Friday, April 18, 2014

My Easter Bunny is a Lazy Piece of Crap

I'd like to start by admitting I'm not sure what you'd call me...

....a Christian? Hmmm. Not sure about this one. I stand behind abortions in cases of rape and incest, I love gays, and I do not believe my God, a loving, almighty God, would send mentally ill suicide victims straight to hell. So not sure I fit here. Depends on the Christian judging me I guess! :) 

...a Lutheran? This is the religion I was raised on. I loved my childhood church. I loved the lessons I learned there. I also love jeans...so yes. I suppose I could call myself a Lutheran....oh, except for one major thing. I haven't been to church in over five years. So I guess we can scratch that one, too.

...a woman doomed to spend eternity in hell? I certainly hope not! We'll find out some day, won't we?

For now, let me just lay it all out there:

Jen on God: I believe in a loving God. I am not what one would call a "God-fearing" woman. All that He does, He does with love. 

Jen on the Bible: I believe the Bible was intended to teach us about life and inspire us to draw meaning from the lessons of the past. Like all other things God created, I believe His lessons were intended to evolve. I do not take the text and apply it literally to my life....mainly because I really hate stoning people.

Jen on Jesus: I think Jesus rocks. He has an incredible story (shoutout to my homie the New Testament!) and has taught me and the world about some seriously important things. I think any day intended to honor him should be celebrated.

So there you have it. A brief little overview of Jen and religion. Not that complex, really. Fairly simple for Jen thoughts.

Now what does any of this have to do with the Easter Bunny? Some of you are undoubtedly thinking I used that catchy title to suck you in to a religious post. I can assure you this is not the case.

No - my objective is to express just how much I, the Queen of Not-So-Religious, have had it with the Easter Bunny. I had to explain all that religious stuff up there so you wouldn't go running for the hills, thinking I was going to go all Jesus Judgement on you. I am not a perfect Christian. I am not a perfect anything. But hear me out on the bunny thing.

Since when did Easter mean dropping a couple hundo on Easter candy, Easter eggs, Easter Barbies, and Easter dresses? Why do I feel the intense urge to buy, buy, buy for my kids like I'm stocking up for the Chocolate-No-More Apocalypse? 

This isn't the first time we've seen this, people. Look at Christmas for crying out loud. You want to know what Aaron and I did to Santa last year? We made him the chump of the season. You see, each Christmas prior, I found my oldest getting less and less grateful for the things she was receiving under the tree. She would open one present, say something about it being awesome, and then would jump to the next present. I got so fed up one year I actually cried about it (image that - Jen, crying? Can't be true!)....Aaron sat me down and said, "Hey, what if we just stop the Santa thing? I mean, what's the incentive behind being grateful when Santa's bringing all the presents? Santa isn't a person she can see or thank....so no wonder she isn't grateful. Even if she were to be grateful, it would be to this huge fake person that doesn't even exist."

*KER-PLOW* mind. blown.

So now Santa brings one thing, normally something kinda boring like paper (yes...I wrap paper and put it under the tree). We save the good stuff for "from Mommy and Daddy,"...because really, she needs to know these things came from us. She needs to appreciate our efforts, not the imaginary efforts of some weird old man.

And now our Santa trend, my dear readers, has stepped over into Easterland. 

That stupid bunny will be bringing one thing to my kids - hidden eggs. 


There will be no fake plastic grass that gets stuck hanging out of my cat's butt. No crazy bendy baskets that never look quite right. No "chocolate, chocolate everywhere, but Mommy's always eating our share!" Nope. No, instead my kids will wake up to some poorly-hidden eggs and an "Easter basket" with a few things from Mommy and Daddy - new bathing suits, matching inflatable $1 balls for the backyard, and brand new summertime nighties....2 out of 3 things I would've bought for them anyways later in the spring.

When you think about it, this entire holiday was built on the spiritual themes of renewal, life, and joy. What the heck are we doing giving our kids these huge sugar baskets from some crazy rabbit? 



Here Suzie, instead of renewal, life, and joy, I want you to remember Easter for its sugar, crappy toys, and creepy gift-bunny. Have a great life!

I get magic.....but isn't the magic of life enough? I love explaining how a chicken makes an egg. I love opening an egg and showing my kiddos where a baby chick would be had a rooster been around. I love picking flowers and checking the buds on the trees. I love talking about the story of Jesus and how his lessons can teach us the true meaning of life......which in my world, is love. Religious or not, anyone can appreciate the simple, easy joy accompanying these basic principles. It's just as magical as some dumb bunny - sans the horrifically inflated expectations.


So yes. This year, my Easter Bunny won't be decorating intense baskets overflowing with goodies and pastels. This year, my Easter Bunny is going to be a giant lazy piece of crap...and Mommy is going to do the job of teaching my kids some real Easter magic. 

I hope you each have a wonderful weekend and as always, thank you so much for reading!




16 comments:

  1. Chocolate-No-More Apocalypse. Hahahahahaha Thank you for this. With basket after basket and dress after dress have come rolling in for my daughter I can say definitely it all has to stop. We got her an educational toy she loved at a friends house and will help with her ABC. I gave away her peeps (gasp) and all the other candy given. I agree with your idea simple things they would have gotten anyway.

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    1. I love that! Things I needed to buy for them anyways should be the new theme for all kid gift giving....because let's face it, Mom is just trying to make something special happen here. It's not about the stuff, it's about the people!

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  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Religion is much less black and white as much of the world would have us think, and I agree it is about love. (but I'm not sure I could have given away Peeps LOL).

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    1. Thanks Paula! And yes, I love me some peeps :)

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  3. My parents never did Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny when we were growing up, and I doubt I would ever do it for my kids in the future, either. I think there's definitely ways to keep the "wonder" of childhood without claiming that gifts came from someone that they didn't come from...

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    1. Agreed! I am ok with them holding onto the magic for the most part - it's the materialism I can't stand or support.

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  4. This is a fabulous outlook on everything, Jen and I'm not just saying that cause you and I think alike here....okay maybe I am but just a little! You rock! Have a beautiful Eatser!

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    1. HAHAHA thank you so much :) Love having you as a reader!! you're such an inspiring person!

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  5. No arguments from me, sister! I think you've got the right idea in using the gratitude gauge to determine how much is enough. Good job!

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    1. Thank you Nan :) I am trying to keep my kids on track to be grateful human beings, mainly because it's always been so hard for me to stay happy with what I have. You never want your kids to deal with the same problems you have!

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  6. Awesome! I don't celebrate Easter, never have and never will. I think it's just silly and it might be fun for the kids but I don't like making a whole thing about it. For Christmas my son is asked what he wants and he gets one or two things then again we don't buy much for him throughout the year but since hes' a good kid we get him a decent gift - but he's well aware who purchases it. LoL. I just like all the lights- they're still up near my balcony window too - it makes me happy. :) Have a great weekend Jennifer! -Iva

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    1. Thank you Iva :) I am SO huge on Christmas lights - they are so pretty!

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  7. Loved your post!! I was amazed to see pictures of overflowing Easter baskets on FB this past Sunday. Goodness Gracious!!

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    1. Right??? The ones with the crazy Disney toys that cost like $20 for plastic grass and cardboard? It's looney! Thank you so much for reading :)

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  8. Ha-ha! So true! Easter gets pricer every year. My husband and I decided to forgo the Easter baskets and candy this year. Each kiddo got a Lego kit--just as expensive as a basket full of candy and goodies but will last longer. That's our justification at least.

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    1. That is totally a legit justification - legos = building and building = architect. You gave your kids careers for Easter! HAHA

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