Friday, October 17, 2014

Sometimes You Need to Just Say F#@* It

Oh my! Wow, I can't believe it! I am sorry this post is coming out so, so late, dear readers. Time absolutely flies when you are engrossed in amazing things and I was completely up-to-my-ears in Hallmark worthy fun today, oh yes I sure was. What? It's not that late and you wouldn't really notice anyways because nobody reads blog posts immediately after they are posted unless they're written by Ree Drummond? Ha! Nice try...but I'm still going to tell you what I was sooooo busy doing today!

You see, it's been another one of those weeks, friends. One meltdown after another, my week has slowly crumpled into a pile of goo....and not even the fun kind of goo, like Floam (remember that stuff??). 

It started out alright, I suppose. Celebrated some good ol' Ignore the Bastard Christopher Columbus and Instead Have Fun Doing Whatever Day. By 3PM, however, Two Kids, One House was starting to play on repeat and let me tell you, it is not a catchy tune. I don't know how moms of multiples do it. I don't know how moms of three do it. I don't know how moms do it, period, because let's get real, I'm not really doing it at all this week. Not well, anyways. 

At one point I had a beef-covered spatula in one hand, a sobbing 8-year old in the other, coffee grounds and compost covering my staircase, a dog trampling the toddler to try and eat said compost, and my phone going off again.

It's been a seemingly-endless series of: wake up, stub a toe, lose a sock, run out of milk, have printer problems, clean muddy paws, yell at yelling toddler, sign referrals from school, argue with husband, and fall into bed wondering how to make it better tomorrow, knowing dang right nothing is going to be better.

I tried forcing myself into a positive place. I thought of how much I have in my life. How lucky I am. How blessed I am. How happy I should be that I'm not sick, or have sick kids, or am homeless, or am living in a war zone.

Didn't work. Made me feel worse about myself for being ungrateful and narrow-minded. Now before someone goes blasting me in the comments about how this entire post is about first-world problems created by an ignorant, middle-class woman with too much time on her hands, just know that I know all that already, k? Won't be shedding any lights around here with that noise. I'll be the first to agree with you. But I also know there's a ton of people out there who, like me, can't keep perspective like that all the time. Flaws Forgiven, world. Flaws, Forgiven.

So the days and hits kept on comin'. Night after night, I went to sleep feeling exhausted, but unaccomplished. Consumed with guilt, but unable to stop doing the things that made me feel guilty. I was, in no uncertain terms, a hot mess.

But today? Today, I made it better.

I'd had it, man. I mean it. This morning, I opened my calender, deleted every single task, appointment, and reservation....something that is unheard of in JenLand. And then.....well then I filled the entire day with one huge block that read these four words:

Just say F#@* it.

I was tired of having things go wrong and feeling like every single thing was all my fault. It's not all about me, you know. I know, I know, it shocked me too. As someone who takes everything personally - including the world's perception - it absolutely stunned me into stupid-girl giggles when I woke up this morning and thought, "This stubbed toe? This isn't your fault. You're not the one to blame. You can't fix it. So f#@* it. Just say f#@* it."

And, right or wrong, I took that perception with me into every single one of my problem scenarios today....even the ones that were absolutely all my fault. I decided I wasn't going to take responsibility for any of 'em. 

My big kid came home and burst into tears because I didn't have enough butter to make homemade biscuits. F#@* it.

My little kid decided the grocery store would be an awesome place to try out some of those screaming techniques she's been practicing. Glares all around! F#@* it.

My husband came home, ignored me, and continued being an overall punk because of the argument we had last night. F#@* it.

Can I please tell you...since I've started refusing responsibility for anything, everything has been awesome.

I did exactly what I wanted to do today. At one point it meant doing laundry - and it was awesome because now my favorite flannel shirts are so fresh and so clean clean. At another point it meant eating obscene amounts of feta cheese while watching The View - and it was awesome because feta. I decided to try my hand at being Little Miss JenJen Homemaker and bake something for the bake sale - and it was awesome because look:


I made those cute little things...me, the woman who 24-hours ago couldn't do anything right, couldn't make anyone happy, and wasn't worth the trouble....she just kicked Martha Stewart's ass in the kitchen.

I'm not going to lie, this whole way of thinking is way more fun. I got plenty done today and even though I'm typing this later than my Friday schedule dictates, I'm pretty dang happy, perched in my half-done, garbage pile of a makeshift office, typing away on a laptop I'm fairly certain I will break at some point in the near future. But you know what? If and when the laptop breaks.....f#@* it. 


Nothing is worth making yourself miserable. Can't control everything. Can't change everything. Give it your best shot, and then move along.

You may even end up with some of these bad boys...


Just look at that happy punkin. Doesn't stop grinnin even though his kin is all pureed up and about to be in meh belleh.

Anyone else have a week like I did? What's your favorite way of letting go? I'd love to hear about it in the comments down below. And of course, as always, thank you very much for reading :)

25 comments:

  1. AMEN! So glad you took some time off...we all need that. We can't schedule everything in our lives...I'm slowly realizing that now!

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    1. Thanks Kristen....it was exhilarating! I loved every minute of it!

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  2. Thank you for this post. I've been saying this much more often about the things I feel like I "should" be doing. It has been quite liberating!

    #SITS sharefest

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    1. Isn't it a blast?? I am much less angry and although I feel a wee bit selfish, I honestly don't give crap. It's glorious! Thanks for stopping by :)

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  3. I had a week too. Boss on vacation. Got call from a salesman needing a bid bond in 1 hour - hello that takes 2.5 days. He's po'd I have to send CEO to bank for a cashier's check, fill out forms and notarize them myself. Thurs. I have gum recession surgery. As I am walking out the door I realize dog has puked all over basement floor - clean floor. Go to work eat 4 cookies from lunch room before surgery because I'm nervous. Go to surgery. Wake up at 1:00 a.m. Friday morning. Do not fall back to sleep worried about work load. Call in sick on Friday. Oh and hubby worked late every night this week.

    I missed many other inconveniences from the week, but you get the picture.

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    1. UGH what the heck Sav. Glad to hear your surgery went ok. And you know, I love dogs, I think they're awesome, but honestly? Puke and poo? Over it. I have kids for that. Dogs should somehow be exempt from random sickness. Can someone try breeding for that instead of fluffier fur??

      I think what you need is a good book, a good bottle of wine, and a soft couch. Try to get a stack of books, if it will keep your mind off work for a while.

      Or, if you're like me and can't relax until you get some work done, then do some work. Take an hour to really do some work - plan out your first few hours in the office on Monday or clean something that's been pissing you off for weeks.

      THEN grab the bottle (can even be water!), the book, and the couch. And give yourself a break. You're doing an awesome job.

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  4. My week had a lot of crazy busyness in it too, including an eight hour bus ride one day that severely messed with my work schedule...but I did hit that point where I said, "If I can't control it, I have to let it go." Sometimes you have to do that. Glad you found your happy place, and hopefully letting that calendar and all the expectations of perfection go, will be something you can carry with you all the time.

    Your pumpkin bread? It looks amazing!! :)

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    1. Awww thank you Tracie!!! We grew sugar punkins in the backyard this year and lemmie tell ya, those little suckers are incredible. From two little punkins we got a huge pie, two loaves of bread, a pound of roasted seeds, and a batch of smoothies. I highly recommend them!!

      UGH and it sounds like you had one heck of a week, too. It was so, so wonderful blocking out the calender in a way that allowed me to do what I wanted. Shazam! Nailed it! Thanks for stopping by :)

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  5. I need to do this in my own life!!! I admit, the title drew me in, but as a overly analytical, anxiety-ridden person I spend too much time obsessing about everything and not just realizing that whatever, things will not fall apart like we think they will from every minor thing and even some of the major things. I say we establish a day where everyone can just say f*** it!!! Visiting from SITS Sharefest.

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    1. HAHA It's so true! And I think it should be at least a weekly occurrence.....a weekly F-it day! Everyone needs one.

      And hey, if you're an overly-analytical, anxiety-ridden person, then you've come to the right place. Birds of a feather!!

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  6. I absolutely LOVE it!! I cannot tell you how often I find myself needing one of these days. I shall make mine tomorrow!-Ashley

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    1. Yea!!! you go, Ashley! Thanks for stopping by :)

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  7. It's amazing the shit you get done when you remove expectation out of the equation, right?

    Thanks for being honest about ^^everything up there^^. It's easy to get caught up in "everything needs to perfect" when spending a lot of time in the blogosphere. :)

    ::cheers to better days::

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    1. Thanks :) I think I'm going to make my f-it day a regular, reoccuring, once per week thing. I am a stupidly sensitive person by nature and I'm kinda tired of getting taken for granted in that regard - it burns me out worrying about everyone else all the time. So f-it!

      And you are SO right about the blogging perfection - so many beautiful homes, perfect looking families, and better ways of living...it can get pretty depressing when you're knee deep in your own failed attempts of making life better for everyone! The comparison sucks! So f-it!

      Really glad you stopped by and thanks for commenting :)

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  8. Lol I'm going to be in that state after Friday when I'm off call :) It's definitely important to be able to say 'F*ck it!" - it's very liberating, especially when we're accustomed to take blame and hold on to 'failures' - Glad you're feeling must better and were able to get ish done regardless :) I love this and glad you're taking it easy - don't let em cause a stroke! Have a great one Jennifer :) -iva

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    1. Thanks Iva!!!! Ahhh the feeling of freedom was insane and beautiful :) I hope you f-it day comes soon and you have an awesome week!! Thank you very much for stopping by!! :) :) :)

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    2. Random, insurance related question since I'm electing a company plan (tis the time): WHY would the "premium" (lower deductible) plan cover between 70-90% of all appointments (meaning copays) and then have the lower plan (higher deductible) 100%covered for all appointments and services?? What is the reasoning?! Sorry no one knows insurance at this time like you, lol.

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    3. Cuz insurances want all your money - be it through copays/coinsurance or through deductible amounts. They don't wanna pay. Nobody wants to pay. It's great!

      I think your choice depends on a few things - 1) Do those percentages kick in AFTER the deductible is met? As in, once you pay your $1,000 deductible for the year, they will pay 70-90% of charges in the premium plan or 100% in the non-premium plan after the higher deductible is met?

      If the percentages kick in AFTER you've met your deductible, you gotta weigh the risk - how much higher is the deductible in the non-premium plan? $500 more? Are you/your family in good health? Are you expecting any surgeries this benefit year? Cuz if not, the lower deductible might be a better idea, even if you end up having only 70-90% coverage for sick visits. Remember your preventative care should be covered 100% no matter what.

      If you are concerned about going to the hospital (which is always my issue), you may want to go for the plan that covers 100% of appointments....especially if the deductible is only $500 or so more per year. Think about it - you go to the hospital for something, you'll likely reach your deductible right away (hospital visits are soooo expensive). So you can pay an extra $500 and have the rest covered 100%, or you can pay $500 less with the premium plan, but then postentially be responsible for 30% of the other charges (since the insurance will only cover 70%-90%).

      It's a crapshoot. They make it this way on purpose because the American healthcare system is BROKEN. Say what you want about our President, but he's taken the first steps to fixing this mess by forcing insurance companies to relinquish some control - especially in the form of pre-existing conditions and preventative care. Just my opinion!!! :)

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    4. All I know is I plan on scheduling monthly visits with my physician to acquire prescription medication - it may vary but I'm going to assume yes to once a month visits. And yes preventive care and such is 100% covered in both plans. So If I know I'm going to go every month but don't anticipate extended hospital visits (who does?) - is the high deductible 100% coverage plan better? Mind you I also have my 7 year old to cover. :( Why are these people so shady!

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    5. holy crap you're right it's AFTER deductible is MET! F that I"m going with lower deductible, lol I don't mind paying that little bit extra. HmpH RUDENESS! And yes I agree Obama is doing a damn fine job - he's trying and at least doing something a bit more progressive in terms of health care so it's about time. Hopefully one day it will be freely available to us :(

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    6. It depends on when the 100% coverage kicks in - before or after the deductible is met?

      So figure out how much out of pocket you need to pay for each of your med visits - Let's say the total for the appointment is $89, you get the insurance discount and are left paying $65 - towards your deductible, but still out of pocket because let's face it, this money is literally out of your pocket and there is nothing fun or cool about that.

      If you pay $65 per visit, times 12, that's $780 for the year right off the bat for med check appointments. We can round it up to $800.

      So let's hypothesize about the "premium" plan with the lower deductible, but lower coverage percentage:
      Pretend Guess Deductible is $250, and the insurance only pays 70% of charges, then you'll pay $250+70% of charges ($800-$250=$550, then $550*.7=$385) ... so total for the year would be $635....

      Now if you used the plan that had a higher deductible, but higher coverage:
      Pretend Guess Deductible is $500, and the insurance pays 100% of charges after the deductible is met, then you'll pay $500 of the $800 and everything else will be covered.

      So $635 with the premium plan, $500 with the higher-deductible plan.

      It comes down to how much your deductible is with both, how much the visits will cost you, and the math between the two. Plus you want to add in the cost you'll pay every month for each plan because that can significantly change your total estimated cost per year.

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  9. I have had "fu*k it" days. I tend to stuff my face with chocolate.

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    1. I am not a chocolate lover - which makes me an alien, I know. Replace chocolate with cheesecake or Italian food, however, and we're on the exact same page.

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  10. Amen sister!!! Why the heck did I not see this post on Saturday? Shame on me... I did this whole F*&K it day a while back after an argument with the Hubs, and guess what he came to me!!!! Holy cow that has NEVER happened. I now take a F*&K it day every once in a while and it seems to put everyone else in the family back in check and stops them from taking me and what I do for them for granted!!! Go figure. Glad you had a F*&K it day!!! You go Girl!!!!!

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    1. THAT is what I need!! See - I sometimes feel like the stuff I do, the good stuff, gets smudged over by the things I do that aren't so great...like my yelling, and my anxiety, and my general crap attitude when I've got too much stuff going on. I love my f-it day because I honestly felt happy not giving a rip if people cared! It was really, really nice. Just like your comment :) Thanks for stopping by Ray!!

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