soothing places to go in my mind when I can't seem to shake negativity.<br />
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One of my soothing places is my bed. I feel the sheets, I can smell the scent of my pillows, the light is cozy and gentle. I picture myself cocooned in soft blankets and melting into my safe spot, tucked away from chaos and experiencing nothing but rest. Another one of my soothing places is the seaside. I can smell the water, hear the gulls, feel the sand under my feet. I shade my eyes from the sunlight sparkling off the water, and hear the waves lapping at the shore, salty water crashing against my ankles, the rhythmic and constant pulse of the ocean sweeping shells onto the beach and then drawing them back out to sea again and again. Over and over. I could be hurting. I could be feeling like it's all over now. But the waves keep coming in and out. They will keep washing onto the shore whether my life is over or not. My problems' insignificance is comforting. Life continues with or without my approval. There is consistency and security to be found there.<br />
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<b>Soothing People</b><br />
I love each and every one of the distinctly different people in my life. Some are incredible at giving advice, others are my logical, grounded go-to's. Some love on me from afar with sweet texts and quotes, others show up on my doorstep and stand there ready for my pain. I know great cooks, I know wonderful listeners, I know comedians with hearts of gold and humor. I have friends who will fly with me into dreamy and unrealistic plans for the future and others who prefer to remind me of my credit card debt when I'm feeling impulsive. There is incredible value to all styles of friendship and love and support.<br />
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That being said, there is nothing wrong with using discernment during the various seasons of life. Sometimes I really need the friend who is logical and honest. Sometimes I really need the one who will lie to my face because she knows it's what I need to hear. I'm finding that at this particular moment of my life, I am drawn to the steady, consistent, accepting, gentle people in my life...the uncomplicated, unquestioning, quietly supportive souls speak to the anxious and fearful parts of me. Those anxious and fearful parts of me seem to be running the show these days and need the most attention, so I seek out those most soothing to my specific ailments. Find your soothing people and love on them and let them love on you. They will remind you to stay focused on this very moment and guide you gently to the next.<br />
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<b>Disconnect from the Feeds</b><br />
Nothing good comes from comparison...and that's kinda what social media is all about. Sharing and comparing, it's just what we humans do. If you're truly interested in living in the moment, you gotta shut it down. At least for a little while.<br />
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I've realized checking my social media feeds over and over is typically a sign of depression and boredom. I rarely go on there when I'm with other people or when I'm busy, but I am on there all the time when I'm feeling crummy and alone. What a terrible way to handle my sorrow - compound it with a good dose of social comparison! I don't know why I do it, but it's almost like I can't help it. I get bored, I want to see what people are doing, so I check my feeds. I never feel better after doing this. Now to be fair, I do read and see some pretty inspirational things on social media - especially after I get done blocking people and adjusting my feed content - but I can also find that kind of inspiration in books....or photo albums.....or outside in nature....all without the steady stream of not-so-inspirational things that often outnumber the good posts at least 2:1.<br />
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I have to force myself to do it, but when I do, putting my phone down and disconnecting almost always makes me feel better. I yearn for my phone and struggle, quite frankly, and feel naked without it, but once that panic passes and I become engrossed in another activity, I always end up feeling refreshed and happy and productive. I feel like I did my part to enjoy that moment, to truly soak it up and not miss a thing. It feels good.<br />
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<b>Find your Church!</b><br />
There's a very handsome and wise man I know who isn't particularly religious, but goes to church every chance he gets. And by church I mean some kind, any kind, of water with fish in it. The water is his place to reconnect and recenter himself. He typically goes by himself, sometimes late into the night, and always comes off the water happy, even if he doesn't catch a fish. I picture him out there with the sun setting, the water lapping against his kayak, the breeze softly blowing, every now and then feeling that tug of hope and possibility on his line, and I could see how he'd find God out there.<br />
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You don't need to be Christian. You don't even need to believe in a higher power. Find your sanctuary, your place to go and be when you need a change of heart or some time to think. Sit there, or stand there, or dance there, and reestablish your perspective. When your mind wanders into worry, bring it back to where you are at that very moment. Let yourself escape and acknowledge and be free from guilt. Your church is your place to worship and give thanks and be serenely and wholly you.<br />
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Is there truly a way to live in the moment, all the time? I don't know. Really, I don't. I'd like to think some enlightened minds out there somewhere have made it to the point where they can filter out all the garbage and just be. I'd like to think that maybe one day, with practice, I will be capable of keeping the perspective of someone who's just lost someone they love....the running-with-the-wind, time-is-short, Mama Lynnette way of living. <i>Let's do this,</i> she'd say. <i>No time like the present! </i><br />
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-61494832030815580702017-02-13T13:23:00.000-08:002017-02-13T13:23:23.350-08:002017 Renewal Challenge: RelationshipsThere are two primary groups of thought when it comes to Valentine's Day:<br />
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<b>Group A:</b> It's a wonderful day filled with flowers and pink, hearts and dinners! An opportunity to show love and appreciation! A day of guaranteed romance! Bring on the chocolates and balloons!<br />
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<b>Group B:</b> I wish Cupid would literally stab me directly in the heart so I wouldn't need to endure the tragic, materialistic, greeting-card-concocted waste of money and time that is Valentine's Day.<br />
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I fit nicely right in-between the two. I adore flowers, but hate that close to 80% of the flowers found in the grocery store are shipped to America via poor Ecuadorian and Colombian farmers who are treated unfairly and paid even worse. I love chocolate, but again, poverty-stricken, unfair trade practices make it difficult to justify a few sweet bites of goodness at someone else's expense. And then there's the extravagant jewelry....yet again, stones shipped in from unknown places, mined by unknown, mistreated people, all so I can smile for an hour or two on a holiday the people who provided my goodies prolly never even heard of. So I suppose if done correctly, fairly, and with the right intentions, I could like Valentine's Day. But in my perfect world? Love would be celebrated and shown every single day.<br />
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And what better way to celebrate then by committing to renew the relationships in our lives?<br />
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<b>Gather Friends Close</b><br />
One of my best and wisest friends, when confronted with my worries that I am too "co-dependent" because I don't like being alone, reassured me with the following advice: <i>"We are human beings, biologically made to exist in groups. We were not designed by nature to be alone and isolated. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be around others."</i><br />
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I get the need to be alone. I'm learning <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/05/10-fantastic-and-frugal-things-to-do.html" target="_blank">how to venture out and be comfortable alone</a> more and more each day. But when push comes to shove, I am a gregarious creature in spirit, heart, and mind. I laugh harder, smile bigger, worry less, and learn more when I am around others. It doesn't need to be a huge group, nor does it need to be a specific person. I just grow better in a garden.<br />
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I often put pressure on myself to cut ties with this "needy" mentality of mine. I feel guilty for wanting to be around people. I worry that I'm not "being enough for myself" and therefore will never be enough for others. But I think that's the catch - if I really want to be true to myself, I need to accept all parts of myself....embrace them, even. And that means soaring high with my inner empath and allowing myself to depend, however vulnerable it makes me, on others.<br />
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On the flip side, some excel best on their own. They relish and delight in isolation. And I respect that, despite not relating as much to those needs.<br />
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But if I could go out on a limb here and just quickly speak to those isolationists.....friends enhance the world around us. Good friends, real friends, yes they require work, yes they can make you tired, yes they can disappoint you. But good friendships, really good friendships, they offer a hand to hold while you're at your weakest. They offer a sounding board. They offer a soul to share your joy with. One of my favorite quotes is by Emery Allen, who said, <i><b>"You don't need another human being to make your life complete, but let's be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world."</b></i><br />
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In exchange for vulnerability, you receive love....a love that will stand beside you while you work to be independent, while you work to make yourself happy, and while you strive to learn from your mistakes. Gather your friends close. They can be rays of sunshine on your cloudy days.<br />
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<b>Reconnect</b><br />
Renewing relationships can be as easy as shooting off a quick text or sending a Facebook message. <i>Want to meet for coffee this Tuesday? What day works better for you? I'm heading out tonight if you're around!</i> It can also be incredibly hard and awkward.<br />
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Life gets in the way of plans. Life gets in the way of forming connections. Life gets in the way of relationships. Sometimes our perspective becomes complacent on accident, like when we're so ridiculously busy with our own internal drama that we forget to include a friend in plans or forget to reach out and wish a good friend a happy birthday. Other times our relationships purposely take a back seat to new priorities in our lives. Children. Work. Travel.<br />
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The good news is, almost every broken relationship can be resolved by simply making a choice. Do you want to make the time for this person? Do the benefits to having them in your life outweigh the work it will take to reconnect? Are you willing to apologize? Are you healthy and strong enough to accept they might not accept your apology?<br />
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If you miss someone and you truly want them back in your life, you've gotta be willing to be humble, you've gotta be willing to take responsibility for allowing the relationship to slip without projecting any of that on the other person, and you've gotta be prepared for the other person to turn you down flat. It's that simple. That is your choice. You cannot predict what the other person will say, or do, and that's ok. If the only way to resolve a disconnected relationship is by permanently closing the door, then so be it. At least you've got closure...<i>see what I did there</i>. Hopefully the person on the receiving end of your effort will also make the choice to be humble, to take responsibility, and to apologize. Or maybe it truly is all your fault and you've just got to eat that. Or maybe the reconnection process won't have an ounce of drama at all and you can just pick up where you left off.<br />
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The point is, you are in control of your half of every relationship. If you're missing someone, take consistent, solid, repeating steps to bridge the gap. Make the choice to invest in that relationship and make it a priority. Maybe it will blossom, maybe it will fizzle into obscurity, but either way you can say you tried your best and are taking steps to improving your relationships with others.<br />
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<b>Retrain Expectations</b><br />
One of my favorite things about being around other people is how much I learn. Everyone is so different...even those I am close to and deeply care about sometimes have different opinions from me. It's incredibly interesting to me when a large group of people engage in friendly, intelligent debate. I love watching reactions, seeing tempers quietly flare, and feeling the passion coming off everyone in the room.<br />
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But the flip side to this diversity is that you won't always see eye to eye. Yes, it is great to hear other perspectives, but sometimes those perspectives work against the relationship you're trying to form.<br />
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A perfect example of this is my tendency to be extremely territorial of those I care about. For someone who considers herself a half-empath, I sure do turn my back on how others feel when they try and become a part of my close knit-relationship circle. Now I could wax poetic about how I was isolated and bullied as a kid and dip deep into the psychological reasons behind why I am the way I am, but then this post would be 400 more words and to be honest my kid will be up from her nap real soon here so let me just say - I am extremely territorial. Do not encroach on my relationships with others or behave in any way that I could perceive as threatening to the bonds I've worked tirelessly to maintain. I speak about this at length in my <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2014/04/women-and-their-friends-this-chicks.html" target="_blank">understanding territorial behaviors in females</a> post - I get to "cut-a-B" levels when I feel like my relationship with someone I love is disrespected.<br />
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Unfortunately, those who are new to the group or who have not met me or know anything about my history don't understand this. They unknowingly walk right into the fire, a fire that burns as a deep grudge within my heart for way longer than it should. Did I mention I also suck at letting things go? I do. I suck at letting things go. Which is basically a death sentence for the new girl who tries to invite my best friend to coffee without me. First impression destroyed, wedge driven, mind shut.<br />
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Ultimately what this all leads to is me snarling in a corner while the newcomer looks around wondering why this lady is hunched over and snarling in the corner.<br />
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I need to retrain my expectations, you see. I cannot expect everyone to know my backstory. I cannot expect them to understand my version of a threat vs the traditional version of a threat. They do not and cannot read my mind. The same can be said of friends who've known me my whole life. They don't always know how I'm feeling. They cannot always understand why I'm upset. And instead of holding that against them, I need to understand this is the flip-side of the diversity that I love and hold so dear to my heart in almost every other circumstance.<br />
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Because we are different, we are never 100% one. This is the joy and this is also the sadness. I'm gonna hafta be a big girl and explain myself...which I've gotten better at doing over the years <i>(lots of practice! heh heh! Hehe...ugh)</i>. I'm going to need to practice forgiveness and compassion. And yes, I'm going to need to provide for and tend to my own feelings instead of expecting them to be constantly met and coddled by those around me. Friends are wonderful, but like I said before, relationships are enhancements to your life.....a life you, yourself need to build on a steady and sturdy base.<br />
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<b>Release the Weight</b><br />
It doesn't happen often, but every once in a while I need to let people go. I think a healthy part of renewing your life and your relationships with those around you is to occasionally step back and ask if the relationship is serving you well.<br />
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Now I purposely wrote this section under the "expectations" section because if you go looking for flaws in your relationships, you're bound to find one or two in every single one of them. Everyone judges your decisions, especially those who care about you and think they know better than you do. Some are outward about it and others try and remain neutral but everyone has an opinion and will judge you from time to time. There are <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2014/05/a-foolios-guide-to-dealing-with-judgment.html" target="_blank">ways to deal with that judgement</a>, and ending relationships is not one of them.<br />
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But every so often there are relationships that need to be released. You don't need to hate the person, you don't need to not care about the person, but sometimes your efforts are better spent elsewhere. I wrote a pretty long post about <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/08/how-to-deal-with-painful-people.html" target="_blank">dealing with painful people</a> last fall when things really started to take a turn for the worst with my ex-husband. It is very hard to get me to a place where I will no longer try, but once that happens, I've mentally and emotionally closed the door on that relationship. I do it for my own safekeeping. I do it for the safekeeping of the relationships that truly do nurture my soul and understand me and see me for who I am. And I do so with the understanding that should anyone I once made an effort to love ever came to my door in need of food and shelter, I would open it to them without question. I don't beleive that love ever really dies. It just gets locked up. And that's ok.<br />
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If you have relationships in your life that are weighing you down instead of helping you fly, that make you feel worse about yourself than better, it might be time to close the door on that relationship. Hope that one day the person shows up on your doorstep changed and filled with perspective....but do not count on it. It's hard but this step is imperative to renewing the relationships you do have left...the ones with those who truly do love you and need your attention.<br />
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<b>Ooze Gratuity</b><br />
One of my biggest fears <i>(outside of losing relationships because the other person randomly decides I am not what they want....another story for another time) </i>is being taken for granted. Getting comfortable with your relationships is inevitable. You become intimately attuned to the other person's mannerisms....the same things don't make you laugh any more. The little quirks are no longer unique, they are just a part of that person's persona. The touches and phrases become routine instead of tingling. It's what happens, naturally, as part of a relationship's natural rhythm.<br />
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But screw rhythms. It's perfectly ok to be comfortable and secure. It's a completely different thing to become lazy. Relationships take work....lots and lots of work. They take discomfort and inconvenience and sacrifice. For the right person, especially in the beginning, that discomfort and inconvenience and sacrifice might not seem like work at all. But once you start to truly know another person, it takes unique, appreciative, and proactive thought processes to keep relationships alive.<br />
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I will forever be grateful to my best good friend cuz despite being friends for over 20 years, and despite me having kids and us both moving far far away from each other multiple times and despite relationship troubles and post-partum depression and changes to our circle of friends she has always, consistently made time for me on my own terms. She will come to me, she is flexible with me, she does not ask for anything in return except my willingness to go along with the plans she's already created. She calls me, she texts me, she deals with my crap, and I deal with her crap. We are far from perfect and we fight. But despite our differences I have so much appreciation in my heart for who she is and what she's done to keep our friendship alive over the years.<br />
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That kind of appreciation is often forgotten. We get bogged down and we forget to say thank you. We forget to pay it forward. We forget to return kindness with kindness. I am so, so guilty of not wanting to leave my house much. I like it here and this is where I am most comfortable. But I tell you what, you come over, and I'll try and reward your effort by feeding you good food and giving you all of my attention and treating you like the most honored king or queen in all the land.<br />
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You don't need to return kindness in the exact same way it is delivered. The idea is to simply return the kindness. Try. Make effort. Do the best you can without needing to be reminded that yes, it takes two to make things magic. Be grateful for those in your life and don't take them for granted. An appreciated relationship is a rewarding relationship.<br />
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I think the hardest part about tending to our relationships is the fact that we need to really look at ourselves and evaluate what we could be doing differently. Relationships include at least two people, always, but you as an individual can only control one side of that equation. Dive into your relationships with a grateful heart, an understanding spirit, a selective eye, and a willingness to view those you keep close as embellishments on a canvas that should already be sparkling with all the wonderful things you have to offer this world. Keep your garden clean, nurtured, and loved, and everyone will blossom :)<br />
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How do you handle the relationships in your life? Have you found children, work, or other priorities getting in the way of holding on to those outside of your own home? What's your favorite way to bring the "spark" back into your relationships? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so much for reading.</div>
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Looking for some unique ways to feel renewed? I've got you covered :) Check out the other posts in my 2017 Renewal Challenge:</div>
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<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-around-house.html" target="_blank">Around the House</a></div>
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<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-eating.html" target="_blank">Eating</a></div>
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<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/02/2017-renewal-challenge-rest.html" target="_blank">Rest</a></div>
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</span>Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-81358944175502776242017-02-06T13:01:00.002-08:002017-02-06T13:01:22.669-08:002017 Renewal Challenge: RestOne of my absolute favorite places in the whole wide world is my bed. I love laying down in my bed, reading in my bed...I've even been known to eat candy and cake and french fries in my bed. It's a place of comfort to me, where everything I need is right there at my fingertips and relaxation surrounds me.<br />
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Except lately. Lately I've been jumping onto my phone in the morning and at night and my pulse starts to quicken. We are a divided country and the things I see and hear and read keep me up at night, they inspire me to take action, they push my worries and anxiety into overdrive.<br />
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<i>A little light reading before bed, yes Jen? How about getting drowned in inequality and rich man puppetry and shaming and removing the rights of others and fearing for your daughters' safety instead. Meh-heh-heh sweet dreams, Clarice! </i><br />
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I've never really been one to just let things go. I completely suck at it, frankly. I dwell and obsess until the problem is resolved. This flaw of mine has an upside: it's instilled a sense of purpose to my life and I often find myself saying, "if you don't like it, do something about it." So I act a lot. Sometimes irrationally. Almost always reactively.<br />
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The activist within me hates to rest. The humanitarian within me feels guilty for resting. The young woman within me screams at me to get out and live before it's all over. And the mama within me shames me for not making the most out of my babies' childhoods while I still can.<br />
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Resting does not come easily to me. Resting is most definitely a challenge.<br />
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<b>Release the guilt!</b><br />
Everyone needs sleep and everyone deserves peace, even us well-off, white, suburban moms. My mind, recalling images of starving, war-ravaged children, often fights me on this. <i>What do you have to complain about, Jen? What are you tired for? Do you have any idea how easy you have it? Are you appreciating your privilege enough? Are you getting lazy because it's "the American way?" What could you be doing instead of resting?</i><br />
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Every now and then, particularly when I'm around someone who validates a restful, relaxed lifestyle, I can coerce my brain into letting me shut down for a little while. But the guilt still seethes.<br />
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One of the only things that works for me is the reminder that <b>without rest, I am acting with only a portion of my potential greatness</b>. When I think about all the things I want to accomplish, when I actually envision myself on the ground, making things happen, I never imagine myself standing there with dark circles, a furrowed brow, and a hazy consciousness. Nope. The successful Jen in my dreams is always alert, quick-thinking, anticipating. She is confident, composed, ready. She most definitely is not yawning and snapping at her kids and bursting out in tears at ASPCA commercials.<br />
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The only way I can be the very best mom, friend, daughter, significant other, and Jen I can be is if I give myself permission to release my focus and zone out every now and then. Shut out the worries. Stash away the fear. Give my mind and my heart a break. Live fully in my privilege and realize that once I'm done resting, I'll get right back to working and passing freedom and privilege to others.<br />
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<b>Hygge</b><br />
Have you heard of this yet? Hygge is a Danish word that kinda sorta means "coziness." It's an idea, or rather a collection of ideas, that purports our standard, ho-hum moments can be transformed into special, meaningful, delicious experiences simply by tending to the small stuff. Blankets, hot chocolate, soothing music, warm lighting, good company, long books, drawn-out meals....these are just a few things that can create hygge. The Danish have long winters with very little daylight, so they created hygge as a way to continue happy, healthy, appreciative, enjoyable lifestyles despite the bleakness outside. When we take the time to light candles, create warmth, and set the stage for comfort, we are forced to focus on that very moment - the attention to detail helps you appreciate the moment you've created for yourself and for others.<br />
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I tried my hand at hygge last week and wouldn't you know it? It was wonderfully restful. I lit a candle, I turned my TV into a cross-country train ride <i>(check out SlowTV on Netflix), </i>I brewed myself some tea, grabbed my blanket, and set out my seed catalogs. With each "settling in" step, I found myself anticipating the warmth, serenity, and relaxation ahead. My mind focused on creating a peaceful environment, one filled with things I love and find soothing. By the time I'd fallen into the beautiful abyss that is springtime seed planting, the worries I'd previously been obsessing over were shoved to the back burner. My mind was resting and it felt glorious.<br />
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<b>Hobbies</b><br />
Resting doesn't need to mean sitting on the couch watching TV. It doesn't need to mean sitting at all, actually. One of my favorite ways to rest is by way of creation. When I'm trying a new cookie recipe, I am resting. When I'm painting or coloring, I am resting. When I'm digging new seeds into the dirt, I am resting. Each of those things require a great deal of concentration and with every scoop of flour, splatter of paint, and sprinkle of seeds, my worries slip farther and father into the background.<br />
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Think of something enjoyable that challenges your brain and requires total focus. It could be swimming. It could be writing. Heck, it could be playing an online hidden object game. Write them down or save them to a note in your phone. Next time you find yourself getting overwhelmed and in need of rest, whip out that list and pick something, anything, to give yourself a break. The things you need to worry about will be there waiting, so give yourself permission to walk back to your problems refreshed and ready to tackle them with a clear head.<br />
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<b>A Life of Seasons</b><br />
Our world cycles back and forth, round and round, from sunny summer days to freezing winter nights. Our lives are no different. Sometimes we are stuck in a season of stress and inconsistency and worry. Sometimes we are flying high in a season of security and potential and excitement. Each season calls forward its own set of needs, including needs centered around rest and renewal. Sometimes we can go a whole week without needing a time out. Other times we need to take 10 time outs a day. Your seasonal swings are natural and they are ok.<br />
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If you're not able to cope today, don't cope. Take care of the bare minimum obligations and then get out of your head for a little while. When your mind is telling you it can't do it, listen. Give it a rest. These sleepy, exhausted moments can carry on for a couple days - let them. You don't need to "make up for it," the next day, that will happen naturally once you've regained your strenth. Sometimes I can look at the world with a sense of awe and inspiration. Other times I see nothing but sadness and darkness. What goes up must come down.....every storm runs out of rain.....and change is the only constant. Allow yourself to circle round and round and accept the seasons of your life. The hard times create the contrast we need to truly recognize the light....so give yourself a break and rest up when you're feeling down.<br />
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<b>Read</b><br />
It's not easy to clear our heads from the clutter of the day. I'm not going to lie, most of these posts I write here on this blog are for me. I can't tell you how many times I've revisited the blog and tried to remind myself of what I just said....like the one about <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/08/be-too-busy-to-be-busy.html" target="_blank">being too busy living to be busy in any other way</a>, or <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2013/09/stress-less-tips-and-tricks-from.html" target="_blank">tips on how to stress less</a>. I've read the <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2014/05/a-foolios-guide-to-dealing-with-judgment.html" target="_blank">dealing with judgement gracefully</a> post more times than I can count. I write these things down to serve as reminders to myself. My head is at its peak darkness right before I rest. One of the very first things I do when I get to the point where I am about to explode from anxiety is (and this is gonna sound insane.....because it kinda is insane) I get on Google. I get on Google and I type my problem right in the search bar and I read. I read for perspective. I read for comparison. And once I've gotten my fill of internet insanity, I start to wean down my content into pieces that distract me and make me feel good.<br />
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You don't need to read blogs <i>(although, let's face it, they're pretty dang fantastic)</i>. You can read poetry. You can look at pretty pictures. You can listen to music. You can watch funny videos. The point is to find content that is not social media (you cannot control or predict social media content) and use the content to propel you into a more restful state. Sometimes escaping to a good book or a 22-minute-long video of The Office outtakes is all you really need to center yourself. True story.<br />
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Resting does not come easily to some of us. This week's challenge is to find new, sustainable ways to rest so we can all operate during our active phases at our full potential. The monarch butterfly rests in that cocoon for two whole weeks before emerging in all of her beautiful glory.....pretty sure we can take a half hour to watch cats on YouTube, sip on tea, read a good blog post, and laugh.<br />
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What are your favorite ways to rest? Do you struggle to let go and really immerse yourself in relaxation? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below. As always, thank you so so much for reading :)</div>
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Looking for some unique ways to feel renewed? I've got you covered :) Check out the other posts in my 2017 Renewal Challenge:</div>
<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-around-house.html" target="_blank">Around the House</a><br />
<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-eating.html" target="_blank">Eating</a><br />
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-17266270306662413612017-01-30T13:33:00.001-08:002017-01-30T13:33:25.319-08:002017 Renewal Challenge: EatingHello again my lovely readers. I have missed you. I have some very exciting things to share with you, things that will explain my absence and hopefully inspire your creative side....but I am a mean ol' blogger <i>and you'll need to wait to hear about those things until March.</i><br />
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You see, we have some renewing to tend to.<br />
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These last few days filled my heart with fear, anger, and pain. Our political climate is the most volatile I've ever personally seen it and as I sit back and let wave after wave of heartbreaking news crash over me, I find myself feeling extraordinarily powerless. I feel trapped and I feel afraid....and like most animals in my predicament, my first instinct is to bite, snap, and do everything in my power to regain control of the situation. But instead I read....I read everything I can. And instead I march. And instead I sign petitions. And donate money. Instead I have conversations with my daughters. I talk to my friends. I read a little more. And of course, I write.<br />
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As <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-around-house.html" target="_blank">I mentioned a few weeks ago</a>, my hope is that this series develops into a little bag of tricks we can tap into when our soul needs some healing. I started slow a few weeks ago, talking about how to <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2017/01/2017-renewal-challenge-around-house.html" target="_blank">renew our homes and the spaces around us</a>, and will continue to "up the ante" each week and get a little closer to true introspection as time goes by. Today's post, therefore, doesn't come close to addressing the personal turmoil and anarchy that has moved into my soul as of late. Instead, I am staying dedicated to taking it slow...step by step....and maintaining hope that by the end, light will have reached all the dark places.<br />
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So today we talk about something simple....something we can control...something that is constant and biological and often times in need of reflection.....<br />
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Eating.<br />
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I absolutely adore food, don't you? I love flavors and textures and trying new things. I have a super sensitive "spicy" palate that makes those around me laugh and I can devour an entire pizza all by my lonesome like any true All-American Woman should. I love cooking and testing out new recipes. One of my favorite things of all time is taking something I've grown, making it into a meal, feeding it to others, and watching their faces light up. Food is <b>life</b> and <b>love</b> and <b>opportunity</b>.<br />
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But then, on the flip side, there's my reflection in the mirror. I poke, pinch, grip, lift, squeeze, and prod at the areas of my body that don't match up with whatever perfect Jen image I've concocted in my head for the day. I notice dimples and wrinkles and more flesh in my hands and I start to despise food, or rather my disconnection from it, and begin to see food as an enemy. <i>If I eat you, I lose. If I taste you, I've let myself down. </i>It sometimes gets to the point where just an aftertaste of something I've recently eaten triggers feelings of immense guilt and shame. <i>You've failed again, Jen. You weren't supposed to eat anything at all today. Let your body eat all the fat you've got, kay?</i><br />
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<i>*shudder*</i><br />
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My relationship with food is quite two-faced.<br />
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It's times like these, when the winter cold and early dusk keep me inside and inactive, that those destructive and cloudy thoughts begin to shake my happiness tree. All the fruits of an active, healthy, happy summer and harvest season come plopping down around me and I start to sink in the mushy, stinky decay of self-loathing. Working out is no longer attractive. Eating good food is no longer attractive. Cooking is no longer attractive. In my head, I am no longer attractive. My entire being - heart, mind, and body - turns into a self-fulfilling prophesy.<br />
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And that's where this particular page of our renewal comes in. It's at this very moment, these most destructive times, that we need to find the courage to stop ourselves...pause, recognize we're sad, recognize it's ok to be sad, but then also recognize it's time to regain our happiness. Time to realign the power struggle. Time to reconnect to our plates in an intimate and loving way. Time to renew ourselves in the most basic and primal of forms.<br />
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<b>Choices, Choices</b><br />
The buzzwords are everywhere....organic, homegrown, GMO, pesticide-free, cage-free, free-range, hormone-free.....I don't need to tell you anymore that reading labels and choosing foods that are as close to nature as possible is by far the very best way to keep good food, and only good food, on your plate. Processed foods are no good. Fast food drive-thrus are no good. Excessive amounts of anything is no good. We know all this.<br />
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Contrary to popular belief, I do partake in all those no-good-things I mentioned above. It happens. I'm imperfect and I love to eat garbage, especially when I'm distraught. But I beg you, implore you, if you're looking to renew your eating habits and feel more connected to your food, quit the no-good-things. Quit them cold turkey. Forgive yourself when you mess up and then come back to the green side. I've found my sugar cravings go down when I decrease the amount of candy I eat. I found my cravings for McDonald's cheeseburgers go down when I stop eating McDonald's cheeseburgers. Weird how that works, hmm? Almost like, maybe, the manufacturers are placing addictive additives in those products that cause us to chemically depend on them and therefore want more...and more...and more....dunno, just a theory.<br />
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<b>Producers, Producers</b><br />
I absolutely love pork sausage. I buy pounds of it every month and use it in practically every meal requiring meat. Now I could just go to the store and buy a package of pork sausage made from pigs from all over the world....but instead I order my meat from a farm....with a farmer who comes out, himself, to deliver his product.<br />
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Remember that disconnection from our food I mentioned earlier? This is a beautiful way to reconnect. Meet the people who make your food. Listen to their stories, follow them on social media, and regain confidence in what you're eating. Using discretion when buying food reestablishes producer-to-consumer relationships that were long ago buried beneath the wheels of refrigerated trucks. As an added bonus? When you buy from someone you know, that someone is likely nearby. <a href="http://www.clevelandclinicwellness.com/food/SeasonalEating/Pages/introduction.aspx" target="_blank">Eating in-season foods that naturally grow around you is incredibly beneficial to your health</a>. And it's not as difficult as you might think...<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/04/growing-garden-what-to-do-with-your.html" target="_blank">I break down some of my favorite "eating seasonally" tricks in this post.</a><br />
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Choose good things from good places delivered by good people. Such action reforges the broken chains of our food system and helps us connect to our food in very personal, responsible, and cooperative ways.<br />
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<b>Grocery Shopping Woes</b><br />
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I don't think we'll ever be rid of grocery stores forever. I'd love to sit here and dream that we'll all one day have our own gardens and everyone will be more self-sufficient and the major food conglomerates will all go out of business...but one look at the McDonald's drive thru on a Saturday morning in 2017 when we all know that stuff ain't good <i>clearly</i> shows me people do not care enough to make my dreamland come to life. And similarly, I don't have the time to drive to a few different farms each week to get everything I need, and the local winters' market doesn't sell it all <i>(yet....fingers crossed the food movement will one day make it so our farmers carry everything we need)</i>. Until then, we will always need grocery stores to feed our people.<br />
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And people, grocery stores are expensive. All those no-good-things I mentioned earlier? Well in addition to being more readily available and addictive, they're also cheaper. I'm a single mama with a chicken addiction and a big ol house of growing females to feed. I don't have the money to be dropping hundreds each week on food...even when I know the money is supporting organics and local food. I've found myself choosing between organic milk and grassfed butter recently. Eating good food on a budget is not as easy as they say, especially in the off-season when the ground is frozen, and especially if you're looking to get your shopping done at one place instead of 5.<br />
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And so I've found myself at Aldi recently. Yes. You heard me. This is not some kinda sponsored-blog-post thing, this is my real-life-learning-experience thing. I went there because I was gifted a gift card. I walked out with my mind blown. They had organic produce. Organic dairy. Organic snack crackers and cereals. They even had sprouted grain bread - sprouted grain bread! And let's face it, if the standards of organic labeling are slipping (<a href="https://corporatewatch.org/content/corporate-organics-history-slipping-organic-standards-us">which they are</a>), then an organic pepper from Aldi is no lesser of an organic pepper than one from Trader Joes or Whole Foods or any of those other high-priced places. Frankly, if I have to shop at a grocery store, I'm not buying local anyways, so I may as well shop somewhere that allows me to stay within my budget and holds me over until my growing season starts.<br />
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Ideally I'd shop during the off-season at a co-op...<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2015/10/why-food-co-ops-are-better-than-grocery.html" target="_blank">because food co-ops are way better than any grocery store....</a>.but my local co-op is not open yet. So until then, finding affordable ways to eat the food that makes me feel good is the way I'm heading.<br />
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Are you struggling to afford the good-for-you-foods? Get outside your comfort zone and try somewhere new. Maybe your winter farmers markets are better equipped than mine - farmers market prices <a href="https://www.pps.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/RWJF-Report.pdf" target="_blank">are comparable or even cheaper than grocery stores, especially when you're buying organic.</a><br />
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<b>Gardening</b><br />
You might've caught me mentioning the "off-season" up there in that previous section....here in northern Illinois, food doesn't start popping up till the ground thaws sometime in May, and even then, we are short on the fun stuff (tomatoes, corn, pumpkins, summer squash, cauliflower) until August at the earliest. I've tried my hand at growing things for the past three years and only last year did I produce enough to preserve anything for the winter.<br />
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Gardening is by far the most cost-effective, enriching way to connect to our food. I wrote an entire <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/03/growing-garden-where-do-i-start.html" target="_blank">Growing a Garden Series</a> based on my experiences and the tips and tricks I wish I knew in years 1 and 2 of my gardening adventure. It takes time, yes, and money upfront, yes, but once you get into your groove, and start to literally bear the fruits of your labor, there is nothing more satisfying or fulfilling than eating healthy, delicious food from your own backyard. This is my favorite eating renewal tip - <b>grow something!</b></div>
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<b>Meal Planning</b></div>
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It might seem like a no-brainer, meal planning, but it's hard. Meal planning is hard. You've gotta look at what you have, and compare it to what you need, and then compare all that to what you ate last week, and see if you can turn anything into multiple meals, and take your work schedule into consideration, and plan for days when you have the kids or don't have the kids, and keep meals on hand for nights when plans fall through or you're running late.<br />
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But it's so, so worth it.<br />
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I do not like cooking when I'm in my food funk mood. I don't want to eat healthy, I want to sit and be fed and then sleep. Cooking requires me to get up, take action, think, prepare. I don't like doing any of those things when I'm depressed. I just want to be watching Netflix.<br />
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But can I please tell you, once I'm in there, and I toss that garlic into the olive oil, and I add some meat and veggies, and the smell of homemade biscuits hits my nose, I feel something....and it's not the shadowy feeling I felt on the couch while watching Netflix.....it's like a high. I get high off productivity. And meal planning forces me to be productive. If I have a menu sitting there I know I've got ingredients, many of which are perishable, sitting around waiting on me to dice them up before they go bad. If I have a menu sitting there I know I've spent time and money selecting a good healthy meal for my family. If I have a menu sitting there I don't need to scramble to throw something together, I just need to get up and cook it.<br />
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Meal planning motivates me to cook, keeps me on a nice grocery budget, assures I use everything in my fridge and pantry, and eliminates some of the stress of serving dinner. I feel better when I cook. I feel better about what I eat and I feel joy when others eat what I serve. It's a lovely experience once I get off my butt and get to it...which is what my weekly menu gently nudges me to do.<br />
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<b>Cooking</b><br />
You might not be good at it. Do it anyways. You might not particularly like it. Do it anyways. If you are looking to renew your relationship with eating, you gotta learn how to create the things you eat. Start small. Have your <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/11/cooking-with-kids-blueberry-banana.html" target="_blank">kids help you cook.</a> Take a weekend and create a bunch of freezer meals and basics like <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-hippie-wanna-be-chronicles-bone.html" target="_blank">homemade bone broth</a> or pasta sauce so when you're short on time, your meal is just a jar away.<br />
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And I challenge you to step away from the microwave. Try making tortillas from scratch. Mix up your own buttermilk. I do this super-amazing thing where I make double the recipe of some of my favorite sauces and then freeze half of them so next time I make that meal, I can be lazy.<br />
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Cooking connects you to your food much like purchasing from a farmer connects you to your food - it injects personality and emotion and effort into your eating experience. I feel proud when I serve food I've cooked. I am proud of myself and I want to keep cooking because I feel good about what I've accomplished. I don't get that same satisfaction from microwaved chicken nuggets. Granted, I'll get nuggets....so that's always a win....but there's always something missing from that experience...something that causes me guilt later.<br />
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Give cooking a shot. Start small - make macaroni and cheese or chicken and rice or ravioli. It's an experience that leads to a deeper appreciation for what you're putting into your body. </div>
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<b>The Physical Act of Eating</b><br />
When I lived in Europe one of my favorite culture shocks was the dining experience. No waiters bugging you every five minutes, no time limit on how long you can sit and talk, and absolutely zero pressure to buy anything. Every restaurant I ate at, from Germany to France to Luxembourg, shared this one thing in common: <b>let them eat.</b><br />
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I still notice the difference today in America. Every time I go out to eat, the waiter or waitress will come by my table 3, 4, sometimes 5 times in under an hour to "check" on us. He will ask me if I want to see desserts before I've finished packing up my entree. She will bring the check well ahead of when I've finished sipping my drink. There is a urgency to turn, turn, turn the tables and get more people in, get them fed, get them out. It's sad to me - and in my opinion, completely indicative of the disconnection Americans have with their food and eating experiences.<br />
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I loved sitting at the heavily-carved wooden tables and laughing and talking for hours - literally hours - over my half-finished plate of schnitzel and pomme fritz. I loved that I had to wave wildly and flag someone down if I needed something instead of getting interrupted moments before sharing heartbreaking news, or delivering a hilarious punchline, or getting kissed by someone I love. I adored eating in Europe because it was about the <i>experience </i>of breaking bread with others - not about flipping tables as fast as you could.<br />
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Eating in America has become a frenzied, frantic action of "squeeze in a quick lunch" or "I gotta get out of there within the hour." We eat on the go - supper in a sack, breakfast in a cup. In the case of <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2014/01/green-smoothies-arent-disgusting-jars.html" target="_blank">green smoothies</a>, this is an entirely acceptable solution to a poorly-planned morning, but everyday? Or on a nice night out? Or for dinner every night? All that time spent cooking....just to get up and walk away from the table 10 minutes later?<br />
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I've worked very hard to slow down my eating....to try and taste my food, to talk to those around me. A few years ago I implemented a "how was your day" practice around my dinner table. Now my four-year-old initiates it every night. <i>"How was your day today, Mama? What did you do today? Tell me all about it!"</i> Her little voice is like a rolling and bubbling stream....it's soothing. And it connects me to my plate, the moment, the people around me. I learn about my kids and what they're thinking and experiencing.<br />
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Slow down. Take a breath. Relax. Make it about every bite, not every plate. And enjoy those around you.</div>
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Eating is supposed celebration of flavor and life, dear readers. It is intended to be a source of nourishment and enjoyment, a respite from the chores that never seem to leave our side. In a world that is increasingly chaotic, one truth always remains....we all gotta eat. Eating can be transformative <i>in all the right ways</i> - it just needs to be approached with a sense of joy and purpose.<br />
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And to all the readers out there who, like me, hate food this time of year, be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Try to renew your relationship with food. And remember, those blessed enough to live a long life rarely look back and say, <i>"I wish I hadn't eaten so much pizza and cake. I wish I hadn't had that second glass of wine. I wish I'd spent less time laughing around the table and more time working out at the gym." </i>We all hope for a happy and healthy life. Let's make it so and start loving the way we eat.<br />
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Do you struggle with food this time of year? What are your favorite ways to stay aligned with nature and nourishment during these cold winter months? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so much for reading!</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-64387614627636265832017-01-02T12:52:00.000-08:002017-01-02T12:52:19.996-08:002017 Renewal Challenge: Around the HouseWelcome, dear readers, to Week 1 of the Flaws, Forgiven Renewal series. I wanted to kick 2017 off with some positive, practical, and easy ways to rejuvenate our daily lives....<i>cuz let's face it, after 2016, we're all feeling a little less-than-fresh</i>.<br />
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Each week in January we'll bring the renewal challenges up a notch, graduating from easy tasks around the house to more challenging suggestions aimed at evaluating and lightening the soul. My hope is that by the end of this series we'll have a happy lil' bag of tools and ideas to gently, joyfully guide us through these last winter months.<br />
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To start things off we're gonna go literal......how can we embrace renewal around the house?<br />
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Now I know what <strike>I'm</strike> you're thinking. <i>Jen, what is this, little miss Suzy Homemaker time? I don't need to be told to clean my crap up. I know how to clean and if I don't, it's cuz I don't wanna.</i> I get you. But hear me out. Our environment always, always affects us, whether we want it to or not, whether we admit it or not, whether we realize it or not. These next few ideas may sound simple, but can have profound effects on our emotional, spiritual, and yes, physical well-being. And it's not even all about cleaning, kay?<br />
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<b>Clean</b><br />Ok so this one, tiny suggestion really is all about cleaning. I promise this is the only one. I'm not going to suggest you implement a weekly routine, or print out a checklist, or get down and scrub grout. I am instead going to suggest you find one thing, one element of your house that hasn't been touched in a while, and try to make it look new again. It could be the grease trap over your stove. It could be the windows. It could be the baseboards. Find one category or thing in your house, preferably something you can see or notice every single day that drives you nuts, and clean the ever-lovin' crap out of it. Like the stained shower curtain you always stare at when you're going pee. Or the dirty spot of carpet you see every time you do yoga. Or the books in your bedroom that are obnoxiously leaning in the wrong direction. Find something that makes you squirm and roll your eyes and clean it.<br />
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My go-to, feel-good cleaning task (and this sounds insane) is scrubbing my walls. I never, ever wipe down my walls, ever....so in every room of this house there are smudges, crusty bits of something, hand prints, dust <i>(that's right, it can collect vertically, on a wall)</i>, hair, and weird splotches of liquid from gosh only knows where. Once a year I go around my house with a wet cloth in one hand and a dry cloth in the other and I wipe down my walls. I wipe down the corners. I wipe down the wall behind my kids' dinner chairs. I wipe down light switches and the areas over our heater vents. I wipe down the walls surrounding the sinks and around the door frames. And when I'm done, guess what? I get to walk into my bedroom and not be like, <i>"who the hell flung toothpaste onto the wall next to my bed!" </i>Renewal!<br />
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<b>Remove</b><br />
The amount of things in my home overwhelms me. Sometimes I get the biggest urge to pick everything up and throw it on the street....and I mean everything. All these stupid "coordinating desk items" that are staring at me right now as I type, for instance, are toeing the line. They say clutter and mess weighs on your person and can influence your mood the minute you wake up. They say it sucks up your energy even when out of sight, like in a closet or a basement. I say it's just annoying, moving things to clean, washing things because they sit there and get dirty, finding places for things to go when I'm tryin to impress people with a clean house. The less we have, the more we have.<br />
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A surefire way to get rid of stuff is to give everything an expiration date. If I don't touch a baking pan at least once a year, for example, I don't need it. Even if someday I <i>might</i> host a party that <i>might </i>make use of a special ribbon-shaped bake pan, oh well. I'll hafta bake with one of the pans I kept and used regularly, instead. Hair care and personal beauty products might have a shorter shelf life. If I don't use that bottle of straightening balm at least once a month, I don't need it. And no, nobody wants it. Throw it away and remember this feeling the next time you're faced with a shelf full of expensive hair products that you think you've gotta have, Jen. Same with clothes, same with toys, same with keepsakes and cards and photos. It's not easy, throwing away or donating things I've spent money on or become attached to, but the feeling I have when I open that closet or cabinet and see my very favorite things sitting there, smiling at me from a clean and uncluttered spot on the shelf, makes me ridiculously happy. Renewal!<br />
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<b>Light</b><br />
Let the light in....literally. Every morning I get up and walk around my house opening the curtains, even if it's not entirely light out yet. Now I am no morning person, so I look more like the stepmother than Cinderella when I throw open those shades, but when that morning light filters in it absolutely changes my mood. We as humans need light to see by but light is also used to judge the time of day, to orient us to our surroundings, to help us gauge the heat or coolness of the day. Light is vital to the management and stability of our internal clocks; allowing yourself to fall into rhythm with the light of each season helps your body undergo the natural cycles intended for all living creatures. Winter is a time of rest. Let yourself be cocooned in darkness a few hours early. If you're like me and you can't reasonably go to bed at 4:30PM, invest in some pretty lamps with gentle glows, or better yet, have a few nights where candlelight is your guide. Light is a fantastic source of energy and heat, so if you're feeling depressed or cold, get creative, lean on our shared sky, and let the light shine through. Renewal!<br />
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<b>Repurpose</b><br />
This is maybe my favorite suggestion of the week. One of the best things in the whole wide world is taking something that would've gone in the trash and turning it into something awesome I can use and enjoy for as many years as I want. There's a little bit of backstory to this one....you see, I have two small kids, a young dog, a cat, and chickens. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in or outside of my home is safe from destruction. I've made the foolish mistake of purchasing nice, white, clean, pretty, fragile, Mama-only things before, and they almost always get broken, smashed, massacred, stained, scratched, or chewed. And it makes me angry when my things get broken. And then I get angry that I am angry about things getting broken.<br />
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It's way, way easier to furnish my home with things I don't care so much about. Things that I found on the side of the road. Things somebody gave me. Things destined for the trash. Free things. Lost things. Repurposed things. These things, when broken, do not represent a loss of money (something I constantly stress about) and are easy to replace (I'll just make another one). It's really, really freeing to have things I enjoy but do not need to protect or covet. My most recent project included an old kitchen window and some sample paints from the hardware store. I am not the best artist, and to some this thing is not worthy of primo-wall-space right over my dining table, but I love the bright colors and the reminder that spring is coming. I painted a symbol of rebirth in rejuvenating colors on a repurposed window...and I absolutely love it. And guess what...if it breaks, I can just toss it out, no tears necessary. Renewal!<br />
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<b>Replace</b><br />
Sometimes no amount of lipstick will make you wanna kiss a pig. <i>I mean if we're really talking about kissing pigs here, I would kiss any of them with or without lipstick, no questions asked, but I digress....</i>Sometimes you really do need new sheets. Sometimes your towels are gross and falling apart. Sometimes you see a beautiful throw pillow and you imagine yourself sinking into it and you smile and decide you're gonna buy it. It's ok to replace things in your home. The only warning I have is to be sure the items you're purchasing really are replacing something else - not simply adding to a collection. Be sure to live within your means and really think about the item you're replacing. Bonus points if you take the old item and find a creative way to repurpose it.<br />
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I always, always splurge on bedding. My bed is my sacred space and blankets, to me, are like wrappable clouds from heaven. I own three sets of sheets<i>, all of them GOTS-certified and organic, because I am a prissy bed queen and I gotta accept that</i>. I take time a few times a month to air out my bed, wash my sheets, and cycle on through to the next set. I'm bonkers about soft blankets. This is my area of excess. But I feel like I redeem myself when the sheets start to go...because I turn them into pillowcases or curtains for the chickens <i>(chickens need window treatments too)</i>. And then I buy new bedding. And I feel guilty about it for exactly 5-6 hours until I sink into that freshly-made bed and let out the most genuine and joyful sigh I've ever felt in my whole life. Replacing old, worn, broken things is ok. Consider it an improvement to your environment and enjoy every bit of the selection process. Renewal!<br />
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Renewing your home and the area around you can be as simple or as detailed as you like. If you find you enjoy the deep-cleaning process, or the decluttering process, or repurposing things around your house, do it again. If you hate it, try another idea. Pay special attention to the areas around your home where you spend the most time. A few small changes to your physical surroundings will positively impact you spiritually and emotionally...and what better way to start the new year?</div>
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I'd love to hear some of the ways you're renewing things around your home in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading :) Happy New Year!</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-83608964488285916712016-12-19T14:13:00.000-08:002016-12-19T14:13:21.447-08:00Creating Grateful Kids at ChristmastimeBuy them a Hatchimal, the end.<br />
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<b>I am absolutely, 100% kidding. </b><i>Hatchimals are not the answer, people.</i><b> </b><br />
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I remember being a kid and coming down the stairs and seeing the Christmas lights reflecting off the wrapping paper. There's nothing quite like the feeling of seeing that tree transform into a crowning, glorious king standing over boxes containing all things possible. <i>What's in those packages? What might I get? It could be anything in there.</i> I loved that feeling. I want my kids to feel that feeling.<br />
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So I buy them Christmas presents. I often spend more than I should. I am similar to many other imperfect parents out there - I want nothing more than a joyful, exceptional, educational childhood for my two daughters. I spend money I should really be putting toward my credit card bill, or waterproof boots, or truck repairs, or my student loans, because in my Christmas head, my kids' happiness is more important. <i>And presents = happiness, right?</i><br />
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It takes me hours to pick out their gifts. I open maybe 4-5 Amazon windows at once and compare what's on sale to what's on their wish lists and price check with other vendors and calculate shipping costs and timetable delivery windows and compare how much I've spent on each kid and then, finally, I'm ready to order.<br />
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The boxes arrive and I stash them away, checking beforehand to ensure everything was delivered, again calculating who will get what and did I get enough for it to look equal for each girl and which present should be from Santa and which from me?<br />
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Then comes wrapping time. I spend hours upon hours wrapping things perfectly, signing Santa's name just so, picking out the perfect bows and making each package look as pretty as I can <i>with these goshdang dull ass scissors, why haven't I replaced them yet, is this glue on my scissors? Am I seriously out of scotch tape again?</i><br />
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Hiding wrapped gifts is always a challenge. Shove them under the bed this year? What about that one cat who loves to eat shiny things? Is there room in the closet? What about when your youngest wants to grab your yoga mat "for you" out of there? Do I have enough clothes to hide them? How about the basement? The mice aren't active yet, right?<br />
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Finally, the day arrives. Christmas Eve. The kids get into bed and fall asleep late because they are so excited and you are also excited because it's time to play Santa. Time to arrange the presents just so, carefully stacking them so each and every label faces out, each package manipulated so it fits perfectly and every last present can be seen. I prop them up and rearrange and shift low-hanging ornaments around and tuck and balance and finally, finally, it is done. I pour myself a drink and sit there on the couch, smiling and glowing at my accomplishment in the colorful, dim light given off by the tree. They are going to be so happy, I say. And then I go to sleep.<br />
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Christmas morning breaks and the sound of hurried little feet wakes the whole house and soon it is present time. Ripping, paper, plastic, ribbons in pieces.<br />
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And, inevitably, smiles. But then, like a pin to a balloon, you catch a glimpse of downturned eyes. Maybe even tears. <i>I asked Santa for _____ and it's not here</i> or <i>I was really hoping for _____, but I guess this is ok too.</i> Or, and this is the most gut-wrenching reaction in my humble opinion, no smiles at all, just a <i>whooshing</i> sound as the gift you worked so hard to pick out is tossed into a pile of forever forgotten and unappreciated.<br />
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Sometimes, dear readers, kids are straight asshats.<br />
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I've tried very hard to teach my children to find joy in the little things. To be grateful for the big things. To keep the perspective....but truth be told, it's hard for me to accomplish those things. I get just as excited when I buy things I really want. I get just as disappointed when someone spends money on something I didn't really need. I'm just better at hiding it.<br />
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But there is something to be said about learning gratuity at an early age. Maybe if I'd learned to practice being happy in the moment a few years earlier, I wouldn't be so gosh-awful at it right now. Maybe if I'd learned to ween off my attachment to things when I was younger, I wouldn't be so stuck in a traditional American lifestyle today. Maybe there are things I can do to help create a sense of gratefulness and joy in my kids regardless of what's under the tree. Practice makes perfect, amirite?<br />
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<b>Teach manners</b><br />
The very first thing a kid should say after getting a present is thank you. I don't care if they love it or not, I don't care if they just started talking last year, that kid should know and understand "thank you" as an automatic response to getting anything. It's basic manners and believe me, kids are capable of executing this one.<br />
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I didn't insist on this enough with my oldest and she still, at ten years old, needs to be reminded to say thank you. My four year old, however, was taught at a very young age that if Mama gets something for her, she needs to say thank you before that object is handed over to her. Kid training, manipulation, white lies, call it what you will.....kids need to say thank you. Letting this one slide opens up a world of ungrateful behavior possibilities in the future.<br />
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<b>Teach privilege</b><br />
Show them what underprivileged looks like. When you visit the city to go Christmas shopping explain on the ride over about people on the streets who have no homes, no food, no money, and no closets full of toys. Show them videos and pictures of kids from other areas of the world. Show them how one dirty teddy bear is a most treasured possession in some families.<br />
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There's a vast number of people who believe this type of awareness is "too mature" for kids. <i>Let them keep their innocence</i>, this group tells me...and to that I argue, if a child's "innocence" leads to selfishness and a warped sense of entitlement, egocentrism, and ignorance, then perhaps a little loss of "innocence" is a necessary and needed component of parenting. We can, being parents after all, select which images to show them, how to explain it to them, and how best to teach them about the realities of life. What a precious and important opportunity to move our young and beautiful minds in a more productive, empathetic, and gracious direction.<br />
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<b>Teach hardship</b><br />
Make them go without. Kid complaining about not having the same motorized scooter as that kid next door? Take their bike away. Kid not capable of following your very specific and repeated instructions about brushing their teeth? Make them mix up the next batch of homemade toothpaste instead of having free time. Kid not wanting to eat what you make for dinner? Send their butt to bed 'till you're done enjoying your meal. Kid not wanting to help fold laundry? Stop washing their clothes for a week and tell them to solve their own problems when they're getting ready for school and they have no underwear.<br />
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This can be done for younger kids too. I am not as extreme with my youngest yet, she is still at that beautiful age where she pretty much appreciates her food and listens to my instructions. But that doesn't mean I get to slack on teaching her how things come to be. I talk to her about where the water comes from. I show her how hard it is to grow something from a seed. She understands the sacrifice involved in standing outside in the cold and scraping the truck down so we can drive into town. You can teach hardship without it being a punishment. The point is to highlight the secret, hidden efforts that hum in the background of everything we're blessed to have in this country.<br />
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<b>Teach wonder</b><br />
Joy lives in the small things! The best part about this particular point? It already comes natural to your kids. Children live in the minute, moment-to-moment, and truly find magic in the smallest places. Encourage and support this by allowing them to explore, get dirty, and be independent. Show them wonder in your own way - do a quick science experiment. Do a cooking lesson. Do some crafts. Do some magic shows. Do some puppet shows. Do some writing. Do some art. Do some hiking.<br />
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Do you get the picture? <i>heh heh heh seewhatididthere! </i>Kids who find wonder in the small things are the same kids who get a Christmas present, pop the bow off, hold it to their little hearts, and exclaim "thank you!" with tears in their eyes, thinking the bow is the present. That kind of mentality is hard to keep as expectations crowd around them....but with some encouragement and modeling at home, magic can be found everywhere. <br />
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<b>Teach generosity</b><br />
<i>It's better to give than to receive, eh? Tell that to my empty bank account. </i>That is what my evil Kermit tells me each time I see a red bucket, a Toys for Tots box, or another GoFundMe link. Thankfully I've learned to tune out my evil Kermit years ago.<br />
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Once you start giving you realize it really isn't the money and stuff that makes you happy - it's getting rid of it that frees your soul. Spending on others is ridiculously rewarding, especially when done regularly. I often let fear get in the way of giving. I'm afraid - I need to feed my own kids, or get my own kids presents, or have enough to pay our own bills.....but over the years as I've spontaneously given to people who I believe truly need it, I've learned the money, in all of its irrelevant glory, always finds a way back to me. I gave more this year, the year of my divorce and single-mama-starting point, than I ever did when married....and guess what, I've not been shoved out of my house or stranded in the gutter or forced to eat moldy bread.<br />
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Teach the lesson of trust and responsible giving to kiddos. Teach them to give whenever they can. Give money. Give time. Give love. A generous heart is a grateful and thankful heart. Give often. <br />
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<b>Teach value</b><br />
Money has no value other than that which we place on it ourselves. And guess what...the same can be said about every other thing in our lives. We get to choose what has value and what does not. It's our decision as smart, brainy lil humans. And it's a skill we can teach to our kids.<br />
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Materialism is constantly calling to me. Buy the nicest car, have the cutest curtains, make sure the kids are dressed in the best clothes. These desires often capitalize on deep-seeded insecurities about acceptance....I want to be liked....I want to be viewed a certain way. It's a losing battle that even kids feel, especially on the playground when the ever-present love and acceptance of mama and home is dulled by distance. Teach kids to value themselves over their possessions. Teach kids how to value the food instead of the plates the food sits on. Teach them to place value on relationships, human interactions, words, music, art, animals, and nature. Teach them the riches in the soil and the riches around the dinner table. Those are the things that hold value - and the sooner they learn that, the sooner their Christmas lists will detail things that fill their hearts and minds and souls instead of toy closets.<br />
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Now I know what you might be thinking. And I agree. These lessons are a mite unrealistic, aren't they? I mean, I love presents. How can I expect my kids not to? And the answer is that this isn't about not wanting presents - it's about <i>truly</i> appreciating the ones you get.<br />
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And, my dear readers, these lessons don't mean a thing when they're not exemplified at home. It is critical to not only point out and teach manners, privilege, hardship, wonder, generosity, and value, but to lead by example. Half the reason my kid loves the snow is because I giggle like a schoolgirl when it falls from the sky. I'll wake them up just to show them a full moon and hold them in my arms and sing them soft songs before returning them to bed. I'll jump up and down when I find our first pumpkin of the season. I try and sing loudly even when I'm sad. Kids are watching you - and that is perhaps the most important part of teaching, being aware of what you actions and your responses say to your students.<br />
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Kids are kids. They will make mistakes and behave like jerks and test patience and they won't learn any of these lessons overnight. The point, however, is to give them the chance. A book is useless until it's picked up. A message is irrelevant until it's heard. And presents don't mean a thing until they are received by a grateful heart.<br />
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What do you do to teach your kiddos generosity? If you're not a parent, what types of challenges do you endure when dealing with the kids around you at Christmastime? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading! Merry Christmas :)</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-27680843019828059112016-12-12T12:56:00.000-08:002016-12-12T12:56:19.698-08:00Gift Guide for the Not-So-WealthyTwelve and a half more days until Christmas, dear readers! Time is flying so fast.....holiday parties are in full swing, lights are twinkling everywhere we look, and my money is basically just kissing my bank account and waving goodbye at this point. <div>
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Now I'm not a frivolous spender; every dime counts these days. I'm also not really into material things because they make clutter and clutter makes me crazy <i>(unless we're talking books....or chickens. Can never too many chickens)</i>. But with the big day less than two weeks away, I can't help but focus on money way more than someone should when trying to celebrate what is supposed to be a season of peace, love, and birth. </div>
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It seems inevitable that every year we're bombarded with a never-ending slew of grab bag gifts, book exchanges, teacher gifts <i>(both of my children have 3 teachers!)</i>, appetizers, drinks, presents for the kids, presents for family members, tipping the garbage service and the mailpeople and anyone else who delivers stuff to you....all the added costs of the holiday season can make me feel a little less-than-joyous.</div>
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But never fear. Jen's gift guide for the not-so-wealthy is here. </div>
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<b>Find Freebies</b></div>
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<li>Raid a special someone's basement/garage/closet. The best way to make this happen is by offering to assist with holiday decorations. I recently received 3 matching ornaments for free from one very special woman in my life while my kids trimmed her tree - and those ornaments are going straight to 3 of the 6 teachers I need to thank this holiday. </li>
<li>Keep an eye on Craigslist and those Facebook garage sale sites. This is especially important after the holidays, when people are sick of it all and starting a new year and looking to just get rid of stuff.</li>
<li>Cruise around on garbage day. A lot of parents try and "clean up" right before Santa comes. You can find bikes, cabinets, bookshelves, chairs, playground equipment, and all sorts of other stuff by hitting the streets before the garbage trucks do.</li>
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<b>Offer Your Services</b></div>
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<ul>
<li>Shoveling is horrific. Nobody likes it. It makes the perfect gift because literally everyone, man, woman, or child, tears up when they step outside to an unexpectedly clean driveway.</li>
<li>Watch things. Watch homes while friends and family are on vacation. Bring in the mail, roll out the trash bins, water the plants. Take it up a notch by offering to watch pets. Take it up four hundred notches by offering to watch kids. <i>Best. Gift. Ever.</i> </li>
<li>Cleaning and prepping for a party is the hardest part of every event....unless of course you consider the clean up after the event. Offer to arrive ahead of the crowd and help the host or hostess in lieu of bringing a gift. Stay late and help clean things up. I promise it is so incredibly appreciated. </li>
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<b>Handmade is Your Friend</b></div>
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<ul>
<li>Churches, libraries, and park district are constantly offering classes and advent activities throughout the holiday season. You can typically make a handful of beautiful, handmade presents for friends and family at a quarter of the cost of buying new. </li>
<li>Bake, cook, can. People love to eat. Cookies are fantastic. Everyone loves cookies, even people who try not to love cookies. Sweet breads that can be frozen make great gifts, too. So do easily-reheated meals like casseroles and pasta dishes. Canned goods, I'm finding, are a huge hit. And I don't mean like Campbells' soup canned goods, I mean like the 'maters I canned this summer, the salsa verde I made, the bone broth I cooked up - people love it. </li>
<li>If you have any talent in anything....knitting, welding, carving, photography, writing, hammering, designing, sewing, coloring.....use it. Make something pretty for someone. I know it takes a ton of time. I know it's easier to buy. But we're trying to be frugal, readers. Your handmade item made from supplies you readily keep on hand to support your hobby is worth so much more to the recipient than something purchased in the store. Use your supplies and your talents and get cracking! A variation of this idea would be to sell your talents - like a "I'll carve your kid a sign that you can give her for Christmas" type thing. </li>
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<b>Regifting is the New Gifting</b></div>
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<ul>
<li>Save gift cards and certificates instead of using them. We've all received a gift card to a store we don't typically frequent. Instead of trekking out there and buying way more stuff than you ever would've normally, save the card. Give it to someone later, someone who maybe likes the store a little more or would make better use of the card. Check expiration dates, they can be tricky. </li>
<li>All those grab bag gifts you participated in last year? And the year before that? Save the stuff you aren't in love with. I have a huge tote in the basement with items I've collected over the years from work parties, friend parties, and family parties. Regift the gift to a completely different group of people and wal-lah, no money spent and nobody's the wiser. </li>
<li>Enhancing stuff is a real thing. Take those Christmas towels you never used and turn them into a blanket. Redesign that wine glass set that's just chillin in your basement into personalized glasses. Scour your shelves for books you've read once or twice and send them out into the world to be enjoyed by someone else. </li>
</ul>
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<b>Just Say No</b></div>
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<ul>
<li>You're not required to participate in work-related Christmas festivities. You can say no to the work grab bag, the potluck, and getting presents for bosses and coworkers. A handwritten note to those who really made your year is likely better appreciated anyways.</li>
<li>You're not required to send Christmas cards. Those suckers are expensive, especially for something that sits around for a couple days then gets tossed in the recycling. You can buy a box of non-photo Christmas cards for like $5 in the off-season and send them out with a 4x6 picture if you really just <i>have</i> to send cards. You'd get the same effect for half the cost. </li>
<li>You do not need to serve a full dinner for your family. If you host the holidays, consider taking it down a notch and doing appetizers and finger foods only. Family members who want more can always volunteer to prepare, bring, and clean up the dinner themselves ;) </li>
</ul>
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My favorite Christmas gifts are those given out of love and true thought for the recipient. I absolutely love giving gifts because I love making those I care about happy. Watching someone smile because of something I've given them, or done for them, is one of the best feelings in the world. Presents don't need to be expensive, they don't need to be things, and they don't need to drain your wallet. You don't need expensive, flashy objects to prove how much you love someone, and likewise, you don't need a ton of money to be rich. I think Clarence said it best when he wrote:</div>
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Do you have a favorite, frugal go-to gift, readers? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so much for reading :)</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-22786283683051439792016-12-05T13:22:00.001-08:002016-12-06T06:04:06.211-08:00When It's Not the Most Wonderful Time of the YearI'm a Christmas girl. I love winter, I love snow, I love blankets and cocoa and Christmas movies and pretty lights. Christmastime is one of my favorite times of the year. Everything sparkles and shimmers with celebration and the anticipation of a new year, a fresh start.<br />
<br />
But even this Christmas-lovin' lady is hearing faint little whispers of pain this year. They're not loud, and they're not overtaking my immense dedication to making this the Best Christmas Ever, but they're trying to consume my moments of stillness. These doubts are gnawing at me, gently, while I go about my holiday preparations. It's my first year as an "official" single mama, my first year having to split holidays, my first year needing to <i>actually</i> deal with my ex-husband's girlfriends, <i>all out in the open like this</i>, whew! What a new concept for me. I am struggling to stay positive.<br />
<br />
I am extremely blessed, dear readers. I wake every day in a beautiful bed, to the kisses of two beautiful and healthy girls, with animals I love needing to be cared for, and a yoga mat begging me to come, practice, let it fall away for a minute. I talk to incredible people throughout my day, one particularly amazing bearded man with an affinity for providing light into the dark corners of my heart I'd long ago thought hopelessly abandoned, and I am loved on by the best family and friends this world has ever seen.<br />
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But sometimes, during those tiny, fleeting, infrequent spaces of quiet, the ones where I am supposed to be sleeping or writing or reading or thinking happy thoughts, I instead find my mind pushing against a soft, gray sense of grief, doubt, and disappointment. <i>How did I get here? Alone, after all that work, what an idiot you were to carry on like that for so long. And what a tiny woman you are, feeling lonely. You're supposed to be strong and independent. Don't you know it's weak to want someone beside you? Can't figure out how to do this on your own, hm? Better buck up before someone sees. </i><br />
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Pretty ugly, yes? Most moments of pure, unfiltered, raw truth are.<br />
<br />
Your pain might not be about the empty seat beside you. Your pain might be about the person sitting beside you. Or the people you'll need to deal with this holiday. Your pain might be about the things in your life that are not in your control and seem so unequivocally unfair, especially among tinsel and garland. It's a season of extreme juxtaposition - unavoidable darkness sitting next to a string of colorful lights. Sometimes it's not the most wonderful time of the year.<br />
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The good news? We have the power to change that.<br />
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<i>How, Jen? How? </i><br />
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<b>Find delicious ways to move.</b><br />
I love to eat and I also love to look sexy. Sometimes I manage to look sexy while eating, but more often than not when the holidays come around, my jeans are covered in flour and my face in crumbs. I look in the mirror and see changes to my body that may or may not exist and I panic. I shame myself, feel guilty, and vow not to eat like crap the next day. Then the next day comes and <i>holymotherofgosh are those christmas-colored donuts</i>??<br />
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I can tell you as a Grade A Lounger that moving, in any sense of the word, helps. You don't need to leave your house. You don't even need to get out of bed if you don't want to. Just move. Stretch. Rub your own feet. Play with your pets and kids. Organize something and move boxes around. Do yoga. Have lots of sex, with someone or with yourself, it doesn't matter. Just move, deliciously.<br />
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<b>Get spiritual.</b><br />
This one might not go over well but Imma say it anyways cuz this is <i>my</i> blog. I'm a Christian <i>- don't run away! </i>Hear me out. I am a Christian with agnostic and atheist friends. I am a Christian who loves, identifies with, and fights for gays. I am a Christian who accepts other faiths and prays for everyone I can because that's what God wants me to do. Christmas in my faith is all about dear sweet lil baby Jesus and I love it. I recognize many people do not follow this belief system and I accept and love 'em regardless. And that huge long disclaimer is all leading up to this: If you're reading this and you're hurting this holiday season....crash a church service.<br />
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I'm not kidding. You don't need to talk to anyone. You don't need to look at anyone. You don't need to do anything but step inside and sit down. If you're lonely, if you're sad, if you feel like you are going to die if you sit in your house one more second, just pull up to that church you've driven past 100 times and go inside. My church has a special service called "Blue Christmas," and it's designed to comfort and soothe and redirect your perspective to the positive elements of the holiday season. Sometimes the best things in life happen when you try something incredibly uncomfortable and new...the impossible happens when you let your guard down.<br />
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<b>Find delicious people to consume your time.</b><br />
There's a line in one of my favorite movies, Fried Green Tomatoes, where Idgie Threadgoode says, <i>"I guess you already know that there are angels masquerading as people walking around this planet..." </i><br />
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People make the world turn. Life is breathtakingly beautiful, but there is something incredibly necessary to the human experience in sharing that beauty with those around you. The angels in your life can be strangers, they can be family members, they can be friends, they can be the parents of friends. Distant relations, distant loves, distant acquaintances...or the lady who works at your favorite gas station down the street.<br />
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I've talked about this in <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/08/how-to-deal-with-painful-people.html" target="_blank">previous posts - when you need to deal with painful people</a>, surround yourself with those who bring light. Let them shine on you and love on you and make the effort to stand beside them and be with them when you can. Instead of spending all your time rushing from one plan to another, pause and enjoy the random people that stumble into your life. Let yourself be a little late. Let yourself be a little vulnerable, even while hurting. The risk is almost always worth the reward.<br />
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<b>Create.</b><br />
Bake, sculpt, pound, fold, hammer, type, thread, stir, weld, twist, and carve. Weave and sway and sing and strum and pour. What sets us apart as humans is our insane ability to creatively <i>create</i>. Animals can create structures and rhythms and webs, but always for a purpose, always for a biological need. We as humans can create magic, pure magic, simply because we want to. What an incredible gift.<br />
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There's no time for chaos and tears when you're busy wrapping up 3 dozen Christmas cookies. There's little room for doubt when you finally find that perfect note to complete your song, that perfect sentence to open your book's 4th chapter, that perfect blue for your cascading waterfall. If you don't currently create, you're lucky. You are a blank canvas with the potential to make anything you want. Check out a book from the library on anything, literally anything, and try your hand at it. If you hate it, give it up and try something else. The goal is to immerse yourself in the task of creating something made purely of you.<br />
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<b>Find delicious ways to compliment yourself.</b><br />
You're not gonna be happy all the time. You might feel extreme disappointment or anger at your current circumstances. If you're anything like me, you're likely more upset at your feelings of disappointment and anger than the actual cause of the disappointment and anger....almost like <i>why can't you get over this and snap out of it and deal with your current situation with grace and strength and force yourself to live in the moment and just be freaking happy right now. </i><br />
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Don't do that. Don't talk to yourself like that. It hurts. Don't think about how far you have to go, or how little has changed, or how little you can control. Those are not productive thoughts. They won't lead you anywhere good and they won't change anything about your pain. Instead think of what you <i>have</i> done. You've made it another month. You've smiled twice today. Your bed is made perfectly. There are men and women who would beg for your pretty little heart. You will make it through this day. You make a mean cup of tea. Your eyes are astoundingly beautiful. Your soul shimmers. Tell yourself. Go on. Do it.<br />
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<b>Make it about the kids.</b><br />
Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just feel crummy. You could do all those other things I talked about above and still feel crummy. This is where kids come in handy. You don't need to have any. They don't even need to be human, fur babies work too. When you're not feeling the joy of Christmas, the excitement of the end of a year, the peace of a restful season, look to the innocent. They will be dancing.<br />
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My girls have contagious smiles. My puppy has contagious energy. My chickens have contagious simplicity. Head out and find kids and animals to play with or watch. Don't let your thoughts get pessimistic, just watch them. Watch them run and leap and bound and make noises and live life in the moment. Kids are perfect at doing that. <i>Watch them and learn.</i><br />
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We can't make those we miss materialize in front of us. We can't wave a wand over those we love and make them healthy. We can't pretend like the people who break our heart and disrespect us and cut us off in the parking lot don't exist. We can, however, own our perspectives. We can bookmark kind words and reminders. We can approach our moments of darkness with purpose and the courage to accept that life ain't easy, not even at Christmastime. And that's ok. Those moments of imperfection are wonderful...perhaps the most wonderful times of our lives.<br />
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How do you beat the holiday blues, dear readers? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below. As always, thank you for reading :)</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "garamond" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Jen</span></span></div>
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<br />Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-32109058611054308102016-11-28T12:21:00.000-08:002016-11-28T12:21:34.189-08:00Cooking with Kids: Blueberry Banana Buttermilk BreadWe've made it to our last post in the Cooking with Kids November blog series and I am thrilled to announce I've saved the best for last. This bread.....oh, readers. This bread is absolutely my number one most-loved breakfast food of all time. The girls go crazy for the sweet, subtle banana dough, soft texture, juicy blueberries, and crispy, golden crust. The very best part? As with almost everything I cook, this recipe is EASY and prep time is a breeze.<br />
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<b>Ingredients</b><br />
1/2 cup butter<br />
1 cup sugar<br />
2 large eggs<br />
1 cup mashed banana<br />
4 Tablespoons buttermilk <i>(don't have buttermilk? Mix 1 Tablespoon of white vinegar and 3 Tablespoons of whole milk. Wah-lah! Homemade buttermilk)</i><br />
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract<br />
1 3/4 cups flour<br />
1 teaspoon baking powder<br />
1/4 teaspoon salt<br />
1/8 teaspoon baking soda<br />
Handful of blueberries (I use frozen berries - I rinse and pat dry to warm them up)<br />
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<b>Kitchen Tools Needed</b><br />
Two regular-sized bread loaf pans<br />
Large mixing bowl<br />
Mixing spoon<br />
Spatula<br />
Wire cooling rack<br />
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<b>Instructions</b><br />
1. Grease two loaf pans. I use buttah. Oh and preheat your oven to 350 degrees.<br />
2. Mix your butter and sugar together in a large mixing bowl.<br />
3. Add eggs, bananas, buttermilk, and vanilla to the bowl.<br />
4. Add flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Mix until well-combined.<br />
5. Gently stir in blueberries<br />
6. Bake for 50-55 minutes<br />
7. Let cool on a wire rack and then <i>nomnomnom</i><br />
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<b>Some Cooking with Kids Moments</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>Give them that ingredient and supply list! Let them gather what you need.</li>
<li>Let them mash the bananas between their fingers.</li>
<li>Show them how to grease pans and explain why we need to.</li>
<li>Teach them how to make buttermilk using vinegar and whole milk. Get all chemistry on them if you wanna.</li>
<li>Let them rinse the berries and gently fold them into the batter. Watch their eyes when the batter starts to change colors.</li>
<li>Don't forget to assign a timekeeper!</li>
<li>Teach them the toothpick trick to check whether or not the bread is done.</li>
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This bread can be frozen and thawed later without losing any of its delicious texture. It can be stored in the fridge for up to a week - if you can keep your hands off it that long. This stuff is typically gone within a few days at my house!<br />
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Looking for a simple and fun way to kick off the holidays? Double this recipe (or triple!) and make some loaves for friends and family. They will love it and will likely fall completely in love with you <b><i>so gift wisely.</i></b><br />
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And with that, it's time to sign off on our Cooking with Kids series, dear readers. I hope these last few posts have showcased how kiddos can be pretty dang good helpers in the kitchen. Take a couple days every month to cook with your babies....it sets them up with the skills they need later in life, whether while in a college dorm on a small budget or surrounded by their own families around the dinner table someday. Don't let the chaos of the first few cooking attempts steer you off course, either. It's all about practice and figuring out what works best for your family.<br />
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<b>Bottom line? Make good food with those you love. </b></div>
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<i style="text-align: center;">And just in case you missed the other posts in our Cooking with Kids series:</i><br />
<i style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/11/cooking-with-kids-homemade-cinnamon.html" target="_blank">Homemade Cinnamon Rolls</a></i><br />
<i><a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/11/cooking-with-kids-simple-homemade.html" target="_blank">Simple, Homemade Potato Soup</a></i><br />
<i><a href="http://mchenrycountyliving.com/green-bean-casserole/" target="_blank">No-Soup Green Bean Casserole</a></i><br />
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<i>And if you're lookin for more kid-friendly recipes, check these out: </i><br />
<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/09/best-easiest-zucchini-bread-ever.html" target="_blank"><i>Easiest, Best Zucchini Bread Ever</i></a><br />
<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/06/biscuit-pot-pie-from-scratch-kid.html" target="_blank"><i>Biscuit Pot Pie</i></a><br />
<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/08/best-ever-homemade-blueberry-muffins.html" target="_blank"><i>Best Ever Blueberry Muffins</i></a><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "garamond" , serif; font-size: large;">Jen</span></div>
Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-21781426370505154792016-11-14T13:00:00.001-08:002016-11-14T13:05:04.377-08:00Cooking with Kids: Simple, Homemade Potato SoupIt is a new week. That's right. A brand new start. And after the pain of last week, with violence and fear felt on a national level by both sides of the election, I decided this week needed to start with something simple, easy, pure, reliable, and comforting. And that, for me, is potato soup.<br />
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Root veggies are in season right now and the chill in the air is enticing me to bundle up, snuggle in, and relax with something warm. I love the frugality of this recipe (even organic potatoes are inexpensive) and you can freeze and reheat these leftovers without losing any of the texture and tastiness.<br />
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Now don't get me wrong, I understand the appeal of opening a can and heating the contents up real quick over the stove. But this recipe, which is the Jen Version of <a href="http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/potato-soup-recipe/" target="_blank">Gimmie Some Oven's recipe</a>, is seriously so easy that pulling out your pan very nearly gets you halfway there. And if you have the kids helping? Whew! Dinner in no time at all :)<br />
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<b><u>Simple, Homemade Potato Soup</u></b><br />
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<b>Ingredients</b><br />
3 Tablespoons of butter<br />
Some diced onion<br />
1/4 cup flour<br />
2 cups <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-hippie-wanna-be-chronicles-bone.html" target="_blank">bone broth</a><br />
2 cups whole milk<br />
6-7 medium/large potatoes, mostly-peeled and kinda-diced<br />
1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded<br />
4 Tablespoons cream cheese<br />
Some salt and pepper to taste<br />
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<b>Kitchen Tools Needed</b><br />
Large pot<br />
Cuttin board<br />
Potato peeler<br />
Knife<br />
Measuring cups for both dry and wet ingredients<br />
Wooden spoon<br />
Immersion blender or potato masher (optional)<br />
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<b>Instructions</b><br />
1. Add your butter to a large pot and melt over medium-ish heat.<br />
2. Add onion and saute for a few minutes until the onion gets all golden.<br />
3. Sprinkle in your flour and stir until combined. Saute for another minute or so, stirring the whole time.<br />
4. Stir in bone broth.<br />
5. Stir in milk and diced potatoes. Adjust the heat until your mixture is at a nice steady simmer, not boil.<br />
6. Cover and cook for about 15 minutes.<br />
7. Once your potatoes are soft, stir in your cheddar and cream cheese. You can use an immersion blender to mix everything up and make it smooth, or a potato masher, or you can leave the potatoes chunky and stir until the cheese is melted.<br />
8. Add salt and pepper, tasting as you go and adjusting the seasoning to your preferences.<br />
9. Serve to smiling littles who will love it and ask for seconds :)<br />
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<b>Some Cooking with Kids Moments...</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>Let your kids gather the ingredients and kitchen tools for you.</li>
<li>Teach your kiddos about potato peeler and knife safety and then (this is the hard part) give them a chance to use both instruments! You will be there supervising, maybe even holding their hands while they try for the first time - what better way to learn how to use a peeler. Don't forget to warn them about slippery potatoes! </li>
<li>Explain why potatoes have eyes. </li>
<li>Have your kids gather all the potato skins and scraps and chuck them into the compost.</li>
<li>This recipe takes you through the process of making a "roux," or a flour-and-fat mixture that thickens sauces and soups. Teach your kiddos the word and talk them through the process of making a roux - you can go as light or as heavy on the science behind it as you'd like, either way your kid's gonna learn one of the most basic and useful cooking tricks in the book!</li>
<li>Assign a timekeeper! Don't want those taters to burn! </li>
<li>Engage your kiddos in the seasoning process. Let them taste the soup before seasoning and after seasoning. If you want to be really bold, let them decide whether the soup needs more salt or pepper. Prepping those little palates! :)</li>
<li>Clean up crew! This recipe doesn't use a ton of kitchen tools so clean up is pretty easy and quick. Let little hands scrub that pot for you! </li>
</ul>
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I am hoping you each get a chance to recuperate this week, dear readers, and turn your hearts and minds to things you can control, whether they be peaceful protests, poignant conversations with those you love, or something much more simple, like a warm bowl of soup.<br />
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What is your favorite comfort food? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so so much for reading.</div>
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<i>And just in case you missed the first week in our Cooking with Kids series (homemade cinnamon rolls!), you can catch up <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/11/cooking-with-kids-homemade-cinnamon.html" target="_blank">by clicking here</a>. </i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "garamond" , serif; font-size: large;">Jen</span></div>
Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-81046003483554175932016-11-07T14:11:00.000-08:002016-11-07T14:11:30.331-08:00Cooking with Kids: Homemade Cinnamon RollsWelcome, dear readers, to the Flaws, Forgiven <i>Cooking with Kids</i> series! I am so excited to share some of my favorite recipes with you, recipes I've tested in my own kitchen with my own kiddos.<br />
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Over the course of the next few pre-holiday weeks, I will detail ways I get my kids involved in cooking, from helping with grocery lists to gathering up garden produce, mixing up batter to cleaning up spills. We'll go over kid-centered expectations while in the kitchen and explore creative "jobs" you can assign in your own kitchen. I promise you will A) not want to run out of your house screaming and B) with enough patience and practice those little hands will actually help you get food on the table *gasp* faster!<br />
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So let's start with my new favorite fall recipe....this is the Jen Version of <a href="http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/cinammon_rolls_/" target="_blank">Ree's Cinnamon Rolls</a>.<br />
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Now let's just get real here, the first time I made them I didn't let the kids help at all. I always do a trial-run of any new recipe alone first. You know what? That is our first Cooking with Kids tip.<br />
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<b>CwK Tip #1: Always try a new recipe alone. </b><br />
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I've gotta have a chance to gauge how tricky the steps are for safety purposes, you know? <i>It has nothing to do with the fact that when I try new things I tend to panic and overanalyze just a lil' bit and need to concentrate and kids = no concentration and no concentration = burned, salty, wasted attempts at creating something edible combined with a delicious side of Jen tears. </i><br />
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So yes. Be safe. Try it alone first.<br />
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<u><b>Homemade Cinnamon Rolls</b></u><br />
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<b>Ingredients for Dough</b><br />
4 cups whole milk<br />
1 cup olive oil<br />
1 cup sugar<br />
4 and 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast (or 2 packets)<br />
9 cups all-purpose, unbleached flour, plus some for the counter<br />
1 teaspoon baking powder<br />
1 teaspoon baking soda<br />
1 teaspoon salt<br />
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<b>Ingredients for Filling</b><br />
1/4 cup melted butter mixed with 1/4 cup melted coconut oil (or just 1/2 cup melted butter)<br />
Sugar (impossible to quantify)<br />
Cinnamon (also impossible to quantify)<br />
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<b>Ingredients for Icing</b><br />
1lb bag of powdered sugar<br />
1 tablespoon maple syrup<br />
1 teaspoon vanilla<br />
1/2 cup milk<br />
1/4 cup melted butter<br />
1/8 teaspoon salt<br />
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<b>Kitchen Tools Needed:</b><br />
Whisk<br />
Spatula<br />
Plastic knife of some kind<br />
Large saucepan<br />
Big ol' mixing bowl<br />
Rolling pin<br />
Liquid measuring cup<br />
Dry measuring cups<br />
Measuring spoons<br />
Pans with butter all over the inside of 'em <i>(let the kids coat them with butter!)</i><br />
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<b>CwK Tip #2: Let your kids get the things you need. </b><br />
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Kids love feeling helpful. I let my youngest get the kitchen tools because most of them are within her reach. My oldest knows where all the baking ingredients are because I am constantly asking her to grab ingredients and organize them (in order, if I really want to give her a challenge) on the counter. This step works in two ways - it allows you to bypass gathering everything and focus on the recipe you're about to follow <i>and </i>helps the kids familiarize themselves with the kitchen.<br />
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Ok so you've got all your ingredients ready to roll? Let's do a quick safety briefing before we get started.<i> I don't go nuts here. In Europe kids cut with knives and stuff. Children tend to be more cautious and quick to learn than we sometimes give them credit for. I focus on the major areas of concern - burns, cuts, and contamination.</i><br />
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<b>CwK Tip #3: Clean and clearly define danger zones</b><br />
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Before we even get started I'll be sure the girls wash hands and wipe down our countertops. You will not believe how quickly pet hair jumps onto my counters, I swear. We always do a quick wipe-down before we begin. Then I point to my gas-powered stovetop and say, <i>"Don't touch this, this will hurt you, this will melt your skin off, this will light your hair and clothes on fire, this is dangerous and can hurt you very badly because it makes fire,"</i> to my youngest. She is four and needs to be reminded. My oldest, who is ten, gets it. She makes wide-eyed expressions next to me for dramatic emphasis. Then I pick up any knives I'll be using and again tell my youngest, <i>"Don't touch this, this will hurt you, this will cut your finger off and it will hurt very very badly."</i> Again, my oldest makes the <i>"it's true"</i> face. Lastly, if we are cooking with any raw meat, I will pick it up and hold it in my hands and say, <i>"If you touch this you need to wash your hands. This is not cooked and all the blood on it could make you sick. If you touch this you need to wash your hands so you don't get sick and poop a lot." </i>Both my kids need this reminder so I add the wide-eyed look myself.<br />
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And that's it, those are the only "safety" concerns I address. Then we're ready for cookin.<br />
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<b>Dough Instructions:</b><br />
1. Heat milk, olive oil, and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat until the sugar is dissolved. Set aside, off the burners, to cool - it should be cool enough to touch. Sprinkle the yeast on top and let it sit there (no stirring yet!) for a couple minutes.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Kids can add ingredients to the saucepan and sprinkle on the yeast. Kids can also keep time by either counting or watching a timer. </i><br />
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2. Add 8 cups of flour (only 8 - we're saving one cup for a few steps down) and stir until combined. Try not to overmix it too much or terrible, terrible things will happen to your soul.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Let the kids add the flour and stir. Be prepared to take over as the dough starts to form.</i><br />
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3. Cover the pan o' dough with a clean kitchen towel and let rise for an hour.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Put a kid in charge of the timer. They will absolutely go bonkers when it goes off and come running at you with the passion of a thousand samurais. </i><br />
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4. Remove the kitchen towel and stir in your baking powder, baking soda, salt, and the remaining 1 cup of flour. Mix it good, but not like a crazy person. You want to combine well. That is it.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Kids love to stir so I say, let them. </i><br />
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5. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* This is a great time to teach kids who can reach the controls how to use the oven controls. I am not talking about the burner dials, my dear readers, because I don't promote burning your house down, nope. I am talking about the oven controls - how to preheat, what the buttons means, how to turn the oven off, those types of things. </i><br />
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<b>Assembling the Rolls Instructions:</b><br />
6. Take half the dough out of the saucepan. I use this super-accurate method of grabbing the whole ball of dough and ripping it in half, holding one half in each hand and tipping them back and forth like a scale. It stays classy and upscale in my kitchen, people.<br />
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7. Plop your dough-halve (half-dough? halve-of-dough? dough-half?) on a floured surface. I use my bare counter, but a table works well, too. You need room, so I do not suggest using a cutting board unless you have one that's like 3 feet long.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Give your kids free reign to flour the surface for you. I promise it's worth it. </i><br />
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8. Make your dough blob rectangular-like. Then roll it out - you want it to be a larger rectangle. Ree suggests 30x10 inches but I don't know what that means so I just made it a nice, long rectangle. My dough always comes out to about an inch thick....but it's not perfect and the edges are thicker and I promise it all comes out ok. Just make sure that surface is well-floured or your dough won't roll nicely.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Let them roll!! Show them how to pat the dough down, show them how much pressure to use, show them how to add flour so the dough doesn't stick. </i><br />
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9. Pour your melted butter and coconut oil on the dough. Spread it around so it covers the dough - you don't want tons of huge puddles but you can be generous. I aim to cover from edge to edge with a nice, decent, relatively-even layer.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Show the kiddos how to use their fingers to spread the butter and oil around. Draw pictures and letters and then smooth it out. </i><br />
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10. Sprinkle sugar and cinnamon. I let the kids do this all by themselves. I put a pile of sugar in their little palms and then tell them sprinkle it all around. Same with the cinnamon. The key is using your kids' palms - they're small enough to limit the sugar and cinnamon so it doesn't become overwhelming.<br />
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11. Time to roll. Let the kids watch - this is definitely an adult step as it's a bit tricky. You want to roll the longest edge toward you tightly. Use two hands and reach over there and go slow and roll as evenly and tightly as you can toward you. Stuff will spill out the edges and that's ok, just keep rolling as tightly as you can. You're supposed to pinch the seam when you get to the end but I tried that and it did absolutely nothing so give it a whirl if you feel like it, or not.<br />
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12. Now it's time to cut the rolls. I use a plastic knife that doubles as a spatula because I don't want to slice into my counters. There is really no clean way to do this part, from my experience. The filling will get all over and again, it's ok. Cut 1/2 inch pieces off your roll. I cut down directly and swiftly and then pull the roll off and kinda straighten it out with my fingers before placing it in my buttered pans. Keep doing this until your rolls are all cut and placed in their pans. I used one pie pan and one 9x13 pan.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Put one kid in charge of roll spacing. This is a very important job! These rolls will expand in size and putting them too close together can be disastrous and extend your baking time significantly! You want them spaced apart so they have room to grow, grow, grow!</i><br />
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13. Place a kitchen towel over your rolls and let them rise for about 20 minutes. Then pop them in the oven and bake for 17-20 minutes, checking for brownness. You want them nice and golden.<br />
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<b>Icing Instructions:</b><br />
14. Whisk the powdered sugar, milk, melted butter, syrup, vanilla, and salt in a large bowl. I mean really whisk it so it's so, so smooth. You can also use a stand mixer, the kids get a kick out of turning on the high-tech appliances.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* You measure, the kids whisk and/or turn on the mixer. Since you want this real smooth, the more whisking, the better. No worries about overmixing here! </i><br />
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15. Taste the icing and add more syrup if you wanna.<br />
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<b>Ding! Rolls are Done Instructions:</b><br />
16. Pull the rolls out of the oven and pour that sweet, sweet icing all over them.<br />
<i>*CwK Moment* Kiddos will just eat the icing if given the chance. I give them each a spoon and tell them once the rolls are covered, they can lick their spoons. Rationing and helping hands......works every time. </i><br />
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17. Now you can repeat steps 6-13 with the other half of the dough, or you can do what I did and put the other half of the dough and half the icing in separate freezer baggies and freeze. When you're ready to bake again, pull the dough and icing out and let them thaw in the fridge, then move to the counter and let warm up slowly. The dough and icing hold up great after freezing.<br />
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<b>More ways kids can help?</b><br />
Watch the rolls rise! Tell mommy when they get too brown.<br />
Keep the cat off the counter!<br />
Time to clean up! Put things in the sink, wipe down the counters, clean off the floor, wash hands, wash dishes....kids can clean just as well as grown ups, it just takes a little longer. Give them a chance!<br />
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This is a great recipe to try with your little ones because the sweet ingredients will hold their interest and the only truly technical part of the recipe takes no time at all. The end results are fantastic and delicious and special, just like your babies.<br />
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Cooking with kids doesn't need to be a hassle. It will be messy and it will go slow at first, but the more you cook with them, the better they get. Give it a try! And be sure to tune in next week for another delicious, kid-friendly recipe.<br />
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Do you bake with your kids? What are your challenges and triumphs? I'd love to hear about them in the comments down below and as always, thank you so much for reading :)</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-64668231328572924662016-10-24T13:04:00.000-07:002016-10-24T13:04:22.700-07:00Affordable Fall Fun on the FlyHalloween is right around the corner, dear readers, and if you're anything like me, you're about ready for some serious candy-checking.<br />
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<i>Oh, my, that wrapper looks a little messed up. I'd better eat that one.</i><br />
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<i>Nope, I think that one fell on the ground. Give it to Mommy.</i><br />
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<i>I don't like the look of that wrapper's font. Is that Helvetica? Hand it over.</i><br />
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<i>Oh I see you have four of these. I'll take three so you can have one. </i><br />
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<i>I have no idea why your bag is half-empty this morning. Are you sneaking candy? I can't believe you're sneaking candy! As punishment I am taking five pieces out of this bag right now!</i><br />
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Muwahahaha oh yes, <b>I am ready.</b> I need some type of reward for making it through the majority of this autumn season without blowing $400 at a pumpkin patch, apple orchard, or haunted house. That's right. My kids didn't do any of that stuff this year.<br />
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Why? How? What kind of mother are you? Well.... I didn't plan this year. I am typically a big planner. A couple years ago I started a Harvest Fest thing in this house. I really wanted to make the most of the season so I created invites and filled an entire weekend with fun stuff to do and places to go and things to cook, buy, and create. Of course, once the weekend eventually came someone was sick or plans would fall through or the weather wouldn't cooperate and I would always ended up feeling disappointed. I blame adorable autumn bucket lists for my feelings of failure. <i>I'm looking at you, Pinterest. </i><br />
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This year I just didn't have the time, to be honest. I kinda got busy and let autumn take its course. We knocked out chores as they came up and I just did the best I could. And you want to know something interesting? I think this was one of our best fall seasons yet.<br />
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Affordable fall fun on the fly <i>(or frugal fall fun on the fly if you really want to challenge yourself)</i> is exactly that - easy, cheap ways to make the most of the season. All of the ideas listed below can be done alone, with friends, or with family - I did most of them with my kiddos. And they were all admission-free!<br />
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Farm Visits - My county's farm bureau puts together a yearly farm tour. A number of farms within relatively close distance to one another open their gates and let us walk around, meet the animals, and explore their barns. They had produce and jams and honey on sale, sold hot dogs and soda, and the best part? At every stop my kids and I got to meet the actual family that lived there and worked the farm. It was incredibly fun and so, so rewarding to meet our local farmers. Many of the farms were just like the big-name "orchards" that were charging an arm and a leg to step foot on the property - except these farms were cheaper, less crowded, and supplied our county with nourishment outside of agri-tourism. If your county doesn't host an event like this try googling some local farms or checking your farmers market page for contact numbers - most farmers really love having their customers come visit and see how things operate! These beauties pictured below weren't part of the tour - they belong to a friend I work with at our local co-op. Ask around and ye shall find cuties!<br />
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Autumn Drive - Each and every year me, my big girl, and my best friend go on the Autumn Drive. Similar to the county farm tour, the autumn drive in my area hosts crafters, antique sellers, and a ton of seasonal food trucks. This is definitely less about agriculture and more like a very festive garage sale. Truth be told, you don't even need an event like this to get into the autumn spirit. Just pile into the car and go for a drive. Pack some apple juice boxes and drive around looking at the pretty leaves. This year I worked on teaching my girls some of the tree names. We've got sugar maple and oak down!<br />
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Movies - There is nothing better than lighting candles, grabbing a blanket, and curling up to watch Halloween movies. I love, love, love watching movies with my kids and every year we watch <i>Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, The Halloween Tree, </i>and <i>The Ghost and Mister Chicken</i> (classic, check it out if you have no idea what I'm talking about). Once the kids go to sleep I scare the crap out of myself by watching scary movies alone in the dark.<i> I live on the edge, people.</i> Pick out a few Halloween movies you love and make a point to only watch them in October. It is such an easy way to create a fun tradition!<br />
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Books - I love books more than movies, if you can believe it. Just like with our Halloween movies, I collect my favorite Halloween books and only bring them out in October. The kids love <i>The Ghost Eye Tree, The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything,</i> and <i>Guess Who's Just Moved in Next Door to Us?</i> You know as I'm typing this out I'm realizing these were all books my mama read to me when I was little. Traditions don't need to cost a dime and can be as easy as flipping a few pages.<br />
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Punkin Carving and Seeds - This may sound like a no-brainer but I thought I'd throw it up here because often times I think I need to visit one of those giant pumpkin fields to get my pumpkins. Turns out the ones they sell in the grocery store come from only a few miles south of where I live and they are about ten times cheaper than the ones sold at the patches. When it comes to carving I am not picky, those suckers won't last more than a week anyway, so I have no problem picking up giant pumpkins for $4 a piece at the grocery store. The kids don't care, either. And the seeds taste just the same when baked with some seasoned salt and olive oil.<br />
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Fall Walk - Get outside and walk around. Getting out the door when it's starting to get chilly can be tough but I promise those fall colors are worth it and they won't stick around for long. We go for quick walks around my hood, nothing more than a mile, and soak in those last rays of warm sunshine while we still can. I love taking the girls on walks because I get to talk to them with few distractions, explore with them, and be outside. Simple and <i>not at all boring</i>.<br />
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Crafts - My mama is amazing and she sent my girls a package of Halloween crafts - and they weren't the hard projects that take forever and fall apart. These crafts were comprised of foam stickers and some ribbon - that's it. I was over the moon. The girls didn't fight, nothing has fallen apart, nobody got frustrated, and I got an adorable banner and door hanging out of it all.<br />
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Food - Next month I am kicking off a new series all about making food from scratch <i>with your kiddos. </i>I am very excited about the series because honestly, parents, kids can cook! It's not always easy, and a lot of the time it is actually more work to have them in there, but once they get the hang of it and develop their skills, kids can be incredibly useful helpers. So far this autumn we've baked punkin seeds, cream cheese punkin muffins, zucchini bread, biscuits, sweet rolls with icing, and we are about to make pumpkin pie in a couple weekends. I do most of the work but my kids like to stir, mix, and "check" on the things baking in the oven. Food is one of my favorite things in the entire world so <i>of course</i> it plays a huge role in making the seasons special for my family - plus from scratch is cheap and cooking is one of those things where the more you do it, the better you get!<br />
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Gardening - I don't think there's anything cooler than foregoing the orchards and patches because <i>you have your own orchard and patch in your own backyard</i>. Our apple trees are still babies but we grew a record number of sugar pie pumpkins this year. The smiles and giggles I heard coming from my girls when they realized we had pumpkins growing is something I will never forget. And what is more frugal than planting a little tiny seed in the ground? Our herb spiral was overflowing this year, too, and the big girl learned how to identify lemon balm, rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil, and chamomile. You're outside, you're learning, and you're eating - gardening is my favorite.<br />
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Arboretums and Botanic Gardens - I've noticed these places get a little less play in the fall than they likely deserve. What better place to take in the foliage than a tree-specific garden covered with...well... trees? We did not hit up the pumpkin-lighting fest at my local botanic garden this year <i>(that was one of the things I considered but the day of, decided I'd rather watch Netflix. I regret nothing.)</i> but I think I'm taking the kiddos next year. It looked incredible. Check around and see if you have any lesser-known parks in your area. Chances are if there's a park, there's a group of people making that park festive and fun for the fall season.<br />
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The best part about having fun on the fly? If you don't feel like doing anything, you don't. And if you do, you go out and do it. It was blessedly relaxing for me to keep this mind frame and the mentality of "whatever you want" took all the stress and pressure off my time with my girls. So go ahead and check out some of these ideas and relax your way into the holidays..........or don't, that's ok too :)<br />
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I'd love to hear about your fall activities in the comments down below! As always, thank you for reading and have a Happy Halloween :) Boo!</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Jen</span></div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-63221516734903924222016-10-10T13:34:00.000-07:002016-10-10T14:30:45.711-07:00Another Day with Abby<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Today's post is dedicated to the Greene family, and their sweet baby girl, Abigail.</i></div>
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I remember the first time I met Adam Greene. I was nervous, shy, and even a little embarrassed. You see, I was carrying his friend's baby. <i>Hi, nice to meet you, you don't know me, but your buddy knocked me up so guess what? I'm a part of your life now. So....how 'bout them Bears?</i> I remember the knots in my stomach like it was yesterday. </div>
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Truth be told I'd crossed paths with Adam long, long ago. His sister was one of my very first friends when I moved to a new school district. She and I and a strange Texan named Chad would hang out all the time on the playground. I'd seen Adam before, but never spoke to him. Nope, I didn't speak to him until I was swollen and achy and nervous and anxious. </div>
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I was worried for nothing, it turns out. He was incredibly friendly, the epitome of a big-brother kind-of-guy, and he smiled a lot. He didn't talk too much but when he did it was typically something funny, video game-related, or genuine. He greeted me with kindness and that kindness has carried over through the years, into my wedding day, at birthday parties, and even more recently, through my divorce. He looked me straight in the eye and asked if I was ok the last time I saw him. He is one of only three guys that's done that during this insane time in my life. You remember those moments. Direct, caring, friendly. </div>
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I remember meeting Rachel, too. Where Adam carries more subtle conversations, Rachel delivers a whirlwind of words, typically fast-paced, on any subject in the book. I remember struggling to keep up and wondering if she was going to eventually realize I'm not nearly as intelligent as I must've looked because I had no idea what we were talking about. </div>
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Rachel has the most beautiful face I've ever seen. Huge green-gray eyes. Dark, incredibly shiny hair. Perfect skin. She also smiled a lot the night I met her. And she was crazy in love with Adam, I picked up on that immediately. She shared funny stories from the past and I remember laughing and trying to picture my soon-to-be-husband as a young high schooler, acting like an idiot and wearing stupid hats. I found myself feeling so much more comfortable. <i>A girl I can talk to who isn't judging me and is smart and nice and doesn't seem to mind that I was kinda just tossed in this little group of tightly-knit friends.</i> </div>
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She and her sister did our hair for my wedding day. She made me beautiful and told me I was beautiful and helped hold my huge white dress in a teeny-tiny stall so I could pee. She sent me messages while I was in Germany and hosted my second baby sprinkle and went out of her way to be nice, understanding, and inviting. She didn't have to do that. These were her friends that she'd had for years and years, I was a newcomer. But she did it anyways.</div>
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These two wonderful people decided to make more wonderful people. They were blessed with two little girls. Abigail and Emma. I had two girls, they had two girls, another couple had a boy and a girl, another had two girls, one couple had four boys (<i>#bossstatus</i>), another had two girls - as the years passed we added kids to the group faster than I could keep their names straight. We shared birthday parties and holidays and beach days and I still look forward to the one party every year when I am pretty much guaranteed to see everyone and I can try and pick out which leggy, sweaty kids were the little tiny babies I felt like I held just days ago. </div>
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Abigail, the Greene's oldest, loves to talk. When she comes over she wants to know everything about the chickens. Names. What they eat. Why they are colored that way. Where the eggs are. Could she have some eggs? How many chickens. Could she hold them? Why couldn't she hold them? What liked to eat chickens. What scared chickens. But really please, could she hold them? She reminds me of my oldest.</div>
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Emma, her younger sister, is a girl of action. Much like my youngest, she knows what she wants and there's no doubt she is going to get it. At our last party I watched as she partnered with my youngest and together they dominated the mud pie kitchen and defended their riches from every other child in the yard. These women will run the world one day. </div>
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Our kiddos play together. Not all the time, not very often, but they play together. We didn't feel pressed for time. We could always make a playdate some day down the line. When Rachel's mother passed away unexpectedly this year, my heart ached for her. I saw Rachel a few weeks later and hugged her, handed her more beer, let her know I was thinking of her. That's the same day Adam truly saw me and despite his own hardships, asked me how I was doing. We don't see each other much, but it's in these moments that we are there for each other.</div>
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And it absolutely shatters me to say <b>now is another one of those moments.</b></div>
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Rachel and Adam just found out their beautiful Abby, only 7 years old, has a brain tumor. And before your broken heart rushes you into a slew of defensive thoughts about innovative medical treatments, various award-winning cancer centers, and how we've come so far technologically, please let me stop you. </div>
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Abigail was diagnosed with DIPG. </div>
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I want you to read these next few paragraphs. Please read them in their entirety - there's something you need to understand. </div>
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<i>"What is the prognosis for a child diagnosed with DIPG?</i></div>
<i><br />Medical advances in the past 40 years have greatly improved the survival rates for children diagnosed with most types of cancer. For some cancers, the medical advances have been extraordinary. For example, the survival rate for children with acute lymphocytic leukemia has increased from less than 10 percent in the 1960s to nearly 90 percent today. Overall, the survival rate for children with cancer is around 83 percent.<br /><br /><b>But these medical advances have done nothing for children DIPG. </b><br /><br />Brain tumors remain the most common cause of cancer-related death in children, and DIPG is the leading cause of death from pediatric brain tumors. A child diagnosed with DIPG today faces the same prognosis as a child diagnosed 40 years ago. There is still no effective treatment and no chance of survival. Only 10% of children with DIPG survive for 2 years following their diagnosis, and less than 1% survive for 5 years. The median survival is 9 months from diagnosis." </i><i>(Taken from <a href="https://www.defeatdipg.org/dipg-facts/overview/what-is-the-prognosis-for-a-child-diagnosed-with-dipg/" target="_blank">DefeatDIPG.org</a>)</i><br />
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The Greene's, the lovely, wonderful family I described above, were handed<i> that </i>prognosis <i><u>for their little girl</u></i>. There is no rationalizing this away. There is no, "But what about?" This is, quite literally, every parent's worst nightmare. And it's happening, real-time, to two incredibly good people, one strong little sister, and one beautiful, brilliant ray of light with lots of chicken questions, sweet Abigail. </div>
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So what can we do? As tears fall and hands shake, I wrack my brain trying to think about what I would want to hear. What would I want? Who would I want to see? Do they want food? How much is too much? How much is not enough? How can I even begin to understand?</div>
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And the bottom line, the real truth, is that I can't possibly understand. I do not understand what they are going through. I can't empathize my way into their world. And nothing I can do can shelter this family from the pain they are experiencing. This is their new normal and this new normal is unacceptable. And I can do nothing to change it.</div>
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But I <i>can</i> offer to hold the umbrella over their head for a little bit. The rain will still fall, the wind, still blow, but if I can keep the storm from hitting their faces for only a moment, it's damn well worth trying. </div>
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Abigail Greene's website is called <a href="http://anotherdaywithabby.com/#home" target="_blank">Another Day with Abby</a>. There's a link where you can donate, even as little as $1, toward Abby's life. Your donation allows Rachel to stay with her daughters instead of working her full time job. Your donation allows Adam to travel back and forth from work into the city to hold his daughter's hand during treatments. Your donation helps pay for the smiling nurses and pediatricians who provide Abby's medical care. Your donation allows Abby to live life to the absolute fullest.</div>
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We can't take her cancer away, dear readers. But we can take a minute out of our lives to show love and support to a family that's continually shown love and support to others. This is our chance to show them that they're not alone. <b>This is our chance to look them in the eye when they're not ok and say, "I am here. And I can help."</b></div>
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Please consider visiting <a href="http://anotherdaywithabby.com/#home" target="_blank">Another Day with Abby</a> and showing the Greene's that love and light can be found in even the darkest of places. You can also follow along with Abby's journey on her Facebook page, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AbigailGreene210/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Abigail's Fight with DIPG.</a> </div>
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As always, thank you for reading. </div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-82423826180354181632016-10-03T13:15:00.000-07:002016-10-03T13:15:03.592-07:00Harvest Results...How Did the Seeds Do? It's been a heck of a start to the fall season, my dear friends. There's been quite a lot of heartbreak around these parts lately and I've decided to take a pause from the serious stuff for a minute and talk about something pure, simple, and joyful.....<div>
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....growing food. </div>
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There's something very soothing and calming about taking a seed, shoving it in some dirt, giving it a little water, and watching it grow into a little plant. I don't think there's a single hurt in the world that cannot be soothed by just a little time outside in the dirt. It's therapeutic and natural and brings us back, quite literally, to our roots. Garden therapy is all about the process. The food that comes afterward is just a bonus.</div>
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I started growing my lil seedlings this spring - remember the <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/03/growing-garden-where-do-i-start.html" target="_blank">Growing a Garden series</a> I wrote alongside my 2016 gardening efforts? If you're thinking about gardening, or want to see how I started it up all by myself, check out that series. I planted a plethora of veggies this year, almost 10 new varieties, all of them heirloom and purchased primarily from <a href="http://www.seedsavers.org/" target="_blank">Seed Savers</a> and <a href="http://www.rareseeds.com/" target="_blank">Baker Creek</a>, with a few random little packets I got for free from the <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2015/08/2015-mother-earth-news-fair-greatest.html" target="_blank">Mother Earth News Fair last year</a>. <i>PS: I am in Zone 5 - <a href="http://planthardiness.ars.usda.gov/PHZMWeb/" target="_blank">check here</a> to find your zone. </i></div>
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So which seeds panned out and which ones didn't? Let's find out :)</div>
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<b>Zucchini</b></div>
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My zucchini rocked the house again this year. They got a late start because of the <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/06/chipmunks-in-garden-wildlife-warfare.html" target="_blank">Chipmunk Fiasco of 2016</a> but regardless, they've given me a number of huge, quick-growing squashes that I've diced and sliced for pasta, freezing, and of course, the<a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/09/best-easiest-zucchini-bread-ever.html" target="_blank"> best, easiest zucchini bread ever</a>. This is my second year using these seeds from Baker Creek and they didn't disappoint either year. I was able to save some seeds from the largest zucchini I found and am excited to see how they germinate next year. </div>
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<b>Cucumber</b></div>
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Last year I tried these in a bush-like habitat, planting them at the base of my corn and pole beans as a weed shade. They gave me one, yellowing little cucumber and almost immediately became afflicted by mildew. This year I tried them in a climbing pattern, up a trellis made of chicken wire, and unfortunately, nothing. I will be trying a new variety of cucumbers next year. Snow's Fancy, I wanted to love you, but alas, I fear it wasn't meant to be. <br />
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<b>Pumpkin</b><br />
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This lil' packet was free from the Jung table and booth at the <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2015/08/2015-mother-earth-news-fair-greatest.html" target="_blank">Mother Earth News Fair</a>. I am excited to say that despite getting them in the ground late, and seeing some pretty significant mildew on the leaves this past week, I've harvested four beautiful, adorable little sugar punkins this year. I will be planting these again next year :)<br />
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<b>Beans!</b><br />
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Both of these bean types germinated like crazy. My kids have furiously gathered and shelled these guys for the past few weeks. Trail of Tears had the most gorgeous flowers that were a favorite among the garden's pollinators. The Brinker Carrier's are huge and hilarious, looking like chunky little caterpillars at first glance. I let both these bean types dry on the vine and we will be storing them for use this winter as a dry bean. My only complaint (and this is more Jen Error than anything else) is the vines are quite strong - I need to work on my trellis skills. They toppled the corn over while trying to stretch to other plants!<br />
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<b>Spinach</b><br />
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I don't know what it is with me and spinach but<i> man</i> does my spinach ever bolt quick! I tried this variety last year too and had the same issue - the seeds germinated wonderfully, but the plants grew tall and spindly and seedy within 2 weeks. Maybe that's normal? I've been spoiled by my kale, I imagine.<br />
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<b>Kale</b><br />
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This kale. I <i>cannot</i> even describe how amazing this kale is. The bunches are huge, healthy, beautiful, and hearty. Every seed I direct sowed into the ground this spring grew into a beautiful, bountiful bush of kale. I harvest the bottom leaves and work my way up and this stuff doesn't quit - it just grows more leaves. Last year it stuck around until the first major snow of the season. A definite keeper!<br />
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<b>Strawberries</b><br />
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I didn't think I could ever get strawberries to love my garden but alas, I'm having the best luck with these two varieties. The Old North Sea berries are new and were just planted this year so no fruit yet. They have grown substantially since planting and of the three little root bundles Baker Creek sent me, two of them took off like lush, leafy rockets. My Alexandria berries were planted last year and they came back this year with delightful success. They were working hard well into the heat of the summer and although the berries are small, my girls loved plucking them off and popping them into their mouths for the majority of the spring. Fingers crossed both varieties survive the winter! </div>
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<b>Insect Control</b></div>
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I plant marigolds and nasturtiums every year for insect control. Nasturtiums are also edible - very tangy and gorgeous in salads. Last year both varieties exceeded my expectations and provided me with beautiful blooms from summer through the fall. This year, however, I was down on my nasturtium luck. Instead of direct sowing them, I started them indoors. That will change next year - back to direct sowing them once the frost passes! My marigolds are gorgeous - honestly they made me tear up on this crisp fall morning - beautiful orbs of gold and orange. <i>*le sigh*</i><br />
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<b>Peppers</b><br />
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My peppers did not make it at all this year. I've grown the purple beauties and napoleon sweets before and had wonderful yields. This year I added the sweet chocolates and was so excited to see all three varieties grow into healthy, gorgeous, productive bushes. I simply did not get them warmed up quick enough. I also tried companion planting them with tomatoes this year and the tomatoes went crazy, which I think made it hard for the peppers to get that precious sunshine they love so much. Next year they get their own space on the south side!<br />
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<b>Tomatoes</b><br />
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Tomatoes, oh the tomatoes, dear readers. I tried tomatoes in 2015 and it was a bust. Only one or two orbs and they had blossom end rot like crazy. I was so sad, especially when I'd read about how they're the easiest things to grow, ever. This year, much to my joy and pleasure, I had the most incredible bumper crop of tomatoes. Of the four varieties I planted, only the Bonny Best did not grow. The Hillbilly Potato Leaf are ginormous, but extremely sensitive to water. Almost all of them split, which was fine with me because I don't sell them, I eat them. The Green Zebras were perfect, but smaller than I expected. And the Moonglows were my favorite. Beautiful orange orbs of extremely fleshy, delectable goodness. Fantastic year for tomatoes!<br />
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<b>Cauliflower</b><br />
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My cauliflower decided to high-tail it to Rot City this year. In 2015 this variety produced some of the best cauliflower I'd ever eaten. This year, the heat of the spring made the leaves wilted and attracted earwigs to my precious, yellowing bundles of goodness. I have not given up on this variety yet and will be trying them again next year in a different bed. </div>
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<b>Herbs!</b><br />
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My herbs soared with the eagles this year, my friends. The only variety that did not go nuts was the cilantro. Everything else, including the basil I put between plants and as an insect deterrent, grew strong and healthy and bountiful. I absolutely love the purple basil and the lemon balm, they are perhaps my two favorites. My <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2015/05/homesteading-like-jerk-herb-spirals-for.html" target="_blank">herb spiral </a>is looking gorgeous!!<br />
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<b>Onion</b><br />
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This is all my fault, really. This variety did so so good in 2015. I went nuts starting these guys and started them too early. The planters I used stunted their growth and I didn't use enough soil in the raised beds to allow them to really spread out and get big. I was able to harvest some onion, but not the gorgeous, beautiful braids I imagined when I planted them. Next year, onions are getting more space!<br />
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<b>Carrot</b><br />
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These little babies survived what I consider to be a murderous attempt on their very lives. I planted them way too close together, in restrictive planting material, with nowhere near enough soil for them to root. Regardless, they gave me some adorable (even if kinda funky-lookin) orange roots. They also gave me a couple yellow-tailed swallowtail butterflies. I'll do them justice next year!</div>
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The harvest isn't quite over yet but if it were to end tomorrow, I would leave the season feeling quite successful indeed. Happy gardening!!<br />
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What did you grow this year, dear readers? What are your favorite varieties? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading! </div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-73623483387768851832016-09-26T13:56:00.000-07:002016-09-26T13:56:57.712-07:0010 Things Nobody Told Me About DivorceHello my lovely readers. Oh how I've missed you so! I was overwhelmed and uninspired these past few weeks. I was able to clean, cook, and work, but that's about it. That was as far as my head was letting me go.<br />
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You know why?<br />
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My date in front of the divorce judge is this Thursday. <i>This</i> Thursday. I am doing this without an attorney and drafted all the legal documents myself, did I tell you that? I prolly didn't. I prolly was trying to avoid the onslaught of <i><b>"Are you joking! Don't be an idiot! He'll take everything!"</b></i> comments. But it's true, he and I are both representing ourselves. That paperwork is horrendous, and I'm a girl who loves paperwork. I can understand why attorneys charge so much.....kinda.<br />
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So I hesitated this morning, feeling nauseous after another night of restlessness and lying in my bed going over and over my various areas of brokenness. I thought, <i>"Who the hell wants to hear from a whiner? Nobody likes to read about divorce. It's depressing. It makes single people not want to get married. It makes married people anxious. It makes struggling wives and husbands scared they might end up there some day. Best if I just keep quiet another week and hope something new and positive comes along next week."</i><br />
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But then I thought to myself, <i>"Jen, what in the actual f@#$ is wrong with you? This blog is called Flaws, Forgiven. This is your space, your place. If you can't be ugly, sad, truthful, and real here, then where?"</i><br />
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This is my messy place. My place to connect to other messy people and raise my hand alongside you and voluntarily join up together in our own little messy, messy world. I'm truckin on today, readers. I'm writing because I feel like I might die if I don't and I'm drawing inspiration from real life. And real life for me, at least this week, is all about divorce.<br />
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<b>1. Everyone has an opinion.</b><br />
I assumed, perhaps stupidly, that my decision to divorce would be taken with a unanimous and resounding <i>"Yes! I support you! I am here for you, feel all the feels!"</i> You don't realize how different the people in your life are until you struggle with something immense, like divorce. Some tell me I made a great decision, it's time to move on, chin up, be strong. Others think I'm being a little dramatic, should've stayed put, needed to think about the long-term implications of my decision a little more. I will say the first group heavily outweighs the second group in my situation, particularly because I was left with the choice to divorce or remain with a repeatedly unfaithful man, but those few random people who are saddened by my decision still poke at me.<br />
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It hurts to think my decision causes others pain....but what hurts even more is facing those who cannot sympathize with me and understand divorce is something I never wanted. Despite the Facebook pictures showing me smiling and happy, I am <i>mourning</i> my marriage. I am purposely throwing myself into the happiest possible surroundings I can because if I stay put, stay inactive, I will fixate on the loss of years and years of hard work. My marriage was an investment gone bad, Jen's Black Tuesday. It's devastatingly difficult to be around people who cannot understand that, especially when I was so sure I wouldn't need to defend myself.<br />
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Similarly, I have very sweet, supportive friends who say things like, <i>"It could be so much worse."</i> They mean well, they love me, and I love them for trying to make me feel better. But it could <i>always</i> be so much worse. Telling someone it could be so much worse while they are at their worst is the emotional equivalent of threatening to cut off a one-legged woman's good leg. It undermines the struggle and fails to acknowledge that sorrow, anger, complaining, and generally being upset is allowed during divorce, regardless of specifics. It leaves me wanting to scream, <i>"Let me be a whiny bitch for a minute! Promise when something terrible happens to you I will stand by your side and let you feel every last piece of it without rushing you along!"</i><br />
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Bottom line, don't expect anyone to fully understand what you're dealing with unless they've been there themselves...and even then, be prepared for the comparisons and the <i>"you are so lucky"</i> (yes someone actually said that to me while I shared the details of my divorce) comments. If you do find someone or a group of people who can simply stand there and hold you, judgement-free, lean on them and hug them to you with all your might. They are the right people to be around in this season of your life.<br />
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<b>2. I judge myself every single day. </b><br />
Sometimes I judge my parenting. Sometimes I judge my ability to be a good friend. Sometimes I judge my looks, my character, my strength, my drive, my skills, my dedication, my heart. And yes, sometimes I even stand back and judge my decision to get divorced. I do not regret it, oh no. That ship has sailed. But I do look back at the events leading to my divorce and wonder if I couldn't of done something different. Been better. Tried harder.<br />
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Am I being a good mom? Am I being a good friend? Am I doing enough to maintain the relationships in my life? Did I make the right choice staying quiet? Do I really have any right to be sad? I'm constantly on the stand in my own courtroom, evaluating my progress through this maze of crazy paperwork, single parenting, and new routines. I overthink the crap out of my decisions....and it's because I don't trust myself. I don't trust myself to make the right choices, to be the support my kids need, to achieve my goals. There's a little light within me that grows by the day, telling me to push forward and for the most part, I listen and do. But I also doubt and judge myself constantly.<br />
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As time goes by and you develop a feel for your new routine, your new life, your new standards, your days in front of your internal judge will get easier. This is all about gaining confidence and learning to trust yourself again. It will happen. Be as gentle as you can with your self-critique until that day arrives.<br />
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<b>3. My left hand is a flashing billboard.</b><br />
So most of you prolly know by now that I love driving and flirting. I love the fleeting, absolutely no-strings-attached way you can ride alongside someone and give them smiles. I love when I'm deep in thought about something trivial and mundane and some dude rides up and winks at me. I love when I'm singing at the top of my lungs at a red light and the person in front of me is staring in their rear-view. I love it. And when I first separated from my ex, I flirted like a maniac. I rolled down my window on purpose to drag my hand through the air so all the dudes on the road knew I didn't have a wedding band. I felt free and it was lovely.<br />
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On the flipside, I find myself extremely self-conscious when I'm up in front of the church singing with the choir on a Sunday morning. Do they see I'm not wearing a ring? Have they noticed it's no longer there? I get self-conscious showing up at school events for my little ones. Do the other parents notice the tan line where my ring once sat? Should I wear long sleeves so I can cover my hand if need be? I wish I could say I was above worrying what strangers think, but we all know by now that is obviously absolutely not true.<br />
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The truth? Chances are nobody notices or cares what's on your left hand....and if they do, you'll never know what they're thinking anyways. Best to put that newly-naked left hand in the air with positive flirtatious vibes and let any negativity about your null-and-void ring roll right off.<br />
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<b>4. Friends and family choose sides.</b><br />
This one will blow you away when it happens to you. Fair warning.<br />
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As I mentioned earlier, I was pretty confidant those who know me and my ex would understand why I chose to get a divorce. I didn't adequately prepare myself for the very painful experience of getting left off a what I thought was a mutual friend's party invite. Or a family dinner. Or a holiday celebration. Every friend and family member who was his before the marriage falls into muddled, hazy territory that is tricky to navigate. Dinner with family members you love sounds like a no-brainer, right? Well, not when your ex doesn't want you there. Doesn't matter how much you love them, that's his family and you're out. Plain and simple.<br />
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And despite what they say, people will choose sides. They may do it gently, and continue to hang with you both while the other is not around, but there will always be a situation where only one of you can attend. The host will need to make that hard decision and chances are, it will hurt.<br />
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The only way around this is to accept your divorce signifies a completely new life.....your daily life for sure, your parenting and financial life, obviously, but also the way you spend your free time and how the people of your "married life" play a role in your "divorced life." Those relationships will change and sometimes will, yes, end. The sooner you work past that and accept such things are just a part of divorce, the better equipped you will be during your recovery process. Remember the good times and cherish your memories and move on. You have new places to be now.<br />
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<b>5. I am happier.</b><br />
My divorce isn't final yet. I'm only 9 months into this new, separated life. I am sad about it every day. But even in this walking-dead, bleary-eyed state, I realize I am happier. I am happier than I was when I snuck around checking phone records. I am happier than I was when I argued over how many beers were in the fridge. I am happier than I was when I wondered if I was too fat to be sexy. I am happier, even though I am not very happy.<br />
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Sometimes the pain of the moment causes perspective to warp and creates a sense of longing for something that was never really there in the first place. The good times stand out and my stomach lurches and I feel nothing but failure, remorse, and sadness. It's important, at times like these, to think back on the past with a clear head. I kept notes in my phone from those days, the real bad ones, so I could talk to my therapist about them back when we did marriage counseling. Sometimes I will pull those notes up to remind myself of just how bad it was and how much growth I've encountered already.<br />
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This whole situation is extremely difficult and painful and makes my head spin. But I am happier than I have been in 10 years. And you will be, too.<br />
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<b>6. I can reach crap all by myself.</b><br />
I had this silly image all through my marriage that if I got divorced I wouldn't be able to reach stuff up high. Like, I'd get divorced and I'd need to grab a dish from the top shelf of the pantry and instead of having him there to help me, I'd try and get it myself and would end up bumping the shelf somehow and everything would come crashing down on top of me and I'd die under a mountain of canned olives and cake platters.<br />
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But you know what's shocking? Now that I'm living the single woman life, there's not much I can't do myself. I can reach stuff up high. I can lift heavy stuff. I can build firepit brush piles. I can fix stuff. I can do those things. I'm not some wamby-pamby little mouse who flinches and tears up at the thought of her ex-husband's swift ability to unclog a drain. Reality is I've got a naked 4 year old who's crapped her pants and I need to get that drain unclogged <b><i>now </i></b>and get her poo-butt in the bathtub and cleaned up immediately because I start work in 4 minutes. So I do it.<br />
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You can do the stuff he did, or she did. Maybe not the same way. Maybe not with the same efficiency. Hell maybe you hire someone to do it. But you can get it done. You can reach crap all by yourself. The ideas in your head, the visions you had of your life post-divorce, they are not reality. Imagination is beautiful and terrifying and also simply that....imagined thoughts. Ground yourself in the reality that your life can function beautifully without anyone else around to help or watch or praise you.<br />
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<b>7. I do not recognize my ex 99.9% of the time.</b><br />
I know. By now you may think I am some kinda moron. I mean, c'mon, you're getting divorced, it's obviously not what you thought it was going to be. But I mean it when I say this element of divorce stunned me. I thought after ten years of marriage, I knew my ex inside and out. Turns out I was wrong and that scares the living crap out of me. My head is consistently humming with thoughts of, <i>"Did he ever love you? Why does he hate you? Was he always like this? What if he changes his mind about giving you money? What if he takes off? What if he has a breakdown like those crazy shooters on the news? Who is this person? Has he really seen you naked and afraid? Is this really the same guy who dried your tears? How could you ever think you knew him, truly? What is wrong with you? Who else behaves like this? Will you ever find someone who doesn't change his mind about you every day? What if it's not him, it's you?"</i><br />
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Those thoughts go on and on and on, dear readers. When someone you love turns into someone you don't recognize, <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/08/how-to-deal-with-painful-people.html" target="_blank">as I've mentioned in previous posts</a>, it's the most jarring, unforgiving, horrific experience a person can have. Betrayal doesn't encompass it. Painful doesn't come close to describing it. You doubt the other person but even worse than that, you doubt yourself. How could your heart and mind and judgement be so wrong?<br />
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The only way up from here is to make a conscious decision. You really have only two choices - harden your heart and refuse to risk the pain of poor judgement again, or chalk your failed marriage up to a rare and horrible experience that will not define you. I am trying very hard to holdfast to my dedication to the second option and to remain hopeful about love and faith.<br />
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<b>8. Reading and visiting the county's legal self help office was the single most helpful action I took.</b><br />
Nobody told me to do my divorce alone. Everyone told me to go the opposite way, actually. Who knows, I may still end up hiring an attorney (Thursday will decided that). But despite the long hours I put into this paperwork, and the horrific legaleze I was forced to decipher over and over, I am glad I've done this on my own. I've learned my rights, I've learned his rights, I've read typical court outcomes, I've read what to avoid, I've read what to strive toward.<br />
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Perhaps it's my control freak nature. I feel I have no control over my failed marriage...but hell if I won't have control over the paperwork that seals my fate. Either way I feel better knowing and understanding these things. I'm informed and knowledge is power.<br />
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Take a minute to look at the divorce laws in your state. Go to the self-help area of your county's courthouse. Familiarize yourself with the paperwork and expectations. Even if you hire an attorney, it behooves you to understand the basics of your divorce case. You might need to understand these things later if something in your agreement is breached or changes need to be made.<br />
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<b>9. The truth comes out.</b><br />
Remember how everyone has an opinion about your divorce? Well, turns out everyone has an opinion about your ex, too. Once those around me understood my marriage was permanently over, the truth came out. They told me what they really thought about my marriage and my ex. They let it<i> alllllll </i>go. And in some ways, it was reassuring, and supportive, but in other ways it was very sad and hard to listen to.<br />
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I don't want to listen to someone completely bash the crap out of my kids' father. It's ok to call him a name here or there, I do that sometimes too. But tearing him apart in front of me does not help me. He is still a part of my life. He will always be a part of my life. I need to deal with that and keep some semblance of positivity in my interactions with him when possible.<br />
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People throwing too much shade? Is the truth hurting too much? It's ok to tell them to hush. They will. And then they will likely feel bad and apologize for getting caught up in their moment of anger. When you really step back and look at it, such displays are almost endearing. Your ranting friends are mad this happened to you. They want to let loose potentially years worth of opinion that's been bottled up and brewing. They are hurting too. But it's ok to tell them to hush.<br />
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Likewise, it's ok to tell your ex to hush. He might want to talk about his new love interest. He may want to divulge what really made him cheat. He may start talking about what he was really doing that night you thought he was somewhere else. Tell him (or her) to hush. You're dealing with enough truth right now. The truth within others' hearts doesn't need to be hashed out right now.<br />
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<b>10. Doing things on my own is more healing than wine and chocolate. </b><br />
<i>I know. This seems impossible, Jen. What are you saying. </i>It's true, dear readers. I could very easily drown in bad food and beer and Netflix. Sometimes I allow myself to do just that. But can I please tell you, in all honesty, nothing feels as good as doing things on my own. Going to the library alone. Taking the kids on a "family-friendly" outing alone. Hosting a party alone.<br />
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Each time I do something I typically did with my ex, I gain a kernel of independence and confidence back. Every time I <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/05/10-fantastic-and-frugal-things-to-do.html" target="_blank">achieve a new goal, or try something new, or venture out on my own</a>, I learn a little more about myself. It's incredibly empowering and definitely makes me feel better than wine and chocolate....<i>.I really am telling the truth. </i><br />
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It's tricky because a lot of the time I want to curl up and make good use of use various mindless crutches, like sleep, books, or Facebook....but I'm finding <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/06/building-confidence-as-anxious-single.html" target="_blank">when I push myself to make plans, get busy, jump outside my comfort zone,</a> I feel accomplished in ways I haven't felt in years.<br />
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Don't let your traditions end with your marriage. Tweak them if you need to but do them anyways. Make them your own. And realize you can do this, this thing called life, after divorce. Matter of fact, you can do it better. And you will.<br />
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Have you been divorced? What shocked you about the process? This goes out to non-marriage breakups, too....any tips to share? How did you find yourself again? I would love to hear about your experiences in the comments down below. As always, dear readers, thank you so much for reading :)</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-62932947934309927722016-09-12T12:43:00.000-07:002016-09-12T12:48:52.414-07:00Best, Easiest Zucchini Bread EverI know I say this every time the seasons change...but I am so, so excited for fall this year. I had a record-breaking roller coaster of a summer, reaching some of my highest highs and lowest lows and let me tell you, I am ready for change and blankets and the end of the insanity that is my lawn these days. I've lost animals in that lawn. Children. My children disappear into that lawn. But I digress.<br />
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One of the craziest, most interesting things about autumn is the ironic pull this feminist single mama feels toward her kitchen. Oh yep, I said it. I love female power and challenging stereotypes and teaching my girls they can be warriors and anything else they want to be....but I also love, love, love being barefoot in my kitchen. It's true. I love cranking up the oven, sprinkling flour on my counter, and baking the crap out of my garden harvest. I love smell of my <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-hippie-wanna-be-chronicles-bone.html" target="_blank">crockpot as it melts chicken bones into broth</a> and I love pulling out my huge old-school pressure canner and listening to lids pop. I love rinsing off heirloom tomatoes and looking out the big kitchen window and watching my chickens bobble across my yard. I love, really love, being in my kitchen, especially after visiting my garden. And with autumn around the corner, my trips to the garden are becoming more and more frequent.<br />
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Now normally I have zucchini up the yim-yam by now, but some of you may remember <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/06/chipmunks-in-garden-wildlife-warfare.html" target="_blank">I had an epic battle</a> of ungodly proportions this year with massive amounts of teeny, sneaky little chipmunks. Everything went in late and as a result, my zucchini just started blooming a few weeks ago. You know. In August. My summer squash, zone 5, typically comes in ready to harvest by June. Juuuust a bit late, yes Jen?<br />
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I had all but given up hope and resigned to learn from my mistakes and try again next year when one day, I went out there one day to grab some Moonglow 'maters and noticed a stretch of dark green peeking up at me from under those huge, giant zucchini leaves. Sure enough, when I swept them back, I found this.<br />
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Blessed be thy giant zucchini. The kiddos were so excited we took pictures with the thing. And then we promptly decided it was time to make bread.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">This recipe is adapted from <a href="http://ironoakfarm.blogspot.com/2014/09/zucchini-bread.html" target="_blank">Iron Oak Farm,</a> a delightful little blog I follow on Pinterest and Etsy. </span></i><br />
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Ingredients:<br />
3 cups of flour<br />
1 cup sugar<br />
1 tsp salt<br />
2 tsp cinnamon<br />
1 tsp baking soda<br />
1/2 tsp baking powder<br />
3 eggs<br />
1/2 cup olive oil<br />
1/2 cup coconut oil<br />
1/2 cup honey<br />
1 tsp vanilla<br />
2 1/2 cups zucchini (see below on how to prep it)<br />
1 cup raisins (optional)<br />
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Zucchini Prep: <i>Now once upon a time I read you needed to shred your zucchini by hand with a cheese grater. This, dear readers, is about as fun as shredding 5 blocks of cheese or 4 bars of soap. Anything that requires me to use a cheese grater automatically makes me want to punch myself in the face. So here is how I do it instead:</i><br />
1. Cut the zucchini in half longways<br />
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2. Scoop out the seeds (you can save these for planting next year if you grow heirloom!)<br />
3. Cut the zucchini into smaller pieces<br />
4. Throw the pieces into a blender and/or food processor and pulse, pulse, baby<br />
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That's it. I don't add water, I just pulse away. I tamp stubborn chunks down between pulses so they get good and shredded. If I have more than 2 1/2 cups of zucchini, I toss the extra in a baggie, write how much is in there on the baggie (this helps later, trust me), and freeze it for the winter. Taa-daa! :)<br />
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Directions:<br />
1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and move your oven rack to the highest position possible. The higher you bake in your oven the more even your stuff bakes!<br />
2. Grease two bread loaf pans - I use butter but you can use anything slick. <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">*heh heh heh*</span></i><br />
3. Mix up all your wet ingredients - this includes the eggs, olive oil, coconut oil, honey, vanilla, and zucchini.<br />
4. In a bigger bowl mix up all your dry ingredients - so your flour, sugar, salt, cinnamon, baking soda, and baking powder.<br />
5. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix until well blended. If you like raisins in your bread, add them now. It'll look pretty liquidy and that's perfectly ok....great, even.<br />
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6. Pour half your batter into one loaf pan and the other half into the other loaf pan.<br />
7. Bake for 60-75 minutes. You'll know it's done if you can shove a toothpick in there and have it come out clean. I like to live dangerously and go based on color and smell alone - a nice, deep, golden color combined with that perfect "not quite burned but soon to be" smell means it's ready. Or, you know, toothpicks n' stuff. <br />
8. Let the bread rest in their pans for a little while then turn the pans over onto a cooling rack or clean towel and let everything cool down. You can eat some now and burn yourself like I always do - yes, it's worth it. <br />
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This bread freezes really, really well so if you think it'll stick around long enough, go ahead and put that second loaf into the freezer or gift it away like the angel you are. In my 3-girl-household we usually eat an entire loaf in about 2 days. Yep. Not even a little ashamed.<br />
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Best, Easiest Zucchini Bread Ever<br />
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Ingredients</div>
<span itemprop="amount">3 cups </span> <span itemprop="name"> Flour</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1 cup </span> <span itemprop="name"> Sugar</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1 tsp </span> <span itemprop="name"> Salt</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">2 tsp </span> <span itemprop="name"> Cinnamon</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1 tsp </span> <span itemprop="name"> Baking soda</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1/2 tsp </span> <span itemprop="name"> Baking powder</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">3 </span> <span itemprop="name"> Eggs</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1/2 cup </span> <span itemprop="name"> Olive oil</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1/2 cup </span> <span itemprop="name"> Coconut oil</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1/2 cup </span> <span itemprop="name"> Honey</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1 tsp </span> <span itemprop="name"> Vanilla</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">2 1/2 cups </span> <span itemprop="name"> Zucchini</span><br />
<span itemprop="amount">1 cup </span> <span itemprop="name"> Raisins (optional)</span><br />
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Instructions</div>
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<span class="instruction">1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees</span><span class="instruction">2. Grease two bread loaf pans</span><span class="instruction">3. Mix up all your wet ingredients</span><span class="instruction">4. In a bigger bowl mix up all your dry ingredients </span><span class="instruction">5. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix until well blended. If you like raisins in your bread, add them now.</span><span class="instruction">6. Pour half your batter into one loaf pan and the other half into the other loaf pan.</span><span class="instruction">7. Bake for 60-75 minutes. </span><br />
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<span class="instruction">Found on Flaws, Forgiven: http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/09/best-easiest-zucchini-bread-ever.html</span></div>
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What are some of your favorite fall recipes, dear readers? I'd love to hear them in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading :)</div>
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<br />Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-58839543442234281922016-08-22T16:43:00.001-07:002016-08-22T16:43:41.841-07:00Be Too Busy to Be BusySo I pull up to the preschool drop off line this morning and the little one, all of four years old now, starts squirming. She remembers this moment from last year......<i>this</i> is the moment Mama drops the charade and allows her baby girl to do what every young kid was designed to do and craves to do with every fiber of her little being....<br />
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.....run amok in a moving vehicle without a seat belt on.<br />
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This careless, reckless behavior is our little tradition. We pull up, I unbuckle her, she jumps out of her seat, and she wanders around the truck free from restraints and dictatorship and discipline as we crawl closer and closer to the front of the line. Sometimes I'll tap the breaks and she'll giggle her butt off as she slides back and forth on the seat. Sometimes she'll sit on my lap and steer. Sometimes I let her play with the radio and she'll always end up on a song she knows and she'll look at me with wide, happy eyes and start shakin her little tush. This is her wild child time, guaranteed, every morning before preschool.<br />
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Today was particularly exciting because it was the first day of preschool. She was peering out the back window and waving at all of her friends, almost unhinged at the idea that yes, Rosie really still does exist after all this time. Once her buddies got bored and stopped waving back, my little one occupied herself by waving at everyone and anyone who passed by. Some parents. A pastor. The gardener guy. And one man carrying a folder and moving at a purposeful speed.<br />
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"Mama," my baby said. "Mama, that man didn't wave at me."<br />
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I just looked at her, wanting to see what her reaction would be. Would she cry? Would she smile anyways? Had she become so emotionally developed that her feelings were now capable of being hurt by strangers? I held my commentary, waiting.<br />
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Her big blue eyes follow him into the building and she pressed her little lips together. "He's just too busy," she said with a frustrating sigh.<br />
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She immediately began hopping up and down on one foot and asking me for chapstick, unfazed, the man already forgotten...but I fixated on her comment. I looked toward the door the man had disappeared into and couldn't help but wonder how many waves I'd missed in my years and years of being busy.<br />
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I think all too often we tell ourselves, <i>"Smell the roses? I'll get to it." </i>We let our responsibilities rule our lives and our obligations take up our free time. I still behave as if I'm invincible, walking around with all the time in the world, decades away from my deathbed and that pivotal moment when it's all gonna come down to <i>how many roses I actually stopped to smell</i>.<br />
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The balancing act of me time and free time and her time and his time and work time and play time is so exhausting and overwhelming I end up dedicating myself to the most pressing need at the moment...and more often than not, that's making money. I can't tell you how many times this summer I've told my beautiful babies I cannot lay down with them, or read more books, or talk, or play, because Mommy has to work. Or clean. Or cook. Sometimes I feel validated. We all need money, right? My job allows them to have a good, stable, secure life. They need a clean home. They deserve fresh, healthy meals. But I'd be a liar if I didn't tell you I sometimes get horribly stuck on the question, <i>"If this was the last day of my life, would I be happy with how I chose to live it?"</i><br />
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Now, I get it. It's not realistic to live every day like I'm dying because if I did it would be liquor-laced ice cream, dolphin rides, and living out of a van while driving cross-country and singing along to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack.<br />
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But I do believe there are ways to improve our current mentality of being "too busy" to be happy. Being busy doing things you don't enjoy is quite literally the definition of busywork. Busywork isn't as productive as we think it is and at the end we're left feeling like we've wasted so much precious time. I am fairly certain we'd all rather be smelling pretty flowers and waving at children than working and washing clothes and being submerged in the mundane and impossibly trivial parts of our lives...but how do we make that happen? How do we reverse the dynamic? How can we become too busy doing the things we love to be busy doing the things we hate?<br />
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Like any good procrastinator and/or slacker, I have to <b>schedule new habits</b> into existence. That's right. If I want to start a new physical fitness program, or write more, or even, yes, spend time with my kids and chickens, I have to place it on my calendar. That's what makes it official, you see. Not my deep desire to make those things happen. Not some otherworldly support or push in the right direction. Nope. For me, new habits only truly begin to take shape when they've got their own little color-coded square on my Google calendar.<br />
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You might not like calendars. You might like journaling. You might like refrigerator poetry magnets. You might like affirmations. You might like phone apps. You might be one of those <strike>insane</strike> highly-regarded internal thinkers who can just make their mind up about something and then whammo, it's your new reality. Whatever your flavor, reversing a habit and creating a new way of interacting with your life requires reminders. Lots and lots of reminders. So get your Tumbler feed ready and your motivational pictures printed and on your wall...you'll need them.<br />
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Sometimes <i>(and by sometimes I mean every single time) </i>I try and change everything too quickly. Instead of delicately maneuvering myself into a better future, I cannonball into it from 3,000 feet above. I want to spend more time with my kids? No problem. I'll just plan 10 to 50 activities for us to do over Christmas Break and volunteer for every single position available at their schools and spend hours yelling at myself when I don't hit every item on the kid-friendly summertime bucket list. That's the way to do it, Jen. Be a better mom by lighting yourself on fire.<br />
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The better way? <b>Think big-picture, act small scale.</b> Realize that the little things, even something as simple as a three-minute conversation with your pre-pre-teen before she goes to bed, can drastically change how connected you feel. You don't need to go crazy making all the changes for all the things all the time....start slowly, with small things, little by little. Take five minutes away from work to make yourself tea or eat a banana without looking at a screen. Actually sit down and focus on your food instead of trying to schedule appointments and check email and check Facebook. Leave your phone in your purse while you pump gas. Let yourself do one thing at a time every now and then. Give yourself permission to let your mind wander. Give yourself permission to become completely engrossed in one simple thing at a time...and let that thing be the thought, person, or activity that means the most to you at that moment. Get busy being simple.<br />
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Of course, old habits die hard. I can't even tell you how many times I've revamped my goals and tried to be a better mom, a better gardener, a better friend. I am constantly needing to bring myself back to the roots of who I am and reevaluate what it is that makes me happy. I kinda feel like this is normal....I mean, as we change, we grow, right? And as we grow, our needs evolve....I no longer need to marry Leonardo DiCaprio to die a happy woman, for example. Things change. <i>Things change, Leo. </i><br />
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Don't stress if you fall back into old habits. When you find yourself again tied down for all the wrong reasons, take it as a sign that it's time to <b>check in with yourself</b> and identify what makes you happy. Maybe you're falling back into old habits because you're sad, or bored, or simply not paying attention. Whatever the reason, forgive yourself, get back on the Busy Living wagon, and roll on.<br />
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This little dance called Work-Life Balance is a tough one to learn and an even harder one to practice. We're surrounded by compromised ideals and a slew of propaganda specifically tailored to make us feel bad for not doing it all, all the time. The result? We fight to do it all, all the time, and we miss the important stuff...you know. Like blue-eyed kid waves. And hott boys at traffic lights. And roses that need sniffing. But hope is not lost. We simply need to teach ourselves how to dance in a world designed for dying. We need to be too busy<i> living </i>to be busy wasting time on things we can't extract joy from. We need to fill our lives with moments where we just take our seat belts off and <i>dance</i>.<br />
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What about you, dear readers? How do you find balance? What areas are you trying to work on? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you for reading :)</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-50809684516507393422016-08-14T20:50:00.000-07:002016-08-14T20:56:52.876-07:00How to Deal with Painful PeopleShe talked you down after your first heartbreak. He made you smile in the kitchen that one Christmas when you were so stressed out and sick all you wanted to do was cry. She gave you her cucumbers each and every time because she knew you loved them so much. He listened to your worst, darkest confessions and kissed you anyways. She gently ran her nails up and down your arm for hours and gave you the very best goosebumps. He held your hand and whispered praise while you birthed his children.<br />
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And then these people, these moments you once cherished and can still recall with such clarity, they become bathed in red and confusion. The metamorphosis of someone you love becoming someone you do not recognize, someone who would so easily tear at your happiness in a way only they would know to do, that reality tosses you into a place you don't recognize. Sometimes the change is instant, jarring, like a stab wound, deep and wide and open. Sometimes the change is slow, gradual, like an infection that started with something small and seemingly insignificant but then spreads and eats its way through your flesh. Either way, the pain is indescribable. Such betrayal leaves you breathless. Such hate leaves you searching for answers. Such insanity leaves you questioning your judgement.<br />
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But you're not crazy. I promise. The presence of painful people in your life does not render you incapable, or weak, or worthless, or disgusting, or stupid, or any of the things you might say to yourself, or the painful people in your life might say with their actions and words.<br />
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Painful people, I am realizing, are simply a part of life. They will find you no matter what you do. They could be a stranger. They could be a sibling. They could be someone you married. The random, terrifying ability of someone to change on a dime and become capable of inflicting inexplicable harm is not something we can predict, I don't care how fancy your tarot deck is.<br />
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So that's the first step in dealing with painful people: <b>Know that the harm they cause is not your fault. </b>You do not deserve to feel pain. You do not deserve hate. And most importantly, there is nothing you could've done to prevent the painful people in your life from causing harm.<br />
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Do you remember when Nancy Kerrigan got whammied by that stupid blonde chick's hitman or whatever? I was a little girl when I watched her on tv screaming again and again, "<i>why, why..</i>." I've done a fantastic impression of that very moment, real-time, way more than I care to admit. It's human nature to want to know why. I want to know why. I want answers.<br />
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<i>But there are no answers.</i> Step two: <b>Accept that there are no answers.</b> The painful people in your life made up their mind to act exactly how they are acting and you'll get no help from playing the <i>why</i> and <i>what if</i> game. And if you're anything like me what I just wrote won't stop you from asking those questions anyways so here you go - here are the only answers to be had:<br />
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Why are people painful? Because they are miserable.<br />
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Why are they miserable? Because they allow themselves to be.<br />
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These painful people are not reflections of your abilities. They are not reflections of your judgement. <i>They are not reflections of you. </i><br />
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Every broken relationship was once whole. And the shattered pieces of every relationship, if you look closely, are speckled with the remnants and hopes and dreams that take us so high, make us think we are invincible, lead us to believe real, lasting destruction is impossible and love will always overcome. And there's only one truth in all of that....love will always overcome. Just very likely not in the way you expect it to.<br />
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This is the time to keep your eyes wide open and search for the love. Remember <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/07/creating-best-summer-of-your-life.html" target="_blank">that juxtaposition</a> I talked about a few weeks ago? Every time there's dark, there's light. Find the light. Step three: <b>Seek out the light. </b>Before you even start to think about how you're going to deal with the painful people in your life, hold fast to your light. <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/06/building-confidence-as-anxious-single.html" target="_blank">Find your confidence</a>. Seriously, reread <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2016/06/building-confidence-as-anxious-single.html" target="_blank">that confidence post</a>. Get back to standing on your own two sexy feet. You're going to need it.<br />
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Painful people thrive on inflicting pain. Sometimes they are outwardly proud of it, sometimes they are in denial, sometimes they don't even realize how much they enjoy repeating behaviors that suffocate, stifle, and strangle those around them. Sometimes they are otherwise good people that truly just for whatever reason want to harm you. Whatever their modus operandi, you've gotta realize the results, regardless of the reasons, are always the same: you are in pain, they are thriving off it. Excuses cannot work here. Step four is to <b>cast out your excuses for that person.</b> He may be great at math. She may donate regularly to your favorite charity. You may love his parents. She may be a good person, deep, deep down. <u>Irrelevant.</u> What matters right now is that he is harming you and consequently, is no better than a common criminal (who, in all fairness, would at least outwardly admit he wants to cause you pain).<br />
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That's one of the hardest parts, I think....setting fire to those memories and moving past what once <i>was</i> so you can fully accept what actually <i>is</i>. What's <i>actually</i> happening is someone is trying to tear you apart. What's <i>actually</i> happening is you are being threatened and will be eaten alive unless you act defensively. And, dear readers, painful people do not play fair. The more they know you, the deeper they will cut you. The more vulnerable you allowed yourself to be with them, the more open and exposed and trusting you were of them, the quicker they are capable of gutting you. This is a dirty, dirty game that often results in simply cutting the infected person out of your life forever. In some cases, however, cutting the painful people out of your life isn't possible. Game plans are key.<br />
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There's a stack of bricks waiting within each of us, piled up in the corners of our heart, patiently holding out for the day we need them for protection. Slowly, surely, these bricks become our internal fortress against those who seek to harm us, tear us down, make us feel like we are nothing. Slowly, surely, one by one, we need to slam these bricks down and knock the dust off our self-worth. The wall doesn't need to exist all the time, or be impenetrable to everybody, but to the painful people in your life, the wall needs to become a reality. No more letting the painful people in and out of your life at their whim. No more answering their cries of change and commitment with love and understanding.<b> </b>Step five is to<b> build your wall.</b> It's a sad step but it needs to be done, lovely readers. You are not this person's friend. They are purposely harming you. Write down your boundaries. Write down topics you will and will not share. Write down what they are and are not allowed to know about you. Create your boundaries and be prepared to defend them. If there's one thing a painful person doesn't like, it's learning<i> they actually really did lose access to you in every way imaginable</i>. It will be game on once they realize what they lost.<br />
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And this is where the best step comes into play. What is the most beautiful, serene way to communicate with another person? It's your smile, gorgeous. Your smile lights up the room. It stops hearts. It forces people to pause and wonder. Your smile conveys your strength, your ability to see beyond this trivial, momentary blip on the radar of life. Your smile communicates that these painful people cannot defeat you. You are unstoppable. You are unbreakable. And this person, this person who wishes to see you cry, who wishes to see you fall, will only see you smile as you rise. Step six is to<b> smile</b>. Smile at the painful people in your life and know that despite them and the pain they choose to inflict, you are protected and you are loved and they will never conquer you.<br />
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Now, I'm no fool. I know what it means to cry into my pillow and I know that need to call someone you love just to take a few deep breaths. I know what it's like to lose countless hours of sleep and I know what it's like to despise yourself for all the wrong reasons. I know what it's like to smile even though you are literally breaking inside.<br />
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But the point is <i>they'll never know one way or another</i>. The painful people in your life don't get that power anymore...the ability to control when you're happy and when you're sad. They don't get to see the results of their efforts; whether executed out of tenderness or spite, their actions will always end with the same reaction - indifference. They cannot phase you. They cannot beat you. Cuz let's face it......<b>you've already won. </b><br />
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Do you have painful people in your life, dear readers? How do you deal with them? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading :)</div>
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<br />Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-43673936084045840072016-08-01T14:54:00.000-07:002016-08-01T15:00:00.738-07:00Best Ever Homemade Blueberry MuffinsIt's blueberry season. This is a good thing because it is also back-to-school season, aka the mysterious and unavoidable Month of Target Shopping Rage. Everyone needs the same crayons, people. Let's be friends. Blueberry season helps to counterbalance the horror of deciphering supply lists...the little blue orbs are adorable <i>and</i> deliciously healthy. They are great in smoothies, on pancakes, or as I'm about to show you, in these muffins.<br />
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Now when I tell you this is the best ever homemade blueberry muffin recipe, I mean this is quite literally the best homemade muffin recipe ever recorded, ever. I've tried many, many recipes, dear readers, and this one takes the cupcake <i>(meheh heh)</i>. Bonus - these muffins are very easy, require very little time to make, and store so well. The storage factor is important because I'm no saint in the breakfast department; I rarely make my kids a special breakfast because I am typically <strike>wanting to jump off my roof</strike> pretty sleepy in the morning. I shouldn't be operating things like skillets and gas stovetops before I've had my tea. These muffins allow me to give my kiddos something special without actually cooking anything. I can practically feel the Mom of the Year award in my hands!<br />
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***Quick note about blueberries***<br />
I have some lovely, young blueberry bushes in my backyard. We ate all the berries right right off the bush long before we could gather enough for this recipe. I could buy fresh berries from the grocery store but those buggers are super expensive, especially the organic ones I insist on getting....so I buy frozen. The tricky thing about frozen blueberries is that they are all wet and juicy - so I use a little less than 1 cup of them for this recipe. If I used fresh berries I could use up to 1 1/2 cups of them if I wanted, it just depends on berry size and wetness factor <i>(giggity)</i>. You don't want your batter too wet or it won't bake right.<br />
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<b>Ingredients</b></div>
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<b>(makes 12)</b></div>
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6 Tbsp butter</div>
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1 1/2 cups flour</div>
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3/4 cups sugar</div>
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1 1/2 tsp baking powder</div>
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3/4 tsp salt</div>
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1/3 cup whole milk</div>
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2 large eggs</div>
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1 tsp vanilla extract</div>
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1-ish cup blueberries</div>
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<b>How to Make 'Em</b></div>
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1. Grease your muffin tins or pop those paper babies in there.</div>
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2. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Adjust your oven racks so you have one kinda high up - bake higher in the oven to get a more even bake on your stuff. I swear it works. </div>
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3. Melt the butter in a small pan until it is barely melted, then remove the pan from the heat and let it cool a little teeny bit.</div>
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4. Combine your dry ingredients (flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt) and whisk until fully blended.</div>
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5. Add melted butter, milk, eggs, and vanilla and mix gently until combined. This stuff gets stuck to my whisk so sometimes I use a fork or a spoon. Don't overmix or else!</div>
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6. Gently fold in blueberries. Stop and admire your blue fingers for a minute, then continue. </div>
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7. Spoon into muffin tins and wipe off any spills. I fill 'em up until they're almost full because I don't like doing half batches with leftover batter <i>because I am lazy</i>. Also, purple batter rules. </div>
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8. This is prime lick time, so if that's as much your thing as it is mine, go to town. </div>
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9. Bake for 18-20 minutes until brown. If you have purple batter like me just poke em a little and pay close attention to the edges, they will show the nice brown color you're looking for. </div>
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10. You can try not to eat them all at once or you can accept that this is heaven in muffin form and just allow yourself to fall into the deliciousness. Feeling competitive? My record is 12 in 2 hours. Bring it. </div>
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Pin this recipe for later:</div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Recipe adapted from Santa's North Pole Cookbook by Jeff Guinn</span></i></div>
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I would love to hear your favorite blueberry recipes in the comments down below, dear readers, and as always, thank you so much for reading :)</div>
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-28095452235854762272016-07-25T17:37:00.000-07:002016-07-26T07:31:03.009-07:00Creating the Best Summer of Your Life<i>Best summer of our lives,</i> he said. I hadn't spoken to him in over ten years. Our reunion came via Facebook, of course, the almighty finder of long lost friends and faded memories. The little red notification popped up last winter and I thumbed my way through the menu, fully prepared to ignore yet another request from yet another person I didn't really know or want to explain my life to. But then there he was. <i>Hi, Jen. How are you?</i> I saw his picture and memories flittered into my mind like butterfly wings.<br />
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I worked on the ranch during summer break from college. I'd just completed freshman year and I wanted the money and I wanted to ride horses and I wanted all the fame and fortune that went with being a wrangler at a summer camp and vacation lodge in small-town Missouri. It was the first time I was bucked off a horse. It was the first time I rode on the back of a flatbed truck, my legs dangling off the edge and my borrowed paddock boots dragging in the dirt. I ate cheesy potatoes for breakfast every morning. I woke up before dawn with a scratchy throat and would walk down the dew-slicked road yawning and rubbing my eyes. I fed horses, saddled horses, rode horses, kept little kids from falling off horses, but mostly I sweat a lot. Eventually the sun would fall and I'd slowly haul myself back up to my cabin, the sound of crickets and frogs cheering me on, or laughing at me, I could never tell which. I'd get there, climb into the shower stall we had tucked into a closet, check for ticks, wash, rinse, and repeat it all the next day.<br />
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<i>That was the best summer of our lives,</i> he said.<br />
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You know how a manual car feels when you stall out? That neck-breaking jerking motion, back and forth, back and forth? His comment hit me kinda like that.<br />
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Best summer of my life? I mean yes, I rode around pretty hills and sang around campfires with pretty people and ran through wildflowers on the backs of beautiful animals....but I also rode around drunk in cars with boys I didn't know and was a free-falling passenger in a camaro that ramped a guardrail and flipped over 3 times before hitting a tree outside a meth trailer in the middle of nowhere. I backtalked my boss and went 110 mph in a 45 and ruined a friendship and got involved with a bad guy and went to work still drunk from the night before and by the time that summer was over, I was glad to be rid of it all. The sludge of a few bad experiences coated my memory of the place and turned it bitter and black.<br />
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But to him, it <i>was the best summer of our lives</i>. <br />
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He was there, too, he experienced all those things I mentioned above. It was his car that carried everyone from the totaled camaro to the hospital 45 minutes away. It was his smart comebacks I stole to tell my boss off and his foot on the petal that took us to 110 and his girlfriend I hurt so badly and his best friend who treated me like dirt and his ID that bought the beer. He experienced all the things that stained my perspective. But he didn't see black. His memories of that time shone bright, not a smudge in sight. He chose to accept the bad and celebrate the good.<br />
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Every element of life has this jarring juxtaposition of light and dark, love and death, peace and anxiety. They turn on each other and cycle around you and can spin you around so badly that you sometimes don't know which way is up. The contrasts in life are everywhere, from the trivial stuff to big time life events.<br />
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<b>Eating:</b> Fresh, organic food <i>vs</i> ice cream and beer<br />
You eat healthy to stay strong but then eating healthy becomes deprivation and deprivation overpowers your strength.<br />
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<b>Exercise:</b> Strong, healthy body <i>vs</i> finally sitting down<br />
You work out to feel better but then working out becomes a chore and you resent your own health.<br />
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<b>Children:</b> Chubby cheek kisses <i>vs </i>freedom<br />
You love holding little hands and kissing boo-boos but there's more to life than playdates and crumbs on your feet and when, oh when, are they ever going to stop screaming.<br />
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<b>Relationships: </b>Partnership <i>vs</i> independence<br />
You love your partner and can't do without them but then sometimes, often suddenly, you're forced to do without them and you're angry you ever allowed yourself to need them that badly in the first place.<br />
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<b>People:</b> Hatred <i>vs</i> love<br />
You watch towers fall and hear shots ring out and smell the fire of disgust burning but then watch entire nations rally around the fallen and inspire change.<br />
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We experience these cycles of good and bad all the time....the outcomes of our day are tossed into the air at random intervals, flipping our lives around with little to no explanation. It is easy to get sucked into the sometimes overwhelming sadness of our routines and surroundings. Same day, same job, same frustration. Same terrorism, same politics, same dying planet.<br />
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It's easy to find the darkness.<i> Every time something looks up, something comes crashing down.</i> We finally have a black president but racism is more rampant than ever. We've finally learned that monocropping is killing our nation but our farmers are financially powerless to stop it. My kids can finally talk to me and tell me what they need but now they won't be quiet. That's a lotta sludge leaking onto my perspective, wouldn't you say?<br />
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<b>The key is to find the light.</b> <i>Every time something comes crashing down, something looks up. </i>Racism is more rampant than ever but we are finally publicizing, acknowledging, and talking about its existence. Farmers are financially powerless to stop monocropping but communities are noticing this and setting up local, cooperatively-owned grocery stores to allow farmers to save themselves and our food system. My kids won't be quiet but they have voices and healthy bodies and are strong enough to speak and be heard and sing songs and tell me I look pretty when I wake up.<br />
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When darkness surrounds the people and places around us, we need to consciously seek out the light.<br />
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<b>Accept</b><br />
Allow yourself to feel as much as you need to feel. It's ok to sit in the dark for a little if you want. Embrace it, allow it to envelop you, and then realize to move forward, you need to accept that there will always be darkness to battle. Darkness is what makes the light shine so brightly. We need it.<br />
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<b>Redirect</b><br />
Find a talisman. It could be a song, a person, a book, a place...hell it could even be one of those "25 Pics That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity" links. Find something or someone that you can embrace and will remind you that pain is temporary, laughter heals everything, and light can always be found. Go to them during moments of darkness.<br />
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<b>Practice</b><br />
The more you practice a positive perspective, the easier it becomes. I get swamped by emotion when I feel things....I mean swamped. I get into that accept stage and I just let the feelings wash over my head and I sit there, submerged, for sometimes too long. This is where having a practiced routine helps to pull you out of the blackness. It's easier to find the light switch at night when you've been in the room ahead of time and made a point to look for it. Keep your happy thoughts close by....written down, pinned, frozen in the freezer, or saved on speed dial....and add to them each and every day.<br />
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<b>Follow </b><br />
If you look, and I mean really look, you'll see that nature never fights the cycle. Night breaks to dawn. Prey feeds the predator. Life lost is life gained. The cycle never stops, not even when we, as flawed humans, get stuck. Nature follows the rhythm and sets the perfect example for us...there is both comfort and pain in knowing life continues with or without you. Strive to realize that your participation will only make things better, especially for those around you.<br />
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<b>Courage</b><br />
Fearing the inevitable is about as wasteful as a Donald Trump cue card. The only certainty in life is that at some point, everyone will return to the earth. So we have a choice......spend our entire lives fearing that the worst will happen until the worst finally does happen, or live each day refusing to be scared of the inevitable and feel the rich, full pleasure of a mind that is freed up and allowed to feel true joy. Might be the easiest choice you have to make all day.<br />
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<b>Find</b><br />
Do like Mister Rogers and look for the helpers. I promise you will find them. Sometimes it's really easy to spot the people who are helping, other times you need to seek them out of the peaceful places they've stashed themselves. Read their books, participate in their conversations, visit with them often, and ask how you can help.<br />
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<b>Act</b><br />
Start a conversation about change. Climb the side of a mountain. Go to a movie. Be someone's kind moment. Leave the house (seriously, get out of the house). Realize that just by being you, you might be making someone's summer <i>the best summer</i> of his life....and consequently, perhaps even the best summer of your own. Be determined to live as if you had only days left to do so...because in all actuality, that's all we're really given. Balance your responsibilities with the gravity of our temporary existence and don't be afraid to take risks and jump every now and then.<br />
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I'll end by saying this one last little piece.......when you find your true moments of joy, when you get that crystal-clear perspective that all is going to be ok, relish it without abandon. This eyes-wide-open, big-picture attitude doesn't last long and before you know it, you'll be angry that some guy cut you off and worrying about what to make for dinner again. And that's ok, that's the way it should be. That is life...life that emerges, as always, from darkness.<br />
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What do you do to combat despair, dear readers? When you find yourself feeling run down and pushed to the edge by the sadness in our world, where do you go? Who do you talk to? What is your escape and how do you find your light again? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading. </div>
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<i>This post is dedicated to the most balanced seat I've ever seen....Bo, you were taken too soon. To me you'll always be riding the hills of Potosi, singing Rascal Flatts harmonies and making me go first so I catch all the cobwebs. Enjoy your ride in the clouds, darling friend. </i><br />
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Jen Ludhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07792655854078025224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8196095076005828992.post-87868725180138531002016-07-18T16:51:00.001-07:002020-11-04T09:33:30.513-08:00How to Spot a Rooster...and What to Do With Him It's that time of year again, lovely readers. The time of year when spring chicks start.....showing their true colors. This spring I purchased 10 beautiful pullets, or females, of various winter-hearty breeds and color variations. I knew I had a 10% chance of getting a rooster instead of a hen and I did not care. It wasn't gonna happen to me this year. I just knew it wouldn't.<br />
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You see, as some of you may remember, <a href="http://flawsforgiven.blogspot.com/2015/04/homesteading-like-jerk-how-to-pick.html" target="_blank">I had this problem last year</a>. The beautiful white rock pullet I bought turned out to be a white rock rooster, complete with crowing and aggressive behavior. Poor Gandalf the White became a most magical stew.<br />
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So it couldn't happen to me this year, right? I mean, pssssh, I got that crazy risk of roo realized and over with last year. This year was going to be different.<br />
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Meet Conan, my Easter Egger....rooster.<br />
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I had a sneaking suspicion about Conan from the very beginning. I mean, with a name like Conan, how can you fight the power of manliness. He was doomed from the start.<br />
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But then today, as I let my babies free range under the glorious July sun, I took a good look at Tater, my Buff Orpington.<br />
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<i> Hmm, </i>I thought. <i>Lookin a little masculine there, Tater. </i>Sure enough, the longer I looked, the longer I realized.....I didn't just get one rooster this year. <b>I got two roosters this year.</b><br />
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I had to formulate a plan....and if you raise chickens, you should have a plan, too. <i>Because roosters happen. </i><br />
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Let's start with making sure you have a rooster. One of the trickiest things about poultry is that as babies, they all look the same. Chicken sexers (real job, real job title) are incredibly rare and the job is difficult, hence the 10% failure rate in determining boy from girl. Chickens don't really start exhibiting gender-identifying traits until they start getting their feathers...and even then, it can be extremely hard to tell the difference.<br />
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Here's what I look for:<br />
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1. Size: This is the <i>biggest</i> hint in my experience <i>(see what I did there...). </i>All 3 roosters I've landed were big as chicks; they grew faster and were larger than the other babies born on/around the same day. This trick isn't as helpful when you have a mixed flock...Buff Orpingtons, for example, are almost always larger than Wyandottes. My Easter Egger chicks were huge compared to the Rocks and Wyandottes. That being said, one of my Easter Egger chicks (guess which one!) was larger than the other...and they hatched on the same day. Bigger doesn't always mean roo, but in my case, all of my roosters were larger chicks.<br />
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2. Strut: This is another one you just kinda notice. Absolutely nothing scientific about a strut, I get it, but it's a real thing, I swear. Gandalf, my white rock <i>(pictured in crock pot, above, and below, as a chick)</i>, held himself above the other chicks from the moment I brought him home. His neck was always high, his chest out. He looked proud 24/7. Conan wasn't as "proud looking" but was noticeably statuesque compared to the other chicks. I mean, look at him <i>(second picture below)</i> at 8 weeks. Proud little struttin boys.<br />
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3. Feet: My roosters have enormous feet. In the next picture I circled Conan's foot and the foot of a hen standing directly behind him. Rooster feet are thick and huge and again, when you compare them to the feet of other birds born on/around the same day, they are typically larger.<br />
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4. Combs: This one is tricky. I have hens with huge combs. My roosters, however, develop their combs quicker. If you have a rose-comb breed, like Wyandottes or Easter Eggers, a rooster typically has a 3-row-rose comb<i> (see giant, ironically-pink arrow in picture below)</i>. Single combs (one line right down the center) are harder to really peg as rooster or hen, but again, my roosters all developed their combs at a faster pace.<br />
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5. Saddle Feathers: That area of a chicken's back, right before the tail and a little behind the wings, is where a saddle would sit. Roosters develop saddle feathers that waterfall down and end in points instead of curves. Check it out - see how Taters feathers are starting to fall down and away from his body? See how they are pointy? Hens have saddle feathers too but they don't do that cascade-thing and they are curved on the edges.<br />
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6. Tail feathers: This was the second clue Conan gave me...he developed these gorgeous green feathers that started to fall downward, pointing to the ground. A hen can have long tail feathers, too, but they typically do not arc away from her body all dramatic-like. Conan's tail feathers are huge and long and beautiful, while Triss, the Partridge Rock behind him, has tail feathers that end rather abruptly.<br />
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7. Crow: This is the only surefire, 100% accurate way to know you've got a roo. All the other tricks mentioned above are just that...tricks. Sometimes hens have feathers that look pointy. Sometimes roosters are smaller as babies. You will never truly know for sure what gender your bird is until you step back and look at the whole bird....if 4 out of 6 clues point to rooster, then you likely have a roo....but there's always a chance she ends up being a hen. Unless it crows. If it crows, you're done. Rootown.</div>
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Let's say you're an Overconfident Jen and you've got a rooster. What can you do with him?</div>
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<b>Cook Him</b></div>
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This is my first choice. I love my birds, but it's my job as a responsible chicken owner to provide them with a good, happy, natural life <b>in exchange for their eggs and eventual sacrifice</b>. They work for me, not the other way around. Hens die and roosters happen and I refuse to let that life go to waste.</div>
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Gandalf was delicious. He was the first bird I processed myself and it was not pretty or easy. There are lots of YouTube videos and tutorials out there. They are helpful but I can almost guarantee the first time you do it, you'll take a minute to get it done. I've since found a couple places nearby that will process my birds for me, one at a time if needed, for about $5 a bird. I will gladly pay $5 to get the job done quickly and proficiently. If you don't process many birds, this might be a great option for you. Don't know where to start? Ask the farmers selling meat at you local farmer's market where they process their birds. I had two farmers help me find a local processor and one farmer even offered to take my birds along with hers during her monthly run. </div>
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Now before you go throwing your fresh-plucked boy into the oven, understand you can't just cook a rooster like any other chicken. They are big and muscular birds and if you feed them well, they don't typically develop very much fat....so their meat is tough. Low and slow is the key to making the meat tender enough to eat. I let my rooster sit for at least 2 days in the fridge before tossing him in the crock pot. Roo meat is perfect for soup and sandwiches. Rest, low temp, slow cooking...these are the keys to a yummy rooster dinner.</div>
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<b>Give Him Up</b></div>
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I am a member of about 10 Facebook groups, 2 of which are local chicken groups. People post roosters on the group feeds all the time and depending on your breed, this might be a really great option with a significant number of interested chicken breeders. Posting your "purebred" roosters is also a great way to keep our heritage breeds alive and well. Sometimes 4-H kids need roosters for shows or to start their own flock. Sometimes a farmer needs a rooster because hers kicked the bucket and she needs protection for her remaining flock members. If you aren't looking to butcher your bird, consider finding a local chicken group and offering him up to a good home.</div>
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As with any online transaction with strangers, do your homework and try to make sure you're not giving up a good, healthy animal to illegal, immoral, inhumane gambling operations. I would kill a rooster with my bare hands before I sent him into a fighting ring to die a slow and painful death in the name of money. </div>
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<b>Keep Him</b></div>
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Little secret....I am going to try and keep Conan. He is so gorgeous and I would love to breed him with my other Easter Egger and make more Easter Egger babies. His life is in his own hands, however, as I can't keep an aggressive boy around. I also need to figure out a solution for that pesky crowing problem...my neighbors are not fans of rooster crows at 4AM. Perhaps some blue eggs would soothe them, hmm? We shall see.</div>
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Roosters are fantastic protectors. They are great at telling the hens where to eat and when to hide. Roosters are also very beautiful and can be kind, welcome additions to a flock. They complete a natural hierarchy that operates the way it would in the jungles our lovely chickens originated from. </div>
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But if you want to keep your rooster, be prepared for crowing 24/7, not just in the morning. Be prepared for a potentially aggressive animal that may attack kiddos and other animals. Be prepared for your hens to be mated with - roosters can be selective and hens do show physical signs of wear and tear. You can prevent babies by collecting eggs each day but if you free range, consider the sneaky, sneaky ways a hen can hide her eggs. Keeping a rooster isn't that difficult but it requires some additional planning to keep things running smoothly.</div>
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Finding out your hen is a rooster can make you feel like your egg dreams are dashed and your idealistic backyard flock of well-behaved, sweet girls is impossible....but roosters are not all horrible. Some can be very sweet, docile little gentleman who work hard to ensure your girls stay safe and happy. Other roosters....well. They can be damn delicious. </div>
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Do you have chickens? What is your rooster plan? If you don't have birds....tell me....about how many eggs would it take to keep you quiet about a rooster next door? I'd love to hear what you think in the comments down below and as always, thank you so much for reading!</div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">**Can't get enough homesteading? Check out the </span><a href="http://simplelifemom.com/2016/07/19/homestead-blog-hop-92/" style="text-align: left;" target="_blank">Homestead Blog Hop</a><span style="text-align: left;">, hosted by some of the best and most beautiful bloggers in the self-sufficiency world. This post, and many of my others, are shared on the </span><a href="http://simplelifemom.com/2016/07/19/homestead-blog-hop-92/" style="text-align: left;" target="_blank">Homestead Blog Hop</a><span style="text-align: left;"> each week. From breadmaking to seed selection, home-grown recipes to herbal health, the </span><a href="http://simplelifemom.com/2016/07/19/homestead-blog-hop-92/" style="text-align: left;" target="_blank">Homestead Blog Hop</a><span style="text-align: left;"> has it all! Enjoy! :)</span></div>
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