They need food and water constantly.
They get sick and poo their pants.
They decide spray paint is PERFECT for decorating neighbors’ houses.
They think the words “pet” and “insect” are one-in-the-same.
They love spaghetti and hate it .
They get a kick out of breaking every single nice thing, ever.
They decide a nice, swift smack in the face is a great way to say “Love you, Mama!”
They require new clothes and new shoes constantly.
They think clean teeth are wet teeth.
They play piano on your computer keyboard like deranged little Beethovens.
They take a strong interest in anything that comes out of the body.
They enjoy listening to the same song nine billion times in 24 hours.
They are incredibly loud and often obnoxious.
And until I had my own children…..my mental list of child characteristics stopped right here. All bad things. All irritating things. Some funny things, but mostly irritating things.
I still find myself collaborating with the new cultural norm of hatin on kids....those e-cards about bottomless bottles of wine for moms everywhere...."this is what I think I do/this is what I really do"..... memes of kids acting like total jerks....I've pinned this stuff. I think it's funny. But recently, it's started to depress me a little. When did we get so negative about parenting?
More and more people are choosing not to have kids - which is absolutely ok! ...but I've never seen so much "ha-ha, I win, you lose" crap in my life.
Ha-ha, I choose me.
Ha-ha, me and my partner on a beach, with strong drinks, and lotsa money...this is no kids.
Ha-ha, life is better without children #sorryimnotsorry
We've injected so much sarcasm and dark humor into parenting, it's no wonder those without kids think having kids is the equivalent of a living hell (see above list about kids).
…but here’s the hitch – when you witness all the tiny, impossible moments known only by you and your baby, you begin to understand why people are obsessed with their kids.
It’s not about losing yourself in another person. It’s not about giving up your life for motherhood. It’s not about all the bad things.
Parenting is about expanding your life to participate in an absolutely unique, evolutionary, and unexplainable thing…the creation of another person.
My girls are little orbs of potential. I’m blessed with not only the responsibility of teaching them how to succeed in today’s society, but also the joy of watching them grow into actual people….with their own minds, their own gifts, their own contributions to this funky little dance we call life.
Yes, they still poo their pants sometimes.
Yes, I've lost some friends and many of my remaining relationships are altered.
But you know, in a few short years, these kids will be grown. I only get a few years of influence here before they start looking up to morons like Miley Cyrus ***shudder*** or geniuses like Einstein ***applause***
My kids will either be total jerks, totally awesome, or a nice blend of both. I believe both nature and nurture play a role in how someone ends up in life. And slap my grits, if I’m not gunnin' like heck to make my kid less jerk and more awesome.
This means cleaning up the poo and crying randomly sometimes. It means I’m going to say no a lot. It means I’ll have to deal with people saying things like “I’m so sick of these BABY pictures ” and “I am never having kids because I want a life.” (Ouch, by the way. That's not nice.) It means my life will never, ever be the same.
I’ll be tickling chubby toes and pretending to gobble up baby feet.
I’ll be teaching my daughter how to stand up to bullies on the playground.
I’ll be squishing my kids against me at 6AM on a Saturday, an elbow in my ribs, books and blankets everywhere.
I’ll be working, working, working to provide these soon-to-be adults with real-life examples of living the dream.
I’ll be greeted with squeals of laughter and sheer joy just because I walked in the door.
I’ll witness astounding, spectacular things, like my 2nd grader’s art....
....and my toddler saying, “I’m sowwy…big squeeeeze?”
I’ll learn things about myself I would’ve never learned alone....good things. Incredible things.
These are the simple, understated, unappreciated elements of kids. These are the things that make the poo worthwhile.
I poke fun at my choice to be a mom, and at kids, at at parenting in general, because parenting is hard....but the trials and tribulations never, ever outweigh the insane happiness I get from my lil' ladies. Most parents will tell you the same.
Do you have anything positive to say about kids? Hint: Try not to think about the hellion you witnessed spewing horrific noises from his mouth at Target.
And you don't need to be a parent to answer this question ... matter of fact, it would be awesome to hear from those who don't have kids. GET CREATIVE IF YOU HAVE TO.
Word t'ya mutha, lovely readers.