Friday, March 7, 2014

Men: Way Cooler than Women

Now before I start, I want to take two seconds to acknowledge that everyone is different and people are people and gender roles can be equal and different and flip-flopped and blahblahblah.

Mmmmmkay. Now on to the good stuff.

What is WITH dudes.

So Aaron and I are right smack-dab in the middle of a pretty huge transition....he is going back to work. He's been the stay-at-home dad for a few years now, going to school, making the most of his education benefits from the military, and working part-time at a local small business. I've been the full-time lady, the commuter, the one who randomly freaks out and kinda feels justified because I've "had a hard day at the office." (heh heh heh takin' a page from the ol' school Man Handbook. Hand me my scotch and slippers!)

That's all about to change. You see, when he gets a job, I will be quitting mine. That's right. I'm going to be the stay-at-home wonder. And I'm going to write. Hopefully well. And maybe get paid for it.

See? Big transition.

I'm handling it like a total pro. I panic only once or twice a day, with crying spells lasting a paltry 1-2 hours at a time.

I've been the perfect wife, gyrating between, "Oh, it's never too early to start networking, don't you think? Get your name out there? Test the waters? Match a few names to faces? Meander into some awesome connections? Sniff arrrouuunnnd?" and then the more subtle, "OMG I SEE YOU'RE ON THE XBOX - IS THIS JOB CALLED MADDEN MASTER? WHAT DO THOSE BENEFITS LOOK LIKE? DO YOU GET GAMER POINTS AT CHRISTMAS? ARE YOUR THUMBS INSURED?"

And I'm always 100% sure this is the best thing for me. I barely ever doubt my abilities to stay home and do all the cooking and laundry and potty training and homework and dog-puke-wiping and shopping and neighborly small talk BS and school fundraisers and being on the job from sunrise to sundown while trying to pound out some semblance of a writing career with one kid connected to my non-exercised calf muscle and the other kid running to the bus stop with only one shoe and papers flying out of her backpack. Oh yea. I've got this. One. Hundred. Percent.

The job I'm leaving? Peh. I don't worry about it. Not one bit. I haven't already created a shared-drive manual of over 200 documents explaining step-by-step how to do every facet of my job. I don't feel my heart freeze up at all when I think about leaving my fun, adult coworkers for a day crew consisting of one diaper-wearing half-person and two disabled animals. I'm not concerned about missing out on retirement benefits. I'm not worried about leaving my boss to some moron who couldn't possibly do the things he needs done like I can. Nope. Not one iota of guilt or remorse there. Allllll good.

And my kids. No WAY are they gonna be sad to have their dad going back to work and have me at home. He may be 400 times more patient than I am and never yells, but hey, yelling puts hair on your chest. I'm not worried about them adjusting to a new way of getting ready, and eating, and dealing with problems. Aaron and I are very different people but I know those kids are just gonna jump right into my arms and be fine with everything. Right?

This is my brain. Every single day. And this is only the transition topic!

Aaron is totally cool with all of this stuff. So cool, in fact, that he hasn't mentioned a thing about any of it. Not to me. Not to himself. Not to anyone. He doesn't think about each individual ripple in the ripple effect. He's just focused on graduating, getting a nice, stable job, and then keeping me sane....

....because the truth is, I am so not cool. I am freaking the frick out. I obsess over the details, the timing, the money, the what-ifs. I lose myself in the worries and try as I may, the big picture doesn't always come into clear view for me. I lean on friends, family, and Aaron to help me out with that.....didja hear me? I lean on Aaron, the other side of this equation, to help me stay cool.

Not only does the dude not worry about the crap I'm obsessing over, but he diffuses it in me, too.

"I can see how this looks, but I applied to four jobs today, did the laundry, vacuumed the house, and got the small one down to bed so I'm taking a minute to just relax with some Madden. Don't worry, I try to knock out at least four-five job applications a week, if not more."

"You're totally right, networking is important and I created a LinkedIn account and check it regularly."

"I got two rejections today. Not worried about it. Just means my job is still out there."

"I get you're freakin out and it's understandable, but I've got this. Let me do me."

"Hey tell me about your day. What happened? Man that sucks. Just think, babe, soon you'll be here, not commuting, writing....."

"Here, babe, I know you've had a rough day. Drink this."

Who's the master now.

Aaron schools me in the cool department. Where I obsess and stress, he is cool and collected. Where I freak out and fidget, he stays focused and drives on.


I'm so quick to assume and prepare for the worst and he is perfectly content sitting back and waiting for the worst to get there. Which of course it never does. Because everything, absolutely everything  just always seems to work out for him, no matter how much he fails to plan, or research, or make calls, or talk to his close friends about it, or basically spend any time analyzing the situation to my level of detail.....

....it always just works out for him.

I can sense there's a lesson to be learned here....but perhaps it doesn't have anything to do with my cool factor. Perhaps the lesson is not that I need to change myself.....but that I should trust the balance and stability having someone like this in my life has given me. I know I'll never be as cool as Aaron. I'll always be an over-analytical hothead with thoughts overflowing from my brain at a high rate of speed. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I motivate him, he tells me. I help him stay on-track when he procrastinates (I knew it!) and I'm really good at coming up with creative, fun things for us to experience together. He says I bring sunshine into his mellow sky. I kinda like that. I kinda love that.

Life is a delicate balancing act, especially if you choose to share that life with another person.

So I'm gonna let the dudes have cool. Us women can just keep on truckin' with intelligence, creativity, spontaneity.... ;)

Are you a woman who feels she's the Queen of Cool? Are you a man who tends to be more like me, the Uber-Sexy Hothead? Tell me in the comments below!

As always, thanks so much for stopping by and reading. Have an awesome weekend :)

Jen
jen@jenniferludwigsen.com

12 comments:

  1. I am the queen of Cool. HAHAHA Hilarious. Not at all but I play it really well. The answer is trust and faith. I always go with the idea of fake it til you make it. You have to pretend it will all be ok before your mind goes there.

    Does suck they are calm cool and collected and everything works out!

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    1. HAhaha I love it! I knew you would be!! HA no in all honesty, I've watched you and you're awesome at keeping your cool. It's so refreshing to see that kind of faith and it motivates me to stay positive when I feel like being a straight B. Thanks for reading my dear friend :)

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  2. I am always saying "it always works out in the end.' I never sweat the small stuff." Where it pertains to my home life or work life. My hubby is the same way. Your hubby has it figured out and that is awesome. He can always talk you down from the ledge when you are freaking out! It totally is a blind faith.

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    1. It is a blind faith - you are totally on the money! Too bad I am one of those crazy control freaks......the words "blind" and "faith" aren't really sympatico with my everyday obsessing. But that's what's beautiful about him....he kinda stands there and forces me to just let go sometimes. Thank you so much for stopping by!!! :)

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  3. hahaha! My husband and I seem to alternate between being the cool one and the freaking out one. It seems to work for us...

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    1. It's SO nice when it balances out. I guess we kinda rotate too sometimes.....and then sometimes we're BOTH freaking out, which is an absolute joy to be around, let me tell you. Thanks for reading !! !! :)

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  4. My husband is the calm one most of the time too. Although, during the times that he is getting uptight, I diffuse him. That's the beauty of a marriage - partnership. Great post and good luck in your coming changes.

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    1. Thank you so much :) I absolutely agree - the partnership is really what helps me decompress.

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  5. I am the queen of catastrophic thinking, and my husband is always so very, very even keeled. We're definitely a great match! Good luck with your life changes (and with not freaking out about them!)

    Stopping by from Group 5 of SITS Spring Fling.

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    1. Yea!! Thanks Bethany! And HAPPY SPRING FLING!! :)

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  6. I can so relate......great post...visiting from SITs.

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  7. OMG I laughed out loud to this post. (Tea may have come out my nose... maybe) I totally get all the little freak outs through out the day. If my hubby heard the conversation through my head (much like yours) he might have me committed. Once you get into the groove, the fears and freak outs will lessen. BUT you will have others.. Sorry to break it to ya
    -Kat
    www.confessionsoftheperfectmom.com

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