Monday, January 2, 2017

2017 Renewal Challenge: Around the House

Welcome, dear readers, to Week 1 of the Flaws, Forgiven Renewal series. I wanted to kick 2017 off with some positive, practical, and easy ways to rejuvenate our daily lives....cuz let's face it, after 2016, we're all feeling a little less-than-fresh.

Each week in January we'll bring the renewal challenges up a notch, graduating from easy tasks around the house to more challenging suggestions aimed at evaluating and lightening the soul. My hope is that by the end of this series we'll have a happy lil' bag of tools and ideas to gently, joyfully guide us through these last winter months.

To start things off we're gonna go can we embrace renewal around the house?

Now I know what I'm you're thinking. Jen, what is this, little miss Suzy Homemaker time? I don't need to be told to clean my crap up. I know how to clean and if I don't, it's cuz I don't wanna. I get you. But hear me out. Our environment always, always affects us, whether we want it to or not, whether we admit it or not, whether we realize it or not. These next few ideas may sound simple, but can have profound effects on our emotional, spiritual, and yes, physical well-being. And it's not even all about cleaning, kay?

Ok so this one, tiny suggestion really is all about cleaning. I promise this is the only one. I'm not going to suggest you implement a weekly routine, or print out a checklist, or get down and scrub grout. I am instead going to suggest you find one thing, one element of your house that hasn't been touched in a while, and try to make it look new again. It could be the grease trap over your stove. It could be the windows. It could be the baseboards. Find one category or thing in your house, preferably something you can see or notice every single day that drives you nuts, and clean the ever-lovin' crap out of it. Like the stained shower curtain you always stare at when you're going pee. Or the dirty spot of carpet you see every time you do yoga. Or the books in your bedroom that are obnoxiously leaning in the wrong direction. Find something that makes you squirm and roll your eyes and clean it.

My go-to, feel-good cleaning task (and this sounds insane) is scrubbing my walls. I never, ever wipe down my walls, in every room of this house there are smudges, crusty bits of something, hand prints, dust (that's right, it can collect vertically, on a wall), hair, and weird splotches of liquid from gosh only knows where. Once a year I go around my house with a wet cloth in one hand and a dry cloth in the other and I wipe down my walls. I wipe down the corners. I wipe down the wall behind my kids' dinner chairs. I wipe down light switches and the areas over our heater vents. I wipe down the walls surrounding the sinks and around the door frames. And when I'm done, guess what? I get to walk into my bedroom and not be like, "who the hell flung toothpaste onto the wall next to my bed!" Renewal!

The amount of things in my home overwhelms me. Sometimes I get the biggest urge to pick everything up and throw it on the street....and I mean everything. All these stupid "coordinating desk items" that are staring at me right now as I type, for instance, are toeing the line. They say clutter and mess weighs on your person and can influence your mood the minute you wake up. They say it sucks up your energy even when out of sight, like in a closet or a basement. I say it's just annoying, moving things to clean, washing things because they sit there and get dirty, finding places for things to go when I'm tryin to impress people with a clean house. The less we have, the more we have.

A surefire way to get rid of stuff is to give everything an expiration date. If I don't touch a baking pan at least once a year, for example, I don't need it. Even if someday I might host a party that might make use of a special ribbon-shaped bake pan, oh well. I'll hafta bake with one of the pans I kept and used regularly, instead. Hair care and personal beauty products might have a shorter shelf life. If I don't use that bottle of straightening balm at least once a month, I don't need it. And no, nobody wants it. Throw it away and remember this feeling the next time you're faced with a shelf full of expensive hair products that you think you've gotta have, Jen. Same with clothes, same with toys, same with keepsakes and cards and photos. It's not easy, throwing away or donating things I've spent money on or become attached to, but the feeling I have when I open that closet or cabinet and see my very favorite things sitting there, smiling at me from a clean and uncluttered spot on the shelf, makes me ridiculously happy. Renewal!

Let the light in....literally. Every morning I get up and walk around my house opening the curtains, even if it's not entirely light out yet. Now I am no morning person, so I look more like the stepmother than Cinderella when I throw open those shades, but when that morning light filters in it absolutely changes my mood. We as humans need light to see by but light is also used to judge the time of day, to orient us to our surroundings, to help us gauge the heat or coolness of the day. Light is vital to the management and stability of our internal clocks; allowing yourself to fall into rhythm with the light of each season helps your body undergo the natural cycles intended for all living creatures. Winter is a time of rest. Let yourself be cocooned in darkness a few hours early. If you're like me and you can't reasonably go to bed at 4:30PM, invest in some pretty lamps with gentle glows, or better yet, have a few nights where candlelight is your guide. Light is a fantastic source of energy and heat, so if you're feeling depressed or cold, get creative, lean on our shared sky, and let the light shine through. Renewal!

This is maybe my favorite suggestion of the week. One of the best things in the whole wide world is taking something that would've gone in the trash and turning it into something awesome I can use and enjoy for as many years as I want. There's a little bit of backstory to this see, I have two small kids, a young dog, a cat, and chickens. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in or outside of my home is safe from destruction. I've made the foolish mistake of purchasing nice, white, clean, pretty, fragile, Mama-only things before, and they almost always get broken, smashed, massacred, stained, scratched, or chewed. And it makes me angry when my things get broken. And then I get angry that I am angry about things getting broken.

It's way, way easier to furnish my home with things I don't care so much about. Things that I found on the side of the road. Things somebody gave me. Things destined for the trash. Free things. Lost things. Repurposed things. These things, when broken, do not represent a loss of money (something I constantly stress about) and are easy to replace (I'll just make another one). It's really, really freeing to have things I enjoy but do not need to protect or covet. My most recent project included an old kitchen window and some sample paints from the hardware store. I am not the best artist, and to some this thing is not worthy of primo-wall-space right over my dining table, but I love the bright colors and the reminder that spring is coming. I painted a symbol of rebirth in rejuvenating colors on a repurposed window...and I absolutely love it. And guess what...if it breaks, I can just toss it out, no tears necessary. Renewal!

Sometimes no amount of lipstick will make you wanna kiss a pig. I mean if we're really talking about kissing pigs here, I would kiss any of them with or without lipstick, no questions asked, but I digress....Sometimes you really do need new sheets. Sometimes your towels are gross and falling apart. Sometimes you see a beautiful throw pillow and you imagine yourself sinking into it and you smile and decide you're gonna buy it. It's ok to replace things in your home. The only warning I have is to be sure the items you're purchasing really are replacing something else - not simply adding to a collection. Be sure to live within your means and really think about the item you're replacing.  Bonus points if you take the old item and find a creative way to repurpose it.

I always, always splurge on bedding. My bed is my sacred space and blankets, to me, are like wrappable clouds from heaven. I own three sets of sheets, all of them GOTS-certified and organic, because I am a prissy bed queen and I gotta accept that. I take time a few times a month to air out my bed, wash my sheets, and cycle on through to the next set. I'm bonkers about soft blankets. This is my area of excess. But I feel like I redeem myself when the sheets start to go...because I turn them into pillowcases or curtains for the chickens (chickens need window treatments too). And then I buy new bedding. And I feel guilty about it for exactly 5-6 hours until I sink into that freshly-made bed and let out the most genuine and joyful sigh I've ever felt in my whole life. Replacing old, worn, broken things is ok. Consider it an improvement to your environment and enjoy every bit of the selection process. Renewal!

Renewing your home and the area around you can be as simple or as detailed as you like. If you find you enjoy the deep-cleaning process, or the decluttering process, or repurposing things around your house, do it again. If you hate it, try another idea. Pay special attention to the areas around your home where you spend the most time. A few small changes to your physical surroundings will positively impact you spiritually and emotionally...and what better way to start the new year?

I'd love to hear some of the ways you're renewing things around your home in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading :) Happy New Year!


Monday, December 19, 2016

Creating Grateful Kids at Christmastime

Buy them a Hatchimal, the end.


I am absolutely, 100% kidding. Hatchimals are not the answer, people.  

I remember being a kid and coming down the stairs and seeing the Christmas lights reflecting off the wrapping paper. There's nothing quite like the feeling of seeing that tree transform into a crowning, glorious king standing over boxes containing all things possible. What's in those packages? What might I get? It could be anything in there. I loved that feeling. I want my kids to feel that feeling.

So I buy them Christmas presents. I often spend more than I should. I am similar to many other imperfect parents out there - I want nothing more than a joyful, exceptional, educational childhood for my two daughters. I spend money I should really be putting toward my credit card bill, or waterproof boots, or truck repairs, or my student loans, because in my Christmas head, my kids' happiness is more important. And presents = happiness, right?

It takes me hours to pick out their gifts. I open maybe 4-5 Amazon windows at once and compare what's on sale to what's on their wish lists and price check with other vendors and calculate shipping costs and timetable delivery windows and compare how much I've spent on each kid and then, finally, I'm ready to order.

The boxes arrive and I stash them away, checking beforehand to ensure everything was delivered, again calculating who will get what and did I get enough for it to look equal for each girl and which present should be from Santa and which from me?

Then comes wrapping time. I spend hours upon hours wrapping things perfectly, signing Santa's name just so, picking out the perfect bows and making each package look as pretty as I can with these goshdang dull ass scissors, why haven't I replaced them yet, is this glue on my scissors? Am I seriously out of scotch tape again?

Hiding wrapped gifts is always a challenge. Shove them under the bed this year? What about that one cat who loves to eat shiny things? Is there room in the closet? What about when your youngest wants to grab your yoga mat "for you" out of there? Do I have enough clothes to hide them? How about the basement? The mice aren't active yet, right?

Finally, the day arrives. Christmas Eve. The kids get into bed and fall asleep late because they are so excited and you are also excited because it's time to play Santa. Time to arrange the presents just so, carefully stacking them so each and every label faces out, each package manipulated so it fits perfectly and every last present can be seen. I prop them up and rearrange and shift low-hanging ornaments around and tuck and balance and finally, finally, it is done. I pour myself a drink and sit there on the couch, smiling and glowing at my accomplishment in the colorful, dim light given off by the tree. They are going to be so happy, I say. And then I go to sleep.

Christmas morning breaks and the sound of hurried little feet wakes the whole house and soon it is present time. Ripping, paper, plastic, ribbons in pieces.

And, inevitably, smiles. But then, like a pin to a balloon, you catch a glimpse of downturned eyes. Maybe even tears. I asked Santa for _____ and it's not here or I was really hoping for _____, but I guess this is ok too. Or, and this is the most gut-wrenching reaction in my humble opinion, no smiles at all, just a whooshing sound as the gift you worked so hard to pick out is tossed into a pile of forever forgotten and unappreciated.

Sometimes, dear readers, kids are straight asshats.

I've tried very hard to teach my children to find joy in the little things. To be grateful for the big things. To keep the perspective....but truth be told, it's hard for me to accomplish those things. I get just as excited when I buy things I really want. I get just as disappointed when someone spends money on something I didn't really need. I'm just better at hiding it.

But there is something to be said about learning gratuity at an early age. Maybe if I'd learned to practice being happy in the moment a few years earlier, I wouldn't be so gosh-awful at it right now. Maybe if I'd learned to ween off my attachment to things when I was younger, I wouldn't be so stuck in a traditional American lifestyle today. Maybe there are things I can do to help create a sense of gratefulness and joy in my kids regardless of what's under the tree. Practice makes perfect, amirite?

Teach manners
The very first thing a kid should say after getting a present is thank you. I don't care if they love it or not, I don't care if they just started talking last year, that kid should know and understand "thank you" as an automatic response to getting anything. It's basic manners and believe me, kids are capable of executing this one.

I didn't insist on this enough with my oldest and she still, at ten years old, needs to be reminded to say thank you. My four year old, however, was taught at a very young age that if Mama gets something for her, she needs to say thank you before that object is handed over to her. Kid training, manipulation, white lies, call it what you need to say thank you. Letting this one slide opens up a world of ungrateful behavior possibilities in the future.

Teach privilege
Show them what underprivileged looks like. When you visit the city to go Christmas shopping explain on the ride over about people on the streets who have no homes, no food, no money, and no closets full of toys. Show them videos and pictures of kids from other areas of the world. Show them how one dirty teddy bear is a most treasured possession in some families.

There's a vast number of people who believe this type of awareness is "too mature" for kids. Let them keep their innocence, this group tells me...and to that I argue, if a child's "innocence" leads to selfishness and a warped sense of entitlement, egocentrism, and ignorance, then perhaps a little loss of "innocence" is a necessary and needed component of parenting. We can, being parents after all, select which images to show them, how to explain it to them, and how best to teach them about the realities of life. What a precious and important opportunity to move our young and beautiful minds in a more productive, empathetic, and gracious direction.

Teach hardship
Make them go without. Kid complaining about not having the same motorized scooter as that kid next door? Take their bike away. Kid not capable of following your very specific and repeated instructions about brushing their teeth? Make them mix up the next batch of homemade toothpaste instead of having free time. Kid not wanting to eat what you make for dinner? Send their butt to bed 'till you're done enjoying your meal. Kid not wanting to help fold laundry? Stop washing their clothes for a week and tell them to solve their own problems when they're getting ready for school and they have no underwear.

This can be done for younger kids too. I am not as extreme with my youngest yet, she is still at that beautiful age where she pretty much appreciates her food and listens to my instructions. But that doesn't mean I get to slack on teaching her how things come to be. I talk to her about where the water comes from. I show her how hard it is to grow something from a seed. She understands the sacrifice involved in standing outside in the cold and scraping the truck down so we can drive into town. You can teach hardship without it being a punishment. The point is to highlight the secret, hidden efforts that hum in the background of everything we're blessed to have in this country.

Teach wonder
Joy lives in the small things! The best part about this particular point? It already comes natural to your kids. Children live in the minute, moment-to-moment, and truly find magic in the smallest places. Encourage and support this by allowing them to explore, get dirty, and be independent. Show them wonder in your own way - do a quick science experiment. Do a cooking lesson. Do some crafts. Do some magic shows. Do some puppet shows. Do some writing. Do some art. Do some hiking.

Do you get the picture? heh heh heh seewhatididthere! Kids who find wonder in the small things are the same kids who get a Christmas present, pop the bow off, hold it to their little hearts, and exclaim "thank you!" with tears in their eyes, thinking the bow is the present. That kind of mentality is hard to keep as expectations crowd around them....but with some encouragement and modeling at home, magic can be found everywhere.

Teach generosity
It's better to give than to receive, eh? Tell that to my empty bank account. That is what my evil Kermit tells me each time I see a red bucket, a Toys for Tots box, or another GoFundMe link. Thankfully I've learned to tune out my evil Kermit years ago.

Once you start giving you realize it really isn't the money and stuff that makes you happy - it's getting rid of it that frees your soul. Spending on others is ridiculously rewarding, especially when done regularly. I often let fear get in the way of giving. I'm afraid - I need to feed my own kids, or get my own kids presents, or have enough to pay our own bills.....but over the years as I've spontaneously given to people who I believe truly need it, I've learned the money, in all of its irrelevant glory, always finds a way back to me. I gave more this year, the year of my divorce and single-mama-starting point, than I ever did when married....and guess what, I've not been shoved out of my house or stranded in the gutter or forced to eat moldy bread.

Teach the lesson of trust and responsible giving to kiddos. Teach them to give whenever they can. Give money. Give time. Give love. A generous heart is a grateful and thankful heart. Give often.

Teach value
Money has no value other than that which we place on it ourselves. And guess what...the same can be said about every other thing in our lives. We get to choose what has value and what does not. It's our decision as smart, brainy lil humans. And it's a skill we can teach to our kids.

Materialism is constantly calling to me. Buy the nicest car, have the cutest curtains, make sure the kids are dressed in the best clothes. These desires often capitalize on deep-seeded insecurities about acceptance....I want to be liked....I want to be viewed a certain way. It's a losing battle that even kids feel, especially on the playground when the ever-present love and acceptance of mama and home is dulled by distance. Teach kids to value themselves over their possessions. Teach kids how to value the food instead of the plates the food sits on. Teach them to place value on relationships, human interactions, words, music, art, animals, and nature. Teach them the riches in the soil and the riches around the dinner table. Those are the things that hold value - and the sooner they learn that, the sooner their Christmas lists will detail things that fill their hearts and minds and souls instead of toy closets.

Now I know what you might be thinking. And I agree. These lessons are a mite unrealistic, aren't they? I mean, I love presents. How can I expect my kids not to? And the answer is that this isn't about not wanting presents - it's about truly appreciating the ones you get.

And, my dear readers, these lessons don't mean a thing when they're not exemplified at home. It is critical to not only point out and teach manners, privilege, hardship, wonder, generosity, and value, but to lead by example. Half the reason my kid loves the snow is because I giggle like a schoolgirl when it falls from the sky. I'll wake them up just to show them a full moon and hold them in my arms and sing them soft songs before returning them to bed. I'll jump up and down when I find our first pumpkin of the season. I try and sing loudly even when I'm sad. Kids are watching you - and that is perhaps the most important part of teaching, being aware of what you actions and your responses say to your students.

Kids are kids. They will make mistakes and behave like jerks and test patience and they won't learn any of these lessons overnight. The point, however, is to give them the chance. A book is useless until it's picked up. A message is irrelevant until it's heard. And presents don't mean a thing until they are received by a grateful heart.

What do you do to teach your kiddos generosity? If you're not a parent, what types of challenges do you endure when dealing with the kids around you at Christmastime? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so very much for reading! Merry Christmas :)


Monday, December 12, 2016

Gift Guide for the Not-So-Wealthy

Twelve and a half more days until Christmas, dear readers! Time is flying so parties are in full swing, lights are twinkling everywhere we look, and my money is basically just kissing my bank account and waving goodbye at this point. 

Now I'm not a frivolous spender; every dime counts these days. I'm also not really into material things because they make clutter and clutter makes me crazy (unless we're talking books....or chickens. Can never too many chickens). But with the big day less than two weeks away, I can't help but focus on money way more than someone should when trying to celebrate what is supposed to be a season of peace, love, and birth. 

It seems inevitable that every year we're bombarded with a never-ending slew of grab bag gifts, book exchanges, teacher gifts (both of my children have 3 teachers!), appetizers, drinks, presents for the kids, presents for family members, tipping the garbage service and the mailpeople and anyone else who delivers stuff to you....all the added costs of the holiday season can make me feel a little less-than-joyous.

But never fear. Jen's gift guide for the not-so-wealthy is here. 

Find Freebies
  • Raid a special someone's basement/garage/closet. The best way to make this happen is by offering to assist with holiday decorations. I recently received 3 matching ornaments for free from one very special woman in my life while my kids trimmed her tree - and those ornaments are going straight to 3 of the 6 teachers I need to thank this holiday. 
  • Keep an eye on Craigslist and those Facebook garage sale sites. This is especially important after the holidays, when people are sick of it all and starting a new year and looking to just get rid of stuff.
  • Cruise around on garbage day. A lot of parents try and "clean up" right before Santa comes. You can find bikes, cabinets, bookshelves, chairs, playground equipment, and all sorts of other stuff by hitting the streets before the garbage trucks do.
Offer Your Services
  • Shoveling is horrific. Nobody likes it. It makes the perfect gift because literally everyone, man, woman, or child, tears up when they step outside to an unexpectedly clean driveway.
  • Watch things. Watch homes while friends and family are on vacation. Bring in the mail, roll out the trash bins, water the plants. Take it up a notch by offering to watch pets. Take it up four hundred notches by offering to watch kids. Best. Gift. Ever. 
  • Cleaning and prepping for a party is the hardest part of every event....unless of course you consider the clean up after the event. Offer to arrive ahead of the crowd and help the host or hostess in lieu of bringing a gift. Stay late and help clean things up. I promise it is so incredibly appreciated. 
Handmade is Your Friend
  • Churches, libraries, and park district are constantly offering classes and advent activities throughout the holiday season. You can typically make a handful of beautiful, handmade presents for friends and family at a quarter of the cost of buying new. 
  • Bake, cook, can. People love to eat. Cookies are fantastic. Everyone loves cookies, even people who try not to love cookies. Sweet breads that can be frozen make great gifts, too. So do easily-reheated meals like casseroles and pasta dishes. Canned goods, I'm finding, are a huge hit. And I don't mean like Campbells' soup canned goods, I mean like the 'maters I canned this summer, the salsa verde I made, the bone broth I cooked up - people love it. 
  • If you have any talent in anything....knitting, welding, carving, photography, writing, hammering, designing, sewing, coloring.....use it. Make something pretty for someone. I know it takes a ton of time. I know it's easier to buy. But we're trying to be frugal, readers. Your handmade item made from supplies you readily keep on hand to support your hobby is worth so much more to the recipient than something purchased in the store. Use your supplies and your talents and get cracking! A variation of this idea would be to sell your talents - like a "I'll carve your kid a sign that you can give her for Christmas" type thing. 
Regifting is the New Gifting
  • Save gift cards and certificates instead of using them. We've all received a gift card to a store we don't typically frequent. Instead of trekking out there and buying way more stuff than you ever would've normally, save the card. Give it to someone later, someone who maybe likes the store a little more or would make better use of the card. Check expiration dates, they can be tricky. 
  • All those grab bag gifts you participated in last year? And the year before that? Save the stuff you aren't in love with. I have a huge tote in the basement with items I've collected over the years from work parties, friend parties, and family parties. Regift the gift to a completely different group of people and wal-lah, no money spent and nobody's the wiser. 
  • Enhancing stuff is a real thing. Take those Christmas towels you never used and turn them into a blanket. Redesign that wine glass set that's just chillin in your basement into personalized glasses. Scour your shelves for books you've read once or twice and send them out into the world to be enjoyed by someone else. 
Just Say No
  • You're not required to participate in work-related Christmas festivities. You can say no to the work grab bag, the potluck, and getting presents for bosses and coworkers. A handwritten note to those who really made your year is likely better appreciated anyways.
  • You're not required to send Christmas cards. Those suckers are expensive, especially for something that sits around for a couple days then gets tossed in the recycling. You can buy a box of non-photo Christmas cards for like $5 in the off-season and send them out with a 4x6 picture if you really just have to send cards. You'd get the same effect for half the cost. 
  • You do not need to serve a full dinner for your family. If you host the holidays, consider taking it down a notch and doing appetizers and finger foods only. Family members who want more can always volunteer to prepare, bring, and clean up the dinner themselves ;) 
My favorite Christmas gifts are those given out of love and true thought for the recipient. I absolutely love giving gifts because I love making those I care about happy. Watching someone smile because of something I've given them, or done for them, is one of the best feelings in the world. Presents don't need to be expensive, they don't need to be things, and they don't need to drain your wallet. You don't need expensive, flashy objects to prove how much you love someone, and likewise, you don't need a ton of money to be rich. I think Clarence said it best when he wrote:

Do you have a favorite, frugal go-to gift, readers? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so much for reading :)


Monday, December 5, 2016

When It's Not the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I'm a Christmas girl. I love winter, I love snow, I love blankets and cocoa and Christmas movies and pretty lights. Christmastime is one of my favorite times of the year. Everything sparkles and shimmers with celebration and the anticipation of a new year, a fresh start.

But even this Christmas-lovin' lady is hearing faint little whispers of pain this year. They're not loud, and they're not overtaking my immense dedication to making this the Best Christmas Ever, but they're trying to consume my moments of stillness. These doubts are gnawing at me, gently, while I go about my holiday preparations. It's my first year as an "official" single mama, my first year having to split holidays, my first year needing to actually deal with my ex-husband's girlfriends, all out in the open like this, whew! What a new concept for me. I am struggling to stay positive.

I am extremely blessed, dear readers. I wake every day in a beautiful bed, to the kisses of two beautiful and healthy girls, with animals I love needing to be cared for, and a yoga mat begging me to come, practice, let it fall away for a minute. I talk to incredible people throughout my day, one particularly amazing bearded man with an affinity for providing light into the dark corners of my heart I'd long ago thought hopelessly abandoned, and I am loved on by the best family and friends this world has ever seen.

But sometimes, during those tiny, fleeting, infrequent spaces of quiet, the ones where I am supposed to be sleeping or writing or reading or thinking happy thoughts, I instead find my mind pushing against a soft, gray sense of grief, doubt, and disappointment. How did I get here? Alone, after all that work, what an idiot you were to carry on like that for so long. And what a tiny woman you are, feeling lonely. You're supposed to be strong and independent. Don't you know it's weak to want someone beside you? Can't figure out how to do this on your own, hm? Better buck up before someone sees. 

Pretty ugly, yes? Most moments of pure, unfiltered, raw truth are.

Your pain might not be about the empty seat beside you. Your pain might be about the person sitting beside you. Or the people you'll need to deal with this holiday. Your pain might be about the things in your life that are not in your control and seem so unequivocally unfair, especially among tinsel and garland. It's a season of extreme juxtaposition - unavoidable darkness sitting next to a string of colorful lights. Sometimes it's not the most wonderful time of the year.

The good news? We have the power to change that.

How, Jen? How? 

Find delicious ways to move.
I love to eat and I also love to look sexy. Sometimes I manage to look sexy while eating, but more often than not when the holidays come around, my jeans are covered in flour and my face in crumbs. I look in the mirror and see changes to my body that may or may not exist and I panic. I shame myself, feel guilty, and vow not to eat like crap the next day. Then the next day comes and holymotherofgosh are those christmas-colored donuts??

I can tell you as a Grade A Lounger that moving, in any sense of the word, helps. You don't need to leave your house. You don't even need to get out of bed if you don't want to. Just move. Stretch. Rub your own feet. Play with your pets and kids. Organize something and move boxes around. Do yoga. Have lots of sex, with someone or with yourself, it doesn't matter. Just move, deliciously.

Get spiritual.
This one might not go over well but Imma say it anyways cuz this is my blog. I'm a Christian - don't run away! Hear me out. I am a Christian with agnostic and atheist friends. I am a Christian who loves, identifies with, and fights for gays. I am a Christian who accepts other faiths and prays for everyone I can because that's what God wants me to do. Christmas in my faith is all about dear sweet lil baby Jesus and I love it. I recognize many people do not follow this belief system and I accept and love 'em regardless. And that huge long disclaimer is all leading up to this: If you're reading this and you're hurting this holiday season....crash a church service.

I'm not kidding. You don't need to talk to anyone. You don't need to look at anyone. You don't need to do anything but step inside and sit down. If you're lonely, if you're sad, if you feel like you are going to die if you sit in your house one more second, just pull up to that church you've driven past 100 times and go inside. My church has a special service called "Blue Christmas," and it's designed to comfort and soothe and redirect your perspective to the positive elements of the holiday season. Sometimes the best things in life happen when you try something incredibly uncomfortable and new...the impossible happens when you let your guard down.

Find delicious people to consume your time.
There's a line in one of my favorite movies, Fried Green Tomatoes, where Idgie Threadgoode says, "I guess you already know that there are angels masquerading as people walking around this planet..." 

People make the world turn. Life is breathtakingly beautiful, but there is something incredibly necessary to the human experience in sharing that beauty with those around you. The angels in your life can be strangers, they can be family members, they can be friends, they can be the parents of friends. Distant relations, distant loves, distant acquaintances...or the lady who works at your favorite gas station down the street.

I've talked about this in previous posts - when you need to deal with painful people, surround yourself with those who bring light. Let them shine on you and love on you and make the effort to stand beside them and be with them when you can. Instead of spending all your time rushing from one plan to another, pause and enjoy the random people that stumble into your life. Let yourself be a little late. Let yourself be a little vulnerable, even while hurting. The risk is almost always worth the reward.

Bake, sculpt, pound, fold, hammer, type, thread, stir, weld, twist, and carve. Weave and sway and sing and strum and pour. What sets us apart as humans is our insane ability to creatively create. Animals can create structures and rhythms and webs, but always for a purpose, always for a biological need. We as humans can create magic, pure magic, simply because we want to. What an incredible gift.

There's no time for chaos and tears when you're busy wrapping up 3 dozen Christmas cookies. There's little room for doubt when you finally find that perfect note to complete your song, that perfect sentence to open your book's 4th chapter, that perfect blue for your cascading waterfall. If you don't currently create, you're lucky. You are a blank canvas with the potential to make anything you want. Check out a book from the library on anything, literally anything, and try your hand at it. If you hate it, give it up and try something else. The goal is to immerse yourself in the task of creating something made purely of you.

Find delicious ways to compliment yourself.
You're not gonna be happy all the time. You might feel extreme disappointment or anger at your current circumstances. If you're anything like me, you're likely more upset at your feelings of disappointment and anger than the actual cause of the disappointment and anger....almost like why can't you get over this and snap out of it and deal with your current situation with grace and strength and force yourself to live in the moment and just be freaking happy right now. 

Don't do that. Don't talk to yourself like that. It hurts. Don't think about how far you have to go, or how little has changed, or how little you can control. Those are not productive thoughts. They won't lead you anywhere good and they won't change anything about your pain. Instead think of what you have done. You've made it another month. You've smiled twice today. Your bed is made perfectly. There are men and women who would beg for your pretty little heart. You will make it through this day. You make a mean cup of tea. Your eyes are astoundingly beautiful. Your soul shimmers. Tell yourself. Go on. Do it.

Make it about the kids.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just feel crummy. You could do all those other things I talked about above and still feel crummy. This is where kids come in handy. You don't need to have any. They don't even need to be human, fur babies work too. When you're not feeling the joy of Christmas, the excitement of the end of a year, the peace of a restful season, look to the innocent. They will be dancing.

My girls have contagious smiles. My puppy has contagious energy. My chickens have contagious simplicity. Head out and find kids and animals to play with or watch. Don't let your thoughts get pessimistic, just watch them. Watch them run and leap and bound and make noises and live life in the moment. Kids are perfect at doing that. Watch them and learn.

We can't make those we miss materialize in front of us. We can't wave a wand over those we love and make them healthy. We can't pretend like the people who break our heart and disrespect us and cut us off in the parking lot don't exist. We can, however, own our perspectives. We can bookmark kind words and reminders. We can approach our moments of darkness with purpose and the courage to accept that life ain't easy, not even at Christmastime. And that's ok. Those moments of imperfection are wonderful...perhaps the most wonderful times of our lives.

How do you beat the holiday blues, dear readers? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below. As always, thank you for reading :)


Monday, November 28, 2016

Cooking with Kids: Blueberry Banana Buttermilk Bread

We've made it to our last post in the Cooking with Kids November blog series and I am thrilled to announce I've saved the best for last. This bread.....oh, readers. This bread is absolutely my number one most-loved breakfast food of all time. The girls go crazy for the sweet, subtle banana dough, soft texture, juicy blueberries, and crispy, golden crust. The very best part? As with almost everything I cook, this recipe is EASY and prep time is a breeze.

1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup mashed banana
4 Tablespoons buttermilk (don't have buttermilk? Mix 1 Tablespoon of white vinegar and 3 Tablespoons of whole milk. Wah-lah! Homemade buttermilk)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
Handful of blueberries (I use frozen berries - I rinse and pat dry to warm them up)

Kitchen Tools Needed
Two regular-sized bread loaf pans
Large mixing bowl
Mixing spoon
Wire cooling rack

1. Grease two loaf pans. I use buttah. Oh and preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
2. Mix your butter and sugar together in a large mixing bowl.
3. Add eggs, bananas, buttermilk, and vanilla to the bowl.
4. Add flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Mix until well-combined.
5. Gently stir in blueberries
6. Bake for 50-55 minutes
7. Let cool on a wire rack and then nomnomnom

Some Cooking with Kids Moments

  • Give them that ingredient and supply list! Let them gather what you need.
  • Let them mash the bananas between their fingers.
  • Show them how to grease pans and explain why we need to.
  • Teach them how to make buttermilk using vinegar and whole milk. Get all chemistry on them if you wanna.
  • Let them rinse the berries and gently fold them into the batter. Watch their eyes when the batter starts to change colors.
  • Don't forget to assign a timekeeper!
  • Teach them the toothpick trick to check whether or not the bread is done.

This bread can be frozen and thawed later without losing any of its delicious texture. It can be stored in the fridge for up to a week - if you can keep your hands off it that long. This stuff is typically gone within a few days at my house!

Looking for a simple and fun way to kick off the holidays? Double this recipe (or triple!) and make some loaves for friends and family. They will love it and will likely fall completely in love with you so gift wisely.

And with that, it's time to sign off on our Cooking with Kids series, dear readers. I hope these last few posts have showcased how kiddos can be pretty dang good helpers in the kitchen. Take a couple days every month to cook with your sets them up with the skills they need later in life, whether while in a college dorm on a small budget or surrounded by their own families around the dinner table someday. Don't let the chaos of the first few cooking attempts steer you off course, either. It's all about practice and figuring out what works best for your family.

Bottom line? Make good food with those you love. 

And just in case you missed the other posts in our Cooking with Kids series:
Homemade Cinnamon Rolls
Simple, Homemade Potato Soup
No-Soup Green Bean Casserole

And if you're lookin for more kid-friendly recipes, check these out: 
Easiest, Best Zucchini Bread Ever
Biscuit Pot Pie
Best Ever Blueberry Muffins


Monday, November 14, 2016

Cooking with Kids: Simple, Homemade Potato Soup

It is a new week. That's right. A brand new start. And after the pain of last week, with violence and fear felt on a national level by both sides of the election, I decided this week needed to start with something simple, easy, pure, reliable, and comforting. And that, for me, is potato soup.

Root veggies are in season right now and the chill in the air is enticing me to bundle up, snuggle in, and relax with something warm. I love the frugality of this recipe (even organic potatoes are inexpensive) and you can freeze and reheat these leftovers without losing any of the texture and tastiness.

Now don't get me wrong, I understand the appeal of opening a can and heating the contents up real quick over the stove. But this recipe, which is the Jen Version of Gimmie Some Oven's recipe, is seriously so easy that pulling out your pan very nearly gets you halfway there. And if you have the kids helping? Whew! Dinner in no time at all :)

Simple, Homemade Potato Soup

3 Tablespoons of butter
Some diced onion
1/4 cup flour
2 cups bone broth
2 cups whole milk
6-7 medium/large potatoes, mostly-peeled and kinda-diced
1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
4 Tablespoons cream cheese
Some salt and pepper to taste

Kitchen Tools Needed
Large pot
Cuttin board
Potato peeler
Measuring cups for both dry and wet ingredients
Wooden spoon
Immersion blender or potato masher (optional)

1. Add your butter to a large pot and melt over medium-ish heat.
2. Add onion and saute for a few minutes until the onion gets all golden.
3. Sprinkle in your flour and stir until combined. Saute for another minute or so, stirring the whole time.
4. Stir in bone broth.
5. Stir in milk and diced potatoes. Adjust the heat until your mixture is at a nice steady simmer, not boil.
6. Cover and cook for about 15 minutes.
7. Once your potatoes are soft, stir in your cheddar and cream cheese. You can use an immersion blender to mix everything up and make it smooth, or a potato masher, or you can leave the potatoes chunky and stir until the cheese is melted.
8. Add salt and pepper, tasting as you go and adjusting the seasoning to your preferences.
9. Serve to smiling littles who will love it and ask for seconds :)

Some Cooking with Kids Moments...

  • Let your kids gather the ingredients and kitchen tools for you.
  • Teach your kiddos about potato peeler and knife safety and then (this is the hard part) give them a chance to use both instruments! You will be there supervising, maybe even holding their hands while they try for the first time - what better way to learn how to use a peeler. Don't forget to warn them about slippery potatoes! 
  • Explain why potatoes have eyes. 
  • Have your kids gather all the potato skins and scraps and chuck them into the compost.
  • This recipe takes you through the process of making a "roux," or a flour-and-fat mixture that thickens sauces and soups. Teach your kiddos the word and talk them through the process of making a roux - you can go as light or as heavy on the science behind it as you'd like, either way your kid's gonna learn one of the most basic and useful cooking tricks in the book!
  • Assign a timekeeper! Don't want those taters to burn! 
  • Engage your kiddos in the seasoning process. Let them taste the soup before seasoning and after seasoning. If you want to be really bold, let them decide whether the soup needs more salt or pepper. Prepping those little palates! :)
  • Clean up crew! This recipe doesn't use a ton of kitchen tools so clean up is pretty easy and quick. Let little hands scrub that pot for you! 

I am hoping you each get a chance to recuperate this week, dear readers, and turn your hearts and minds to things you can control, whether they be peaceful protests, poignant conversations with those you love, or something much more simple, like a warm bowl of soup.

What is your favorite comfort food? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below and as always, thank you so so much for reading.

And just in case you missed the first week in our Cooking with Kids series (homemade cinnamon rolls!), you can catch up by clicking here

Monday, November 7, 2016

Cooking with Kids: Homemade Cinnamon Rolls

Welcome, dear readers, to the Flaws, Forgiven Cooking with Kids series! I am so excited to share some of my favorite recipes with you, recipes I've tested in my own kitchen with my own kiddos.

Over the course of the next few pre-holiday weeks, I will detail ways I get my kids involved in cooking, from helping with grocery lists to gathering up garden produce, mixing up batter to cleaning up spills. We'll go over kid-centered expectations while in the kitchen and explore creative "jobs" you can assign in your own kitchen. I promise you will A) not want to run out of your house screaming and B) with enough patience and practice those little hands will actually help you get food on the table *gasp* faster!

So let's start with my new favorite fall recipe....this is the Jen Version of Ree's Cinnamon Rolls.

Now let's just get real here, the first time I made them I didn't let the kids help at all. I always do a trial-run of any new recipe alone first. You know what? That is our first Cooking with Kids tip.

CwK Tip #1: Always try a new recipe alone. 

I've gotta have a chance to gauge how tricky the steps are for safety purposes, you know? It has nothing to do with the fact that when I try new things I tend to panic and overanalyze just a lil' bit and need to concentrate and kids = no concentration and no concentration = burned, salty, wasted attempts at creating something edible combined with a delicious side of Jen tears. 

So yes. Be safe. Try it alone first.

Homemade Cinnamon Rolls

Ingredients for Dough
4 cups whole milk
1 cup olive oil
1 cup sugar
4 and 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast (or 2 packets)
9 cups all-purpose, unbleached flour, plus some for the counter
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

Ingredients for Filling
1/4 cup melted butter mixed with 1/4 cup melted coconut oil (or just 1/2 cup melted butter)
Sugar (impossible to quantify)
Cinnamon (also impossible to quantify)

Ingredients for Icing
1lb bag of powdered sugar
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup melted butter
1/8 teaspoon salt

Kitchen Tools Needed:
Plastic knife of some kind
Large saucepan
Big ol' mixing bowl
Rolling pin
Liquid measuring cup
Dry measuring cups
Measuring spoons
Pans with butter all over the inside of 'em (let the kids coat them with butter!)

CwK Tip #2: Let your kids get the things you need.

Kids love feeling helpful. I let my youngest get the kitchen tools because most of them are within her reach. My oldest knows where all the baking ingredients are because I am constantly asking her to grab ingredients and organize them (in order, if I really want to give her a challenge) on the counter. This step works in two ways - it allows you to bypass gathering everything and focus on the recipe you're about to follow and helps the kids familiarize themselves with the kitchen.

Ok so you've got all your ingredients ready to roll? Let's do a quick safety briefing before we get started. I don't go nuts here. In Europe kids cut with knives and stuff. Children tend to be more cautious and quick to learn than we sometimes give them credit for. I focus on the major areas of concern - burns, cuts, and contamination.

CwK Tip #3: Clean and clearly define danger zones

Before we even get started I'll be sure the girls wash hands and wipe down our countertops. You will not believe how quickly pet hair jumps onto my counters, I swear. We always do a quick wipe-down before we begin. Then I point to my gas-powered stovetop and say, "Don't touch this, this will hurt you, this will melt your skin off, this will light your hair and clothes on fire, this is dangerous and can hurt you very badly because it makes fire," to my youngest. She is four and needs to be reminded. My oldest, who is ten, gets it. She makes wide-eyed expressions next to me for dramatic emphasis. Then I pick up any knives I'll be using and again tell my youngest, "Don't touch this, this will hurt you, this will cut your finger off and it will hurt very very badly." Again, my oldest makes the "it's true" face. Lastly, if we are cooking with any raw meat, I will pick it up and hold it in my hands and say, "If you touch this you need to wash your hands. This is not cooked and all the blood on it could make you sick. If you touch this you need to wash your hands so you don't get sick and poop a lot." Both my kids need this reminder so I add the wide-eyed look myself.

And that's it, those are the only "safety" concerns I address. Then we're ready for cookin.

Dough Instructions:
1. Heat milk, olive oil, and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat until the sugar is dissolved. Set aside, off the burners, to cool - it should be cool enough to touch. Sprinkle the yeast on top and let it sit there (no stirring yet!) for a couple minutes.
*CwK Moment* Kids can add ingredients to the saucepan and sprinkle on the yeast. Kids can also keep time by either counting or watching a timer. 

2. Add 8 cups of flour (only 8 - we're saving one cup for a few steps down) and stir until combined. Try not to overmix it too much or terrible, terrible things will happen to your soul.
*CwK Moment* Let the kids add the flour and stir. Be prepared to take over as the dough starts to form.

3. Cover the pan o' dough with a clean kitchen towel and let rise for an hour.
*CwK Moment* Put a kid in charge of the timer. They will absolutely go bonkers when it goes off and come running at you with the passion of a thousand samurais. 

4. Remove the kitchen towel and stir in your baking powder, baking soda, salt, and the remaining 1 cup of flour. Mix it good, but not like a crazy person. You want to combine well. That is it.
*CwK Moment* Kids love to stir so I say, let them. 

5. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.
*CwK Moment* This is a great time to teach kids who can reach the controls how to use the oven controls. I am not talking about the burner dials, my dear readers, because I don't promote burning your house down, nope. I am talking about the oven controls - how to preheat, what the buttons means, how to turn the oven off, those types of things. 

Assembling the Rolls Instructions:
6. Take half the dough out of the saucepan. I use this super-accurate method of grabbing the whole ball of dough and ripping it in half, holding one half in each hand and tipping them back and forth like a scale. It stays classy and upscale in my kitchen, people.

7. Plop your dough-halve (half-dough? halve-of-dough? dough-half?) on a floured surface. I use my bare counter, but a table works well, too. You need room, so I do not suggest using a cutting board unless you have one that's like 3 feet long.
*CwK Moment* Give your kids free reign to flour the surface for you. I promise it's worth it.  

8. Make your dough blob rectangular-like. Then roll it out - you want it to be a larger rectangle. Ree suggests 30x10 inches but I don't know what that means so I just made it a nice, long rectangle. My dough always comes out to about an inch thick....but it's not perfect and the edges are thicker and I promise it all comes out ok. Just make sure that surface is well-floured or your dough won't roll nicely.
*CwK Moment* Let them roll!! Show them how to pat the dough down, show them how much pressure to use, show them how to add flour so the dough doesn't stick. 

9. Pour your melted butter and coconut oil on the dough. Spread it around so it covers the dough - you don't want tons of huge puddles but you can be generous. I aim to cover from edge to edge with a nice, decent, relatively-even layer.
*CwK Moment* Show the kiddos how to use their fingers to spread the butter and oil around. Draw pictures and letters and then smooth it out. 

10. Sprinkle sugar and cinnamon. I let the kids do this all by themselves. I put a pile of sugar in their little palms and then tell them sprinkle it all around. Same with the cinnamon. The key is using your kids' palms - they're small enough to limit the sugar and cinnamon so it doesn't become overwhelming.

11. Time to roll. Let the kids watch - this is definitely an adult step as it's a bit tricky. You want to roll the longest edge toward you tightly. Use two hands and reach over there and go slow and roll as evenly and tightly as you can toward you. Stuff will spill out the edges and that's ok, just keep rolling as tightly as you can. You're supposed to pinch the seam when you get to the end but I tried that and it did absolutely nothing so give it a whirl if you feel like it, or not.

12. Now it's time to cut the rolls. I use a plastic knife that doubles as a spatula because I don't want to slice into my counters. There is really no clean way to do this part, from my experience. The filling will get all over and again, it's ok. Cut 1/2 inch pieces off your roll. I cut down directly and swiftly and then pull the roll off and kinda straighten it out with my fingers before placing it in my buttered pans. Keep doing this until your rolls are all cut and placed in their pans. I used one pie pan and one 9x13 pan.
*CwK Moment* Put one kid in charge of roll spacing. This is a very important job! These rolls will expand in size and putting them too close together can be disastrous and extend your baking time significantly! You want them spaced apart so they have room to grow, grow, grow!

13. Place a kitchen towel over your rolls and let them rise for about 20 minutes. Then pop them in the oven and bake for 17-20 minutes, checking for brownness. You want them nice and golden.

Icing Instructions:
14. Whisk the powdered sugar, milk, melted butter, syrup, vanilla, and salt in a large bowl. I mean really whisk it so it's so, so smooth. You can also use a stand mixer, the kids get a kick out of turning on the high-tech appliances.
*CwK Moment* You measure, the kids whisk and/or turn on the mixer. Since you want this real smooth, the more whisking, the better. No worries about overmixing here! 

15. Taste the icing and add more syrup if you wanna.

Ding! Rolls are Done Instructions:
16. Pull the rolls out of the oven and pour that sweet, sweet icing all over them.
*CwK Moment* Kiddos will just eat the icing if given the chance. I give them each a spoon and tell them once the rolls are covered, they can lick their spoons. Rationing and helping every time. 

17. Now you can repeat steps 6-13 with the other half of the dough, or you can do what I did and put the other half of the dough and half the icing in separate freezer baggies and freeze. When you're ready to bake again, pull the dough and icing out and let them thaw in the fridge, then move to the counter and let warm up slowly. The dough and icing hold up great after freezing.

More ways kids can help?
Watch the rolls rise! Tell mommy when they get too brown.
Keep the cat off the counter!
Time to clean up! Put things in the sink, wipe down the counters, clean off the floor, wash hands, wash can clean just as well as grown ups, it just takes a little longer. Give them a chance!

This is a great recipe to try with your little ones because the sweet ingredients will hold their interest and the only truly technical part of the recipe takes no time at all. The end results are fantastic and delicious and special, just like your babies.

Cooking with kids doesn't need to be a hassle. It will be messy and it will go slow at first, but the more you cook with them, the better they get. Give it a try! And be sure to tune in next week for another delicious, kid-friendly recipe.

Do you bake with your kids? What are your challenges and triumphs? I'd love to hear about them in the comments down below and as always, thank you so much for reading :)